Wednesday, December 31, 2008

2008, Get thee behind me!

Short and sweet today, my travelators. I'm getting ready to head up to the bridge, to RUM in the New Year! We haven't even started 2009 yet, but I am going out on a limb with a bold prediction. It's gonna be better than this piece-of-junk 2008. About the only good thing that happened in '08 was the feeling America has with a new administration, that maybe - just maybe we can get our act together again as one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. Amen to that. Stay safe tonight, and pass the Cheez Doodles.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Out with the old!

As we're heading into a New Year, blogettes, I'm looking back on 57 years of personal history, to see if things have ever been quite like this. Eh, no. In this decade of the zeros, "8" has not been a great year for anybody. It's the year that "8" up people's retirement funds, as greed took over the world (even more than normal). Hate rhymes with "8", and there seemed to be more of that than ever before as well. I say EIGHT IS ENOUGH! Let's get this 2009 thing going as soon as possible. Nine is fine. Nine rhymes with wine. Nine is acrobatic - it's a 6 standing on it's head. Most importantly, "9" is one better than "8".
I hope the New Year is one better for all of you!

Southwest Airlines is making a few waves, attempting to move into larger markets even in the midst of a struggling economy. In March 2009, they will be coming to Minneapolis-St. Paul, and there are also plans (though no set date yet) to fly into New York's La Guardia airport. That could be quite a feather in their pilot's cap if they can pull it off, and it will be interesting to see how that affects ticket prices in and out of the Big Apple. Hotels are still going to charge their normal rates, but it may make The City more accessible if it's cheaper to get there. Anything that stimulates tourism and spending is welcome. Particularly when you sell travel for a living!

We've all heard about global warming. No one is sure exactly when it started, or who is to blame for the whole thing. But the San Francisco International airport has a partial answer, and it's perfect for those among you who are guilt-ridden on a regular basis. Who exactly does San Fran say is the problem? YOU! Yes, you. Don't go looking around the room to see who I'm talking to. Here's how it works: Airport official say they plan to set up a series of kiosks this Spring, which will allow travelers to purchase certified carbon "offsets." I know, you think The Cap'n just started speaking Mandarin Chinese or something. They speak a little differently in California, and even more so in the Bay Area. Therefore, I'll try plain English:

Travelers will go to the kiosk, and enter their destination into the touchscreen. The super-green computer will calculate the amount of carbon dioxide for which the passenger is "responsible," by doing the evil thing of getting on an airplane. It will tell the unfortunate soul the cost in DOLLARS of offsetting his or her carbon-based debt to society. It doesn't ask the person's weight, height or how many bags they checked, so I'm not sure how accurate it could possibly be. