Thursday, October 30, 2008

Phils win, 3 1/2 to 1

Last night's sham of a World Series finale summed up the whole 2008 experience. The original game 5, which was called halfway through the 6th inning but which should have been called many innings earlier (or not played at all), picked up where they left off. Except for a couple of things. Momentum: dead. TV audience: dead. Fairness: dead. Spirit of the game: dead. Reputation of Bud Selig and Major League Baseball: wounded. Baseball is a great sport, regardless of the lack of interest by the video-game generation who find it too slow. What Major League Baseball (MLB) failed to "get" here is that what purists and fans have loved for decades and generations is the pace of the game. The beauty of NOT having a time clock. Picking up a game in the bottom of the 6th inning destroyed the pacing, and in effect the game and the Series. Congratulations to the Phillies who did enough to get a technical win. It's just a shame that Fox Network and MLB put advertisers' interests over the fans' love of the game. Typical.

Yesterday, Royal Caribbean announced they are cancelling their 2009-2010 cruise venture to South America on the Radiance Of The Seas. Economic woes, high cost of airfare and other issues precluded people from booking at what Royal Caribbean felt was a legitimate pace, so they decided to leave the ship in San Diego to do extended winter cruises to the Mexican Riviera. That's still one of my favorite cruise itineraries, so I'm not shedding a tear on this one. If you've never tried sailing from LA or San Diego, it's different than the Caribbean but very interesting and diverse, even though all the ports are Mexico. People get it in their heads Mexico is Mexico. That's like someone from Europe stopping in the United States on a world cruise, seeing only the port of Boston as an example, and saying "OK, now I've seen the United States." Not that Boston isn't a cool place, but had they done Boston, New York, Savannah, and Baltimore they would have had 4 different experiences, but still not actually seen America. That's why I say 3 or 4 ports in 1 country can still be quite a treat. Another example of this which always amazes me is people who fly halfway around the world to do a cruise from New Zealand to Australia. They may hit 5 of 6 ports of call in New Zealand, and the cruise ends in Sydney Australia, where they get off the ship and fly home. Not only did you not get to see Australia in general, you didn't even get to see Sydney except the taxi ride from the ship to the airport! How many times in your life are you going to be there? Once? Maybe twice? I always encourage people who are doing a life-changing trip like that to plan ahead and include additional touring before and/or after a cruise, to get it ALL on the first try. You may plan to go back, but what if you don't make it? You will have squandered the one opportunity you had, to see the highlights of different countries and cultures. Plan ahead on major trips, and feel free to ask for my advice and help. That's what I do.

Here's a story from the Aug. 31st New York Post that is a sign of our times, particularly when it comes to being a litigious society. For those of you who don't like big words, litigious means trials, lawyers and such. It seems Mr. Brian Hopkins, age 25, was severely burned in 2006 after he climbed onto the roof of an empty train at Boston's South Station at 2 a.m. It wasn't the climbing part that got him in the soup, though. Unfortunately for Mr. Hopkins, while on top of the train car, he grabbed what he thought was a rubber cable to pull himself up, and was instantly zapped by 27,500 Volts of electricity! Lucky enough for Mr. Hopkins, he lived. This past August, he and his lawyers filed a lawsuit against Amtrak seeking damages for his pain and suffering. Huh? He freely admits he was trespassing at the station, but here's where it gets interesting (a.k.a. incredibly stupid). Mr. Hopkins' attorney claims that Amtrak should have known that people trespass and climb on top of buildings, trains, etc. and therefore they should have parked their train in a less-accessible place, to protect society and in particular Mr. Brian Hopkins, age 25.

If I'm the attorney on Amtrak's side of the ball, I'd ask the Judge if we couldn't move the proceedings to the scene of the incident. I'd ask Mr. Hopkins to re-create the incident for us, and I might even give him a boost up on top of the train. I'd say "Mr. Hopkins -- the top of that train might be dirty, so here you go....stand on top of this nice, wet towel. Now if it please the court, go ahead and reach on up there again, Mr. Hopkins, and show us which wire it was you grabbed"

In nature, they call that thinning the herd...

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Toro! Toro! Toro!

In the spirit of the Presidential Election this week, I offer you a short parable:

A man walked in to a Ralphie's Lawnmower dealership, telling the Salesman he had seen a Toro lawnmower he liked, but he was undecided because other people had said he should take a look at Ralphie's before committing to anything. The Salesman quoted him a litany of issues:

1) Did you know Toro is Spanish for "bull"? Yeah. That ought to tell you something about them.

2) Toro is rumored to be built somewhere in Southeast Asia, in sweat-shop factories that employee under-age orphan kids working 12 hours a day without food.

3) I also read on the internet that the blades of a Toro can just come right off, cutting up your legs and feet real bad. I mean, they just come flyin' right off. Right off!


The man stopped him and said, "Sorry Sir. I don't really want to know what you think is bad about Toro, I've already looked them over pretty well. I just want to hear the good things you have to say about a Ralphie's mower." Once again, the Salesman chose a different tack:

4) If you notice, Toro has consonants and vowels in its name, but they flip-flop back and forth, 1 consonant, 1 vowel, 1 consonant, 1 vowel. Ralphie's on the other hand is a mixture of both consonants and vowels, in random order. That's what you're looking for. You know another name that alternates consonants and vowels, back and forth like Toro? S-A-T-A-N

Frustrated, the man said "Really, Sir - none of that matters to me. All I want to know is what makes your product superior for cutting my lawn than the Toro I saw. I'm going to make a decision shortly, and I need to hear about Ralphie's good points, to draw a fair comparison." The Salesman continued down the slope:

5) Toro promises to cut your lawn, saving you time, energy and money. But did you know about 20 years ago, a Toro executive had dinner with a man who had knocked over a liquor store when he was back in college? Yes the man had served his debt to society, and is now a respected member of the community. But still - are you comfortable buying a lawnmower from someone who pals around with convicted felons and such? That's downright un-American!

The man smiled and thanked the Ralphie's Salesman for his time, then drove to the other store and purchased a Toro. He's extremely happy with his decision. The moral of the story is when you are voting in the Election this week, don't be afraid to vote for someone just because the consonants and vowels in his last name alternate, one after another...

In January, Carnival Cruise Lines' Sensation will be going in for an extended, 35-day Drydock period. For land-lubbers, Drydock is where they pull the ship up completely out of the water, scrape and re-paint the exterior (hull), and do any re-carpeting or fixer-upper work that a ship needs, without passengers around getting in the way or tripping over anything. Cruise lines are hesitant to take ships out of the water for more than a week or 10 days, because whenever she ain't sailin', she ain't makin' money either! But this is a big one. Due to the popularity of balconies (also called Verandahs by the snooty rich), Carnival is adding 98 balconies to this ship and that's what's taking so much time. You may ask how they're able to do that on an older ship not originally designed for them. Good question! It's not going to be easy, that's for sure what with about a billion welders and painters needed to accomplish that feat. However, they feel it'll be worth having Sensation out of action for 5 weeks, because the added revenue of the higher-priced balconies will eventually overtake the expense and turn to profit. Pretty smart idea, if you have the money to employee a billion welders. Maybe that's not a true number, but now that we're in the economic mess we are, it sounds so weak to say "about a hundred or so". That's why everything is a billion to me now. Maybe I should have said 1.63 billion, to make it sound like I really had researched thoroughly. Or not.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Worst World Series ever?

As I mentioned last week, even die-hard baseball fans were having a hard time getting up for the Phillies vs. the Rays. Any time a World Series is on, there are normally some potential Hall Of Fame players involved, maybe guys with long and distinguished careers to add flavor to the pot, that sort of thing. This year, most of these guys are so young there are no human-interest stories or rivalries. And we're talking Philly and Tampa, not the hotbeds of emotion in sports. Last night, Major League Baseball made a huge error in judgement. They saw the weather reports and radar, indicating terrible, wet, cold, basically miserable playing conditions, but they pushed the game forward due to pressure from Fox TV to get the game in. The game deteriorated rapidly, into playing conditions that wouldn't have been allowed in a regular-season game, let alone the greatest showcase and potential final game of the season. I've watched baseball over 50 years, and that was the worst conditions I've ever seen. Baseball should consider itself EXTREMELY lucky that no player slipped on the muddy surface and tore an Achilles tendon or fractured a leg. Once conditions got bad in the early innings, before they decided to "trooper on" with the game, they should have come out with the tarps, covered the field, and after a pause to review the weather the game should have been postponed until the weather could clear, and the 2 teams could battle for the title. Instead, they let a sloppy, un-entertaining and un-healthy situation persist, until the Rays found just enough magic to tie the game 2-2 in the top of the 6th inning. Now the plan is to pick up the game right there, bottom of the 6th inning, with the Phillies coming up to bat. Once again, WRONG DECISION for the fans, for Baseball, and especially for the Rays. Frankly I don't care who wins, but to allow that game to go on until it was so horrendous the announcers were calling for it to end, now you're going to give Philly 4 at-bats compared to 3 at-bats for Tampa Bay. In the spirit of sportsmanship, after blowing the call to play into the 5th and 6th innings yesterday, the Commissioner should have ruled it no contest, and called for a new game. Why not? The game is tied 2-2, and it was doubtful at best that Philly would have scored in the bottom of that inning. Terrible call. Terrible Series. Thank Heaven for Netflix, so I'll at least have something real to watch this week. Major League Baseball messed this one up so badly, I'm not even watching the conclusion of the previous debacle. Maybe next year we'll have more interesting teams in play.

Just this week it was announced that a California-based company is planning to bring a new form of tourism to the San Francisco Bay area. Zeppelins. Yes indeed, those big 'ol blimpie-looking things (though not blimps), brought to you by Airship Ventures, Inc. Never-you-mind that most people think of 4 things when they hear the word Zeppelin:

1) World War I, giant balloons dropping bombs over trenches

2) The Hindenburg (very public disaster, very ugly)

3) Goodyear and other flying ads over sporting events

4) Jimmy Page,Robert Plant,John Bonham & John Paul Jones rocking with thunder, lightning and a screaming Les Paul through a stack of Marshall Amps the size of a semi.


But Airship Ventures thinks Joe Six-Pack (no, not her) is going to bring Mom, Dad and the young-'uns to view the skies over San Fran from a Zeppelin. The cabin holds 12 people, so hey - pack up Grandmama and a few cousins too...let's have a reunion at 5,000 feet! I remember a few years ago in Ft. Lauderdale going up for a ride in the Goodyear Blimp, and it was a little freaky but probably worth the $25 per person they were charging. I think I felt better when I was back on the ground, but that's another story. Anyway, Airship Ventures feels that $25 might be a little on the 70's side of profitability, so for a 1-hour deluxe view from a gondola hanging beneath a flying canvas elephant, they have decided a fair price is $495 per person. Did you think that was a typo, putting a 4 in front of the expected $95 price tag? Not a misprint! They're betting people will lay out nearly $500 a pop to ride the floating hippo. With 401K's and stocks being where they are, The Cap'n thinks this idea might go over like a Led (i.e. lead) - well, you know.

If you truly want to see the San Francisco area and visit the vineyards of Napa Valley, Mann Travels can help arrange that for you. Anything from organized tours to flight, hotel and car where you become a do-it-yourselfer, the Bay Area is always a highlight for tourism. Feel free to contact me for rates and options any time. Just don't ask me for Zeppelin tickets, or you're more liable to get ones for a reunion concert than a balloon ride.

Congratulations to the Irish! No, not Notre Dame. Yesterday after work I did "early voting" for the upcoming Presidential election. My co-worker will be on a cruise next week, so I'll be tied up to the pier helping clients, and I couldn't risk long lines on Election Day where nobody would be here to mind the Bridge. Of course, I can't tell you who I voted for - that wouldn't be ethical, although you can probably judge from my blog who I think is the right person for the job. Now I'm pretty good with the engines on my ship, but other than that I'm possibly the least-mechanical male God ever produced. Ok, there was Liberace and maybe a few others who were worse, but I'm certainly in the Top 10! Anyway, North Carolina doesn't have paper ballots or anything you can write down or punch through or click. We have pushy-buttons. How about that? Pushy-buttons. They kept saying "Once you do your pushy-buttons, you have to go back and review and confirm. If you don't review and confirm, even though you used the pushy-buttons, your vote won't count squat." That may not have been the exact language, but you get the picture. I wanted to make sure my vote counted, particularly for my #1 candidate, so just to make sure things went well I voted for everybody who started with the letter "O". There was Commissioner O'Hara, District Court Judge O'Houlihan, a couple of O'Rourkes and an O'Malley thrown in there as well. So congrats to all the O'Politicians - I hope your eyes are smilin' next Tuesday night. But no way are you going to get me to tell you who I voted for at the top. That's between me and the Fightin' Irish.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Did you say Runway K9?

Pilots coming into Boston's Logan International airport Saturday evening were met with a highly unusual circumstance. The runways were covered in Choochy. Say what? Maybe I should explain....Choochy is somebody's pet poodle, who was being transported from Detroit to Boston, but while they were unloading her from the plane, she escaped from her porta-kennel and began running all over Logan's runways. This caused at least 8 flight delays, some for as long as 30 minutes, and forced some airborne pilots to alter their routes, while Choochy ran amok on the runways. At least 15 police, firefighters, airport ground personnel and even electricians tried to capture the elusive Choochy, but to no avail. You're probably visualizing this, figuring it must have taken them 45 minutes to an hour to get Chooch The Pooch back into a kennel again. Eh, not exactly. How about 17 HOURS!! Eventually Choochy was rounded up late Sunday afternoon, and airport spokesman Phil Orlandella said the poodle was treated and released from a nearby animal hospital, and re-united with her worried owner. Knowing the Boston crowd as I do, it would not be surprising if the affected travelers called this female dog by another name, and I don't mean Choochy, 'Lil Puppy or Sweet Girl....

Today Carnival decided the European market may be more saturated than previously thought, with the economy being so ratty. The Carnival Pride was supposed to go over to Europe this Summer, but instead she will be doing 6, 7 and 8 night cruises from Baltimore. Also the Carnival Liberty is staying put in Miami for all of 2009, contrary to plans. Here's a link to the whole story from USAToday's travel section:

http://www.usatoday.com/travel/cruises/item.aspx?type=blog&ak=57615085.blog

Short blog today....I'm going to try to VOTE EARLY. It's not that I don't trust doing things on Election Day, but if enough of us vote early, maybe they'll know the result and you won't have to waste your time standing in line next Tuesday. That's me, just tryin' to help...

Friday, October 24, 2008

We Can't Even Think Of A Word That Rhymes!

There you have it, the greatest rock 'n roll lyric of all time, from Alice Cooper's School's Out.

Well we got no class
And we got no principles (ie: principals)
And we got no innocence
We can't even think of a word that rhymes!

For those of us who grew up during the rock 'n roll generation, My G-g-gg-eneration, that line symbolizes rock poking fun at itself, while saying "oh well" and moving ahead anyway. It's what Baby Boomers have become accustomed to, being the ultimate roll-with-the-punches generation. Somehow, we Keep On Truckin' even when we have economic woes, rest-of-the-world woes, White House woes, Summertime Blues, it really doesn't matter. We have always made things happen with a Shake, Rattle & Roll, and it's important for everyone to ROCK THE VOTE on Nov. 4th. Or earlier if possible. We'll make things happen again, hopefully change you can believe in.

Just this morning I was updating my blog profile, with favorite books, interests, movies and music, and Alice Cooper came to mind. Years ago my band was lucky enough to open for Alice at the Agora Ballroom in Columbus, OH. Good stuff then, good stuff now. Who would have thought that a guy with spider eyes would age so gracefully, as well as his music. I'm Eighteen will remain the timeless anthem of boys everywhere. If you have an interest in seeing my profile update, click the link at the bottom of the About The Cap'n area to your right. It may be possible that if you watch all those movies, read all those books, listen to the complete catalog of all those musical artists, and try all the activities mentioned, you too could become an interesting and vibrant dude like me. Just don't git yer hopes up too high. But enjoy the music and CRANK IT UP for heaven's sake!!

National Geographic just released it's annual list of top historic destinations that have preserved both history and scenery, while dealing with mass tourism and neglect in some cases. They had a panel of nearly 300 travel experts break down the globe, and select areas of interest and beauty. This History Preservationist List names the top vote-getter as Austria's "Wachau/Welk Abbey" monestary. It scored an 88 on whatever kind of sliding scale they invented for this. A very surprising 2nd place went to Canada's Rideau Canal area (between Watertown NY and Ottawa, Ontario). That's basically a slightly-hilly, mostly-flatland area I've been to fishing myself for nearly 30 years. I can testify it is a fine destination for a laid-back getaway, whether for families, couples or individuals looking to relax and catch some sweet sport fish (while experiencing the lakes and historic locks along the Canal zone). Charleston, SC made the list with a 77 score, edging out the historic areas of Edinburgh, Scotland and Australia's Sydney Harbor. The former Russian community of Sitka, Alaska made the cut (which you can visit on numerous Alaska cruises), as did the area of Ontario just above Niagara Falls called Niagara-On-The-Lake. That's beautiful farmland area with access to the Falls, less than 2 hours from Toronto, and it's also a booming winemaking area. Telluride Colorado made the list too, so if you haven't been skiing in a while and want to see a higly-rated historic area with great powder snow, that would make a great change-of-pace choice. Istanbul Turkey and Olympia Greece represented the ancient historic areas, while Munich Germany and historic Philadephia PA offered a more modern historic viewpoint. Any time you're looking to travel, whether for history, culture, nightlife, food, beaches or just plain fun we have the knowledge and can provide lots of options for you. I specialize in leisure travel, but if there are areas of the world I'm not as familiar with, I can recommend other experienced agents to help you with travel plans.

There's a phenomenon affecting an estimated one million Japanese people, nearly all of whom are male. They suffer from an anti-social behavioral funk called "Hikikomori", where they confine themselves inside a structure (typically, a bedroom in their parents' home) for months at a time without live human interaction. No one has been able to pinpoint the exact cause of this malady, nor has anyone provided a workable cure at this point. In July, Japanese software company Avex produced a video, in an attempt to help the people suffering from this debilitating effect. The video features a series of young women staring into the lens, occasionally saying "Good morning," so that Hikikomori sufferers can practice feeling the gaze of strangers. How that's supposed to simulate the real world is beyond me, Mates. I'm thinking maybe they should create a video of a guy with Hikikomori, who walks outside his house and immediately gets a big kiss from a beautiful woman, is handed the keys to a brand new car, and given bagloads of money just for walking outside. Yes that's unlikely to happen and is basically a lie, but it sure sounds like a better movie than that "Good morning" nonsense. Maybe they should start cooking their fish...the invention of fire has made for some good eats for quite a few centuries now....

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Skies Soon Friendlier?

There is a report this morning on USAToday.com, explaining new procedures for flying in 2009 that everyone should be aware of. Some airlines may begin instituting these policies as early as January. It seems there are a lot of people out there who still book themselves on flights by using their last name and 1st initial only. Like P. Johnson. That is little or no help to the TSA or Department of Homeland Security, who would like to do background checks to protect the traveling public. It also tends to bring up false "hits" from terror watchlists, where it cannot be determined who the person really is. With the new rules, people will have to book with their legal names, and must be prepared to also provide birthdates, or face being denied boarding at the gate with no recourse. As you might suspect, there's an enormous difference between trying to do a check on P. Johnson versus Paulette Amanda Johnson, born 3-28-57. The latter gives a true picture, instead of just an unrecognizable sketch. There could still be false hits on the most common names and a handful of birthdate matches, but you can see it would be exponentially more rare. It should provide an added layer of security and mental well-being for people who need to fly. It's not a perfect system, but if in fact it is put in place and ID's are checked closely, it has to be better than where we are today. To read the full article:

http://www.usatoday.com/travel/flights/2008-10-22-secureflight_N.htm

In the same spirit as that article, Mann Travels is trying to assist in making things easier for you to book future travel with us. We have a secure database in-house, where we store full names and birthdates on file for your entire family, as well as your address and contact phone/email information. In fact, on this secure server we can also store your passport information: passport number, when & where it was issued, expiration date, etc. That allows us to contact you with a reminder, before your passports expire and a vacation could potentially be ruined. Also, if by some chance you are overseas and your passport is lost or stolen, you can contact us and we can supply you with all that information in an emergency, to assist in the processing of a re-issue from the American Embassy. The database also allows us to keep you posted when something on your travel "want list" goes on sale! Example: If one of my clients says "Let me know if you ever see any really good deals on a Mediterranean cruise", I can enter that information, and when something extraordinary comes along, he will receive a timely email with all the details. All these are free services from Mann Travels, your partner in seeing the world.

Here's another travel tip. Some people think that booking travel through a travel agent costs them money. They also think they can do better by going directly to a cruise line or tour operator, and booking themselves. In 99.99% of the cases, this is absolutely wrong! If John Doe calls Royal Caribbean and makes a direct booking, he's getting whatever the current promotion is to book an individual cabin. However, Mann Travels often has large blocks of group space on various sailings, and we could have included him in the buying power of a group purchase, saving him money. Even if Mann Travels doesn't have a group, we're part of the American Express Travel Network, so if an Amex agency in Omaha or Phoenix or Seattle has a group, we can also sell into their space - again saving you money. There is almost never a case where you can get a superior rate by going direct. So if you have future travel plans that you have already booked yourself, direct with a supplier, call me. NOW! The likelihood is we can have that booking turned over to Mann Travels to administer (free), and that would allow us to re-price the reservation at our group rate. It's a win/win for the traveler. Plus think about this...if you book direct and a problem comes up, it's between you and the battery of lawyers representing the supplier. You have nobody in your corner. By allowing us to administer the booking, you get the power of Mann Travels as your advocate (free), and the vast reach and power of the American Express Travel Network as well. You're probably asking "How is this possible, for me to get a lower price by having you handle my reservation -- what's the catch?" Are you ready? There isn't one. Almost all cruise lines and tour companies build in a small, behind-the-scenes commission they pay to travel agents as a thank you for handling reservations, allowing them to hold down their overhead and staffing costs. Even though you booked direct, that behind-the-scenes commission isn't being handed back to you. It's just kept internally meaning extra profit for them. So bottom line when we take over a direct reservation, it's THE SUPPLIER who pays us, not you. All our services, expertise, and truthful and unbiased comments are free. If you call any cruise line or supplier, they'll tell you they are better than the other guy. We all know that's not true, and the only way to get an honest appraisal, based on factual historical dealings with tens of thousands of travelers, is by going through a travel agent. You can keep the same cabin you booked, any onboard perks you booked, nothing changes at all, except you get Cap'n Bob for free. As the commercial says, "Getting The Cap'n for free -- PRICELESS."

The Austin Texas American Statesman newspaper had an interesting report this past August. It seems executives of the municipal transit company in Austin decided to invest tax dollars in a new poster program, billed as a rider-education campaign, giving step-by-step instructions in how to stand up on buses without falling over. The introductory frame of the poster featured a harried rider, sweat pouring from brow, exclaiming, "Help! I'll never figure this out". The educational poster goes on to instruct: Lean forward, and put your weight on your front foot. Thank Heaven we have people who are looking out for us, at the highest levels of local government. Someone could have been killed! The only thing I have to say on the matter is that when you're in Austin Texas....take a cab.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Queen's Final Throne

QE2 (Queen Elizabeth 2nd) is heading off to her final resting place, Dubai. She will be refitted to be a shoreside hotel, but not in the traditional sense like the old Queen Mary. They are not trying to preserve her just as she was. Instead, the interior will be mostly gutted, and re-built as a modern hotel with large rooms and conference facilities inside the ship's hull. The Cunard trademark red funnel (smokestack) is rumored to be removed completely, and placed near the entrance to the hotel. In its place will be a smoked glass structure that will house a luxury suite and swimming pool. Certainly that will be one of those rooms that if you have to ask the price, you can't afford it! They are planning to pull out the engines, and build a nautical-themed lounge in that area. So the "ship" will mostly look like the QE2 from the outside, but inside they are hoping to create an upscale, world-class facility that will allow her to stand for decades to come. If you're one of those purists who thinks this is defacing the history of the ship, now would be a good time to get over yourself! The alternatives for the ship were to be ripped apart and sold for scrap, or sunk somewhere as a reef. At least the sight of her will still bring back memories for past cruisers, and inspire dreams for the next generation. Heck, YOU could have bought her and floated her on your lake if it meant that much to you, but you didn't so don't be a hater.

In a rock 'n roll reference, another Queen bites the dust in a few days. The Delta Queen is scheduled to spend most of the day in Cincinnati, her last venture to that river city after sailing the Mississippi for 80 years. She is not going out without complaints from historians, but the ship simply cannot pass its health and safety inspections. Groups have argued for years that she should be exempt from the rules and regulations, based on being "historic". Well, Mates I disagree in the strongest manner possible. As much as we all like the thought of old people ridin' along to banjo music, fire on board a ship is the #1 fear. As a Cap'n, the safety and lives of my passengers are in my hands, and if my vessel isn't up to the task, and can't be up-fitted to meet the standards of the day, then let bygones be bygones. I'm sure there were history buffs who tried to save the Conestoga Wagon from extinction too, and yet here we are in our Toyotas and such. If these preservationist whiners are so dedicated to riverboats, then they need to invest in building a new one that MEETS the fire and safety codes, so old banjo-lovin' folk will still have somewhere to go besides Branson, Missouri. The ship is scheduled to end service in November, barring some politically-based pork legislation trying to save the unsavable. I'll keep you posted.

I was reading the London Daily Telegraph (sure I was), and there was an article about politics in Brazil. Seems that when you run for local office in Brazil, as a candidate you can register under your own name, or if you feel something more dramatic is needed you can make one up. In the October election that just took place, three separate candidates chose the name "Barack Obama", while others registered under "Bill Clinton," "Jorge Bushi" and "Chico Bin Laden," but in an effort to possibly confuse more than inform, more than 200 candidates listed themselves under the name of the country's popular president, Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva. It may take a number of months to sort out who really won, and if the winner is the actual person represented or an imposter.

Certain Amazonian districts are demanding a re-count already, saying that many of the all-natural ballots made of various jungle flora and tree branches have been corrupted, some with "hanging leaves" where you cannot determine who the ballots were cast for. Former Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris has been called in as a consultant....

Monday, October 20, 2008

No-Name Network Nightmare

If you're the CEO of a major television network, as so many of my readers are, and you are about to sponsor one of the greatest spectacles in sport, you're hoping (and yes, that's hoping as in getting down on your knees, hands clasped, head bowed) that your final participants are high-profile teams from New York and Los Angeles. Or maybe Boston. If you're talking basketball, you could throw in Chicago during the Jordan years and likewise the Windy City if the Cubs ever make it to the final two. Quit laughing, it could happen.

These days, it's all about big revenue and big markets, with big interest so that big advertisers will drop big money to pay big salaries for these big athletes. This year's World Series was just finalized last night, and it's the nice-but-not-quite-New-York Philadelphia Phillies, and the also-nice-but-barely-more-noticeable-than-Omaha-or-Toledo Tampa Bay Rays. I'm sure glad other sports teams had more imagination than the originators from Philadelphia: "Let's call them the Phillies." What if other cities had done that? Could you possibly take seriously teams like the New York "Yorkies"? How about the "Frannies" of San Francisco? Or think about the University of Santa Babara, trying to get behind their ultra-tough football team the "Barbies"? And we're not even going to discuss the High School team from Rocky Nook, Massachusetts!

Notice it's now the Tampa Bay Rays, no longer the Devil Rays. I guess it sounded too evil for the home crowd, but isn't evil good when you are trying to think of tough-sounding mascots? Also they had to call them Tampa Bay, since Tampa itself is too small to support a sports team at the major league level. Once they include the word Bay, as in bay area, you get to chunk in cities like Clearwater, St. Peterburg, Sarasota, Lakeland and so on. That kind of creates an artificially-generated hometown atmosphere, but if you've watched the media talking about the run-up to the Series, you know their stadium has had more empty seats than warm bodies for the most part, for much if not all the regular season. They've tried to create team spirit, but it's rung hollow up to now.

Anyway, back to Philly vs. Tampa Bay. Yeah, you can feel the stirrings on this one already, can't you? Those 2 areas of the US have been highly competitive for years, and the fireworks can hardly wait to explode. Cases in point:

1) Philadelphia is known for it's cheesesteak sandwiches, while Tampa Bay is sandwiched between Tampa and Bradenton, which is kind of cheesey.

2) Philadelphia has the Liberty Bell. Tampa took the liberty of franchising 14 Taco Bells inside its city limits (even more, if you count all the outlying areas!)


3) Philadelphia's fans are rabid and vocal. Tampa Bay fans are vapid and local.

4) The Phillie Phanatic is one of the most recognized mascots in all of sport. The Tampa Bay Rays have....eh....hmmmm...oh yeah - 14 Taco Bells!

So you can see by all the similarities, this will be quite a Series and I'm sure you're busy planning your life around watching the big games coming up. Or not. Now that they start the games so late at night, Major League Baseball is completely losing the youth viewing audience (and the elderly Cap'n's), which doesn't bode well for the sport long-term. When I was a young 'un we'd listen to the games on radio if we were in school, and everybody would watch on the weekend during the daytime. It really WAS our National Pastime. The whole night thing might have been a good idea if they started 2 hours earlier, but now people are just as interested in catching 6 Feet Under or Entourage on cable, as watching some no-name ballplayers, whether or not they're talented. Wrong teams, wrong timing, and even die-hard baseball fans are asking "what else is on?"

Outside Magazine just released its top ski destinations in North America, and once again Utah has come up big. #1 on the list is Alta (which by the way does not allow snowboarders), so for people looking for an ADULT SKI, this is the place. Whistler Blackcomb, just outside Vancouver was next on the list, followed by Vail, Colorado. The only California destination making the top 10 was Squaw Valley at #9, and nothing East of the Mississippi made the grade. Any time you're thinking of heading West to ski the true powder snow, let me know. I've got some excellent contacts who do a great job packaging ski vacations, any way you want them!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

General Colin Powell drops the O-bomb

This morning, retired General Colin Powell made the decision to split with his previous Republican alignment, and endorse Barack Obama for the Presidency. It's the latest in a series of historically-linked Republicans going Democratic. Maybe not long-term, but at least for the upcoming election. Dwight Eisenhower's granddaughter Susan was noticeable, if not notable. More surprising was William F. Buckley's son Christopher, when he cut his ties less than 10 days ago. After all, his father's image was THE image of conservatives for over a generation, and now General Powell joins the growing list. Quite a sight, this election, and totally unlike any I've ever witnessed before. There were theatrics and bloody beatings at the '68 Democratic convention, but in this particular case the bleeding appears to be more internal, as America tries to establish its footing in a new generation of politics.

Last night, Sarah P made her way onto the stage of 30 Rockefeller Center (Saturday Night Live), to allow herself to be part of the laugh sensation she helped to create. Although it's good for candidates to be able to laugh at themselves, she treads waters that only Dan Quayle had previously dog-paddled, so it will be interesting to see if the appearance helps her poll numbers, or if there will be new signs out in front yards next week, McCain/Fey. Their slogan could be "As authentic as in-authenticity can get."

For the 1st time in a L-O-N-G time, I'm pleased to report there is no tropical activity in the Atlantic, Caribbean, or the Pacific in this hemisphere. Maybe Omar was the last of the evil winds for this season. Not a moment too soon, either. After all the gas shortages and damage around Houston and Galveston caused in recent weeks by hurricane Ike, we all deserve a respite from the howling. There's enough of that still going on TV with the political commercials.

Here in North Carolina, I'm convinced that our candidates for Senator, Elizabeth Dole and Kay Hagan, are absolutely not worth voting for. These 2 women have superseded mudslinging, and gone for all-out Women's Mud Wrestling, and when I get in the voting booth, I'm going to see if there is a Libertarian, or a Green Candidate, Minnie Mouse or The AFLAC Duck, or anything human or not that I can vote for. These two embody the spirit of bad politics, and I'd wag my finger and say "shame on you", but it's obvious they care nothing about the hearts and minds of the electorate. And I'm done calling them ladies. These WOMEN do not represent the fine-natured people of North Carolina, and I'll be embarrassed by whichever wins. My prayers are with the AFLAC Duck, or possibly Minnie Mouse in a squeeker.....2-3-4...I'll wait for the laugh.....

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Virgin Likes It On Top

According to Conde Naste Traveler's latest survey, the #1 airline in the USA is: Virgin America. Yes, that's the recent stepchild of Sir Richard Branson's Virgin Atlantic, and from the survey results people still enjoy cleanliness and service when flying. You didn't get cleanliness and service on your last flight around the US? Well, maybe happy days are coming - if the competition cares to compete with up-and-coming Virgin America. Second on the list was Jet Blue, followed by a list of lesser-knowns and mostly regional carriers. Of the largest airlines, only Continental and Alaska Air made the cut. Notably absent were American, Delta (including new acquisition Northwest), Southwest and USAirways. Let's hope Sir Richard's influence will be felt among the masses, somewhere down the road.

Last Thursday, passengers aboard the Caribbean Princess were getting off the ship in Bar Harbor ME, enjoying the sights and sounds and fall foliage colors. They were a little surprised to see a fellow passenger removed from the ship, and led away in handcuffs. 57-year old Saul Canizales-Osuna, listed as being from Albuquerque NM, apparently has a slightly more checkered past than his shipmates thought. It was discovered that Mr. C-O is an illegal immigrant from Mexico, who had previously been deported in 1998 after a conviction for assault with a firearm, with instructions to never return to the US. As it turns out, he re-crossed within days using an old "Green Card", and established himself in New Mexico, before thinking recently that he might enjoy a Canada/New England cruise. For any of you who have cruised over the last couple of years, you know the rules are much tighter now. Cruise lines are requiring legal names, birthdates and other background information in conjunction with the Department Of Homeland Security directives, for exactly these reasons. Mr. C-O is not the first person caught, either. There have been "deadbeat dads", people with outstanding arrest warrants, and others who have found themselves in the newly-developed safety net. Of course the larger intent is to recognize and intercept any potential terrorists, but the new regulations have had a trickle-down effect of locating other undesirables as well. I'm sure his dining table-mates had plenty to talk about the rest of the cruise.

Among the losers in the recent housing crash was "The Shire" in Bend, Ore., which was to be a village of 31 homes in the style of those in the Lord of the Rings series. Acccording to a report in the Bend Bulletin, the homes were to be built of "unique stonework, artificial thatched roofs, terraces, gardens, and a network of streams and ponds with a pathway to a Ring Bearer's Court." Developer Ron Meyers said he hopes that new ownership will respect his fantasy-based concept, and help complete his dream. Precious, to say the least....

Friday, October 17, 2008

Wednesday is Fryday?

There is an internet Urban Legend floating around, that next Wednesday is the 60th anniversary of Wendy's (Oct. 22nd), and that all menu items will be sold at the original price from way-back-when (.25cent hamburgers, .10cent drinks, etc). As a big-time Wendy's guy, that got me ready to drop anchor and fill up the hold next Wednesday, until I got thinking about it. Although founder Dave Thomas has died, he seemed like a pretty young guy to me. So I dug around a bit on my computer and found that the 1st Wendy's opened in Columbus Ohio, in the SUMMER of 1969. I know things can happen with the calendar, leap year and all that kind of thing, but I've never known October to fall in the Summer. And being the math wizard that I am, I put me some #2 pencil to paper and figured out 2008 minus 1969 does not equal 60. They're 60th anniversary won't come for another 21 years, and it sure as heck isn't coming in October. So if any of my readers had canceled business meetings, family gatherings or funerals to attend the big shindig at Wendy's next Wednesday, The Cap'n is here to tell you "Go on now. Git on with your life." You can still use the Value Menu, or scrunch way down low, raise your voice a pitch or 2 higher and order a kids' meal (be sure to get one of those little action toys -- collect all four!).

After a 2-3 year absence from hurricane damage, the Costa Maya area is back up and running, to a round of applause from cruise passengers. That area has great beaches, and is a nice change of pace from the usual ports offered. On the popular island of Cozumel, Carnival Cruise Line has finally completed it's "Puerta Maya" double cruise ship pier. For people who have had to tender over the last couple of seasons, it'll be welcome relief to be able to just walk off the ship and head to town. This time, though, the key phrase for re-building is LESSON LEARNED. The old Cozumel pier was built more from practicality than with major storms in mind. In hindsight, whatever money they saved going that route was a mistake. The new double pier was built to withstand a category 5 hurricane (highest possible rank), and they added a 9-acre cruise center complete with shops, restaurants and bars, plus a 4-acre transportation hub for getting passengers in and out swiftly and with greater ease. Here is a link to check out the new facility: http://www.puertamaya.com/. There's even a live webcam - I'm always a sucker for that kind of thing. I'm thinking of installing one in the mess hall, so you can watch me eat.

Meanwhile, Royal Caribbean has announced it is expanding its operation into Dubai, United Arab Emirates starting in 2010. The Brilliance Of The Seas will be relocated to the Middle East for these 7-night sailings. Before you start looking to sign up, the itineraries have not been formally announced yet, and you should know it will not be your normal Royal Caribbean cruise experience! The likelihood is it will be marketed very little, if at all to the US. The food, entertainment, service and activities will all be geared towards a more local, Middle-Eastern audience. A small segment of Americans may choose to do this as an adventure cruise, but be sure to go in with eyes open, before writing a complaint letter "I couldn't understand the first word that guy was singing"...

News from the Toronto Globe & Mail newspaper (in case you can't locate your copy). Back in 2003, a worker named Yves Julian, who was employed by the Canada Border Services Agency, had worked an extended Holiday shift of 8 hours at premium pay, plus he agreed to work 3 additional hours at overtime-premium pay. During the shift, when asked to work the additional hours, he purchased a $9 sandwich which he said was a necessary business expense to keep him going. He wanted reimbursement for the sandwich, but the Agency said he was not entitled, since by contract he was already being handsomely rewarded for the extended service. Mr. Julian later took this to court, and after nearly 5 years of reviews, hair-splitting legal decisions and exhaustive appeals, his determination paid off and he was awarded $9. Unfortunately, the legal costs combined on both sides exceeded $78,000.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Omar The Rainmaker

People in the Virgin Islands and St. Maarten are letting out a sigh of relief today. Hurricane Omar went from being a small fry to a full-blown category 3 baked potato, and fortunately passed between the islands, causing minimal damage. Even though he was packing sustained winds of 125 mph, a last-minute turn sent Omar between land masses, churning the ocean like an incessantly loud child throwing a tantrum. Obviously the cruise lines who use those islands and their tours as a revenue source and port of call are relieved as well. There was one death in Puerto Rico blamed on Omar, a heart attack that happened when a man was shuttering his home in preparation for the storm. No injuries were reported on the other islands, just some trees down and debris, with mudslides and some localized flooding. But the islanders will soon pick up the palm fronds, make them into hats to sell to tourists at $25 a pop, and it'll be business as usual in the Leeward islands.

Hey you. Traveler. Got no passport yet? Wanna get away before the Holidays? Here's a thought that might grab your fancy. The leaves are starting to turn color, and in just a few weeks they'll be gone, and we'll have bare trees until Spring time. But it's always green in Florida. For a quick getaway, or even a week or more, you've got options: Miami Beach, South Beach, the Keys, Tampa, Clearwater, St. Petersburg, Orlando, Marco Island, Sanibel, Longboat Key, West Palm Beach - there's plenty of Florida to choose from. More than almost any other state, Florida has seasonal pricing. Hotel rates always skyrocket around Dec. 15, and don't fall back until the middle of April, give-or-take. But if you have some free time between now and Dec. 15th there are some excellent values available, and if you're even a little flexible we can work to find you the best air promotions as well. Who wants to look at bare old brown tree stumps anyway? Beat the bleak. Call or email me for pricing on a trip to Florida, and enjoy a little more sunshine before 2008 (or your tan) disappears.

According to the Sep. 12th Wisconsin State Journal, Wendy Brown seemed thrilled, after making her high school's cheerleading squad at the age of 15. Even at this young age, she claimed it had been "a life-long dream come true" for her. Wendy was attending Ashwaubenon High School in Green Bay, and had been practicing each routine rigorously, to make the A Team. Apparently she made quite an impression on school officials and the cheerleading committee, who found her to be extremely mature and capable. As the days and weeks progressed, some began to question if Wendy wasn't a little TOO mature for her age. After some digging and research, it was discovered that 15-year old Wendy was actually 33-year old Wendy, who had stolen her estranged daughter's identity to fulfill her goal of becoming a Varsity cheerleader. Ms. Brown has been indicted on identity theft charges, while her daughter in Nevada was unavailable for comment. Rumor has it Wendy is organizing "Spirit Lines" in the correctional holding facility.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

And Debate goes on...Debate goes on (La tee da dee dee)

Arrrrrr. The Cap'n is recuperating from a bout with some bad grog, so my apologies to all my loyal readers - BOTH OF YOU - for my not being around the last couple of days.

A very unusual sight indeed, a tropical storm forming off the coast of South America has not only soaked the normally-arid Aruba, Bonaire and Curacao, but as it has moved north it has become hurricane Omar. Now this late-bloomer threatens the US and British Virgin Islands, and more directly the island of Puerto Rico. Of course, people who are in the middle of Eastern Caribbean cruise itineraries that left last weekend are hatin' this. Lots of rain, wind, and the seas have got to be chunky-style anywhere near ol' Omar. But, when you book travel in Aug/Sep/Oct as we've discussed many times, it's a throw of the dice when it comes to weather. Why do you think the cruises are so cheap at that time of year? They have to fill up these massive ships one way or another, and dropping fares because of seasonality is the #1 way to do it.

Now here's what makes me laugh, Mates. I hear land-lubbers say all the time "Boy, if I were going on vacation to The Caribbean, you sure wouldn't catch me on a ship in a hurricane." My answer (in my best Hulk Hogan voice) would be Brother, that's EXACTLY where you want to be! The one place you don't want to be is stuck on an island somewhere, with no way out and praying there will be a tomorrow. Granted if you hit a rough patch, the tossing of the seas might make you a little green around the gills temporarily on a ship, but that's nothing compared with facing down a potentially life-and-death situation on land, where some evil wind named Omar has its crosshairs fixed on your aloe-vera soaked forehead. As Forrest Gump would put it, "Ships is as ships does." And what they does is keep your vacationin' family happy, healthy and far away from danger, while still providing entertainment, activities, and if you approach any of those nice little waiters and barkeeps, they'll even bring you a cold frosty one with a smile. That's vacation right there, lads and lassies.

Tonight is the final Prez debate, and everyone has two questions on their minds:

1) Will Obama be forced to come off-message to talk about happenings 20 years ago?

2) Will McCain still keep saying "My Friends" even though he's only answering Bob Schieffer?

This-here sailor doesn't see any kind of October Surprise, or game-changing moment coming, but then again this isn't your Papa's plain-old election, now is it? I'm kind of proud to see some of the changes America is making, and whether or not my candidate wins it'll be history one way or t'other. But he's gonna win, doggone it!

A while back, I kind of went off on PETA, because although there are some well-meaning pet lovers out there, the radicals have a master plan for the better-than-humans among us. According to the Agence French-Presse (that's French for newspaper) and the London Times, maybe the most active of PETA'ns have moved to Switzerland. I never quite understood how the most neutral country on Earth has it's biggest claim to fame as exporting Army knives, but that's just me. Anyway, in this story it's reported that effective September 2008, Switzerland imposed the world's most extensive array of animal "rights"ever. If it's at the expense of humans or not, that's for you to decide...

Dog owners must take, at their own expense, classes in pet care. Likewise, Fishermen must take a class in the humane treatment of fish. I guess that would be "don't chop their little heads off", but that's how they earn their livelihood! Animals listed on their hand-selected registry as "social animals" (including goldfish, hamsters, sheep, goats, and yaks. Yes, my friends I said yaks) must be kept with or near another of their species. You want to have yourself one little pet something-or-other in Switzerland these days? NO SHEEP FOR YOU! Thank you, Seinfeld. Oh wait, it gets even stranger. We've all heard of living in a goldfish bowl. Not any more. Goldfish, by law, must be furnished at least some "privacy". In other words, no completely transparent tanks, and they can only be killed humanely, never flushed down the latrine alive.

Enforcement of these new laws, as you might imagine, will be nonsensical and as complicated and insanely-thought-out as the master plan itself. I'd call the whole thing bird-brained, but somebody might come and implant a metal chip in my skull, to re-program me in a more pet-friendly manner. That can't be good for passing through airport security....

Friday, October 10, 2008

Solving the World's Economic Crisis - A PRIMER IN COMMON SENSE!

I sure wish you folks would let me sit this one out and fish all day, but apparently the world needs me to step in and fix this doggone thing, once and for all. Let's review the facts, and just like a mathematical equation, start with your GIVENS:

1) The world economy is in the outhouse

2) Washington can't immediately help

3) Media coverage is continuous

Have you figured out the problem yet? It's kind of #1, a little #2, but the real culprit is #3. Panic begets panic. It's Biblical. People are still going to stores, they're still buying vacations, they're still paying $3-4 a gallon at the pumps. I'm not naive enough to think it's not affecting a lot of people, but the PANIC comes as much from reading, watching and listening to the pundits wailing day and night, and the public unfortunately keeps reading, watching and listening! You know why stations televise cop/car chases? Or helicopter views of disasters for hours on end? Because we watch. Yes we do. And that's part of what's happening here. Do you think a company like GE is going out of business? General ELECTRIC? Last time I checked, electricity was here to stay and they have diversified into wind power and other investments. That's why Warren Buffet just sank billions of his own dollars into GE. So it's not like every company in the world has suddenly tanked. It's cause and effect, and the panic of us watching this all day makes us kick out our knees like an old granny, gettin' out of a bath onto a cold linoleum floor. What happens? You can wager on a busted hip or something, darn-near every time. So let's not be granny! Not an ostrich with our heads underground either, but keep it all in perspective. If you have, or had paper wealth, you haven't lost a dime unless you sell. Just make sure you buy rock-solid companies at this point.

Years ago in the mid 80's there was a semi-crash of the markets, and I remember calling my broker asking if I should sell everything. His calm reply stayed with me to this day:

"Cap'n Bob, 1 of 2 things is happening - either the world as we know it is about to end, in which case it doesn't matter what you do because whoever has the most guns wins. OR, this is the greatest buying opportunity since 1929."

I listened to him and bought excellent stocks low, and eventually made a nice little treasure chest as a result. Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT advocating you go out and buy a bunch of stocks today, as the market is still in a bit of freefall (thanks again, media). Eventually though, just like in the middle 80's, one of 2 things is happening. Get the picture? If you can't take the heat of watching the news about this, TURN THE CHANNEL. You can watch Green Acres or Kojak re-runs almost any time day or night, and if you just come back to look at things in a few months, it's quite possible miracles will happen, even without your active participation. The great and powerful Oz has spoken.

Baja (Aha) Razbanyai siati benefuchi

If you're not a 3-Stooges fan, you have NO IDEA what I'm talking about (from the classic "Three Little Pirates", 1946). Feel free to check out a snippet from the original:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsz8kgu6g7Q

Ok, they used Maha instead of Baja. So sue me! File it under creative rhyming comedic license. The reason I brought up the Baja Peninsula of Mexico (that little leg-looking thing hanging off the West Coast) is because it's in the active-weather news, particularly the popular tourist spot of Cabo San Lucas. Cabo is currently in the cross-hairs of Hurricane Norbert, and lurking just to the south is tropical storm Odie (since when did we start naming hurricanes after characters from the Sunday Funnies, by the way?). While Norbert approaches East-to-West, Odie appears to be on a different course, heading Northwest scraping the coast of Mexico, but it's thrown all the cruises from LA and San Diego into a complete tizzy. If you look at a map, there are no really good alternate ports of call when you start your cruises from Southern California. You've got Ensenada just across the border, but that's about it. Yuck. As I've blogged before and will blog again, if you choose to travel during hurricane season, and you select sailings that don't have alternate ports of call, "you pays your money and you takes your chances". Simple as that. Luckily things have wound down in The Caribbean (he said, knocking on wood). There's Low pressure sitting far out in the Atlantic, but computer models show it piddling off to the North away from the US or the islands of The Caribbean. Let's hope Odie is the last sight of anything deserving a name for 2008.

Ever watch Lifestyles Of The Rich & Famous when it was on TV? If so, you probably saw at least one segment about an exclusive area on the Southeast shores of the Dominican Republic, called "Casa De Campo". It's world famous for its spa, golf, great beaches, and how many places can you go in The Caribbean to watch a Polo match!? There is an activities camp for the kids as well, if you are looking to get away with the family. The reason I bring up this resort is they are currently running a great incentive to come and check them out. They are offering a 4th Night FREE promo in conjunction with American Airlines for a limited time. You'll also find a choice of 9 restaurants on the property, plus horseback riding, freshwater pools, deep-sea fishing and many other activities including 3 championship golf courses. Call or email for pricing, and if you have some spare time this is a great opportunity to live the high life, while it's on sale!

If you're wondering how my takeover of the hearts & minds of planet Earth is going (see yesterday), I haven't seen a heck of a lot of difference. YET! I know my readers are busy folk, and they can't just sit there and help out the ol' Tar all day instead of working. But it's F-r-i-d-a-y. Tomorrow starts the weekend, and I feel pretty confident most of you will put your lives on hold to sit at your computer 10-12 hours each, to help me achieve my grand plan (except for Skippy and LouAnne's Mom, who has to cart them to the soccer game, then pick up a Fudgy-The-Whale cake from Carvel on the way home). Message to Skippy's Mom: If you plan ahead for pot pies or some other pre-fab dinner tomorrow, that still leaves you a good 4-5 hours to join the effort! Don't give me lame excuses, we've all been there. Well, maybe I haven't exactly been a soccer Mom, but you've never been a cranky ol' Seafarer bent on world domination either, so there. We're even, the way I sees it.

By the way, I'm proud that I'm starting to be recognized as a news-breaking journalist in my own right. I reported a week ago about the Nebraska law allowing parents to drop off unwanted teens, in a loophole to the Safe Haven law. Guess what - the Today Show and now the Nightly News has picked up the story as well, but you heard it here first, Mateys!

A Watertown, S. D. newspaper recently ran a retraction in their Police Blotter section. To protect the innocent, I'll paraphrase slightly, to not identify the perp:

"Due to incorrect information received from the Clerk of Court's Office, Diane K. age 38, was incorrectly listed as being fined for prostitution in Wednesday's paper. The charge should have read: failure to stop at a railroad crossing. The newspaper regrets this oversight, and apologizes for the error."

So next time you think YOU'RE having a bad day, just remember Diane K. age 38.....

Thursday, October 9, 2008

One-two-three-Ah DO YOU LOVE ME? (now that I can dance?)

Yesterday I was lying in my hammock on the aft deck, chasing a few hot toddies with some cold ones after dinner. I found myself thinking the same things you do when you're relaxing....what's the meaning of life, where can I get my hands on $700 billion dollars to make everything ok again, is that a fly in my rum or just a piece of lint, you know - the usual stuff. Anyway, it took me back to a time much earlier in my life (sometime around 3pm last Monday) when it had occurred to me that HEY! For a retired Skipper, I'm not such a hack writer compared to most. Sometimes after a half-dozen Rum swizzles, I actually make myself laugh while bloggin', and hope my audience has the same reaction. So I thinks to me-self "My legacy on Earth is gonna be this-here junky little skiff-of-a-boat, a few photographs of me fishin', a rock opera I wrote on my accordian, and this blog about travel and stuff. I need to expand my electronic footprint by reaching every person on the planet." You think that's such an overwhelming impossibility? Obviously you have not enjoyed the same half-dozen glasses of swill that I have when preparing your life goals. But ye of little faith, lemme assure you:

The Cap'n has a plan!

Here's where we start, and BOY this is simple. I'm guessing, conservatively, I have close to triple-digit readership, maybe more. But let's just say it's a hunnert of you (that means 100, for those who don't understand sea-dog verbiage). For the most part, I figure all of you have computers since that's where I write this stuff. There may be a couple of psychics who channel my blog (cool concept, eh?), but overwhelmingly the assumption is you're checking me out on your computer. That means you have E-MAIL! Unless you happen to be a particular 2008 nominee for the US Presidency, I'm gonna assume you know how to use it, too. And I'm not just talking to you, my loyal Blogees. I want you to pass this on to your Blogettes, Significant-Blogothers, and any young Blogalinos in your household. Everybody can join. Here's the plan. Ready? Again, you're not going to believe how easy this is. Take a look at this little bugger:

http://heycaptainbob.blogspot.com/

There are a number of things people call this set of symbols and letters and slashes, known mostly under big-wordy technical terminology as a U.R.L., which stands for Uniform Resource Locator. Huh? Have you ever asked another human being "Yo Mildred - what exactly is your Uniform Resource Locator?" Like that's ever going to happen. I say when in doubt, simplify things. So my term for that grouping of letters and symbols is The Place To Find Cap'n Bob. Succinct, not stuffy, yet straight to the point thank you very much.

Ok, so the plan for each of you, my dear readers (I got that from Edgar Allen Poe, or maybe it was David Allen Coe...I get those two confused), is to copy and paste The Place To Find Cap'n Bob into an email to send out. If you're not so good at computers and don't know how to copy and paste something, relax! You can actually type it in, all by your own self. The / mark is right below the ? on the same key, to the right of >, under ; and ', just left of the right-hand Shift and above the flying Windows thing on your keyboard. Too confusing? THEN FIND A DANG 8-YEAR OLD TO TEACH YOU HOW TO CUT AND PASTE! Anyway, back to the Master Plan For Global Domination. So each of you must cut and paste the "Place" into an email, and then all you have to do is forward it to 220,000 of your closest friends. Can you believe how easy that was? Heck, a hunnert times 220,000 is.....eh.....a lot of people! But we're not done just yet. No, Sir. The most delicious part is that besides the "Place" thing, you're gonna ask them to forward the email to their friends, but they only need to send it to half as many people (that's 110,000 for you math-challenged). That half would send to another half, then another half, and so on until I've got people emailing me in Mandarin Chinese and Latvian. At that point, I will consider my legacy on The Planet complete. What - you got somethin' better? I didn't think so. As soon as you finish today's chapter, go ahead and get yerself to emailin' so the world can become my acorn. That's a phrase my Gramma used to use, and it didn't make a lick of sense back then either. This amazing plan is just another example of my keen vision, and being able to think outside the hull...

Carnival Cruise Line celebrated their return to Grand Turk Cruise Center on the island yesterday, when the Carnival Destiny arrived after a month of storm damage clean-up from Hurricane Ike. The beach was clean as a whistle, and lined with 1,500 lounge chairs. The shops were up-and-running and even air-conditioned, and Margaritaville was open for drinks, food, music and fun. The only thing missing was the Flow-Rider (fake surfing ride) which is still under repair, but GREAT JOB overall by Carnival in getting customers back to the island in just a month's time.

If you happen to be in New York City on Oct. 16th, and anywhere near the pier area, you may want to swing by to wave to the Queen Elizabeth II (also known as the QE2). Why do that, when she's been there 705 times before? Because the 706th will be the LAST time she ever graces the NY skyline as she heads to retirement. To make it more special, the Queen Mary II (QM2) will also be sailing into port later in the day, making it a memorable opportunity for visitors and photographers, as well as locals to say hello and goodbye in the same breath. In fact, you'll want a ring-side seat to be there at 5pm, when a flotilla of FDNY fire boats escorts the QE2 out towards the Statue of Liberty, passing the QM2. A future-poster moment for sure. For those residents or visitors wanting to experience this, here are the suggested viewing areas according to Cunard Cruise Line:

Battery Park (on the southern shoreline of Manhattan)

Robert F. Wagner Jr. Park (overlooking the Hudson River, great view of the Statue of Liberty) Wasn't he the guy who played "Number Two" in the Austin Powers movies, and if so how did he get his own park for goodness's sake?

The Esplanade (running the entire length of Battery Park City, along the Hudson from Stuyvesant High School on the north to Battery Park, and Hudson River Park (extends for five miles along the Manhattan shoreline from Battery Place to West 59th Street).

That's it for today -- WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Get to emailin', people! I've got to get back to practicing how to deal with all my new-found notoriety and such.

EPILOGUE: If any of you cannot think of 220,000 friends - and that's possible for the "loners" among you - just send to as many as you can think of who enjoy a chuckle or three every day. Do it. Now! I created this post nearly 2 hours ago, and I'm not famous yet. At least not so's I can tell a difference.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

LETDOWN at the Get-Down

Where do I start? Last night's Prez debate was set up to be a "Town Hall" meeting, where our choices-to-be would interact with real people like the you's and me's of our great Country. It also had tremendous anticipation of how each candidate would address the filthy, negative campaigning that has poisoned the rhetoric over the last week. Then the candidates were introduced. Suddenly, here comes Peaches and hear comes Cream. They weren't candidates. No, they were Candy Dates! It was like watching two boys dressed up for the prom, who tried to stay on best behavior while Mom and Dad were watching. McCain weighed in with a new additional bailout plan that just rang hollow, and Obama just stayed pleasant, content with citing his standard litany of talking points. Guys, I've seen more fireworks on Oprah! If you're going to use the taped media (ads) to call each other terrorists and senile geezers, you owed the American people an explanation using LIVE media, during the debate.

Actually, it wasn't a debate. It was the latest comedy series in the Must See TV Fall lineup, "He Said, He Said". Two zany, big-city types who crave attention try to re-create the same adversarial chemistry as Felix Unger and Oscar Madison (The Odd Couple), while gallivanting around the USA to see who can out-mudsling the other. Hilarity ensues. Well, not so much. You gents are fishing for new voters, but they're not going to take de bait, if you don't debate! Who is to blame for this posing-statue show? Certainly not the hand-picked 80+ souls dressed in their Sunday finest to be on television. I'll put 70% of the blame on the Candy Dates themselves, but a full 30% needs to go to Tom Brokaw. Nice man, nice career as a Talking Head. But there's a reason he's retired, and it was obvious he was pitching softballs underhanded, when America needed someone who could bring the heater. Why these two were never once confronted on the ethics and reality of their advertising charges is beyond me. You think Chris Matthews would have let that slide? Or if he were still with us Tim Russert? Honestly, if you're going to pick moderators who don't moderate, what you're really looking for is a Master of Ceremonies. I'm sure Pat Sajak would have been a better choice...at least he might have ad-libbed a gem or two. For all the hype of the debate, we got nuthin'. NUTHIN'! The worst part is that I know when I go up to the bridge this morning to turn on my TV, those same attack-dog lying cheating good-for-nothing ads will be right back on to try to sway my vote. Personally I know my vote and I'm disappointed in my Candy Date. But I'm worried about the segment of voters who really do listen to trash (as was obvious by the fact that GW Bush got a 2nd term). It's a sad day. In fact, I'm calling for renaming WEDNESday as SADday. What the heck is a "wednes", anyway? That day never made sense to me, but I think we all understand Sadday.

One final note on the debate, and news coverage in general. This is the 1st election in my lifetime that there is no neutral, round-table discussion after the fact. Maybe Tim Russert took that with him when he left, which does not bode well for us in the future. Instead of people with neutral views talking facts and facts only, each network brings on a far-right-wing "Republican Strategist" and a far-left-wing "Democratic Strategist" to tell us what we just heard. Eh, NO THANK YOU! We're smart enough to make our own decision without a 180-degree bias being thrown in our faces. And by the way, we're not on the far right or left -- the reason you see so many undecided voters is because you're not addressing the Middle. That's where we are, smack dab in the Middle. Come find us, if you can....

HEY MOUSEKETEERS! There is some big news from Disney Cruise Line. They just announced that in the Summer of 2010 (not next Summer, the one after for those of you who are date-challenged), they will run a 5-month Europe season which will include four Northern Europe cruises for the 1st time. Those four 12-night sailings will be in June and July 2010, and will include numerous Scandinavian countries and St. Petersburg Russia, cruising roundtrip from England. On their Mediterranean sailings, they will do the typical ports of call but are also adding 3 new ones, Corsica, Malta and Tunis (Tunisia) on the North African coast. Of course you have to get the ship over there and back, meaning two 14-night Transatlantic crossings as well. Yes, it's true Disney comes with a price tag. Some would say a whopping price tag at that, but it's ultra-high Disney quality, and absolutely the greatest family product out there. Do not be fooled by thinking you can wait for deals later. Wrong! The name Disney is not just a draw in the USA, it has world-wide presence, and these European itineraries will sell out at WHATEVER PRICE TAG THEY PUT ON THEM, in very short order. Mann Travels will always have the best possible price on these cruises, and of course you get our great service and abundant knowledge absolutely free. Call or email me for details on these, and we'll get your family booked on a once-in-a-lifetime cruise vacation to Europe!

An update from Norwegian Cruise Line on their new "F3" ship. Due to cost over-runs the F3 Class may not happen at all. The shipyard in Europe was ordered by NCL's parent company to shut down building operations, as it appears the costs of completing the ship may outweigh the potential future financial gains. At least that's what they are considering. At this moment we don't know if the project is permanently shelved, but prospects aren't bright. F3 was going to be NCL's answer to the new Royal Caribbean & Carnival feature-laden ships. It had things like wavy-shaped cabins and an Ice Bar, which only holds about 20 people with a $25 cover charge, and the temperature would be held below freezing, with people wearing fur coats. Yeah, I never got that either. That may work in Vegas, but as Skipper of a ship myself, when a room gets too cold I turn the darned heat up. Cap'n Bob's gettin' some old bones.

And now some health news. In September, Glen Kusak entered the 4th annual "Big Tex Choice Award" contest, which is a pre-cursor to the cooking and baking contests at the Texas State Fair in Dallas. It's a contest for best tasting new food entry, and this year's winner Glen decided he was going to go a little more health-conscious, instead of the typical State Fair fare of Corny Dogs, Cotton Candy and Funnel Cakes. He had seen previous-years' entries that were not very heart and health-friendly, and he decided to just go for maximum flavor, while combining an unusual variety of tastes no one had ever seen before. So what was his winning entry?

Chicken-Fried Bacon

Fast food restaurants are already lined up to get the recipe, and it'll come with your own beeper, which will automatically dial 911 when you hit the ground. Yummmo!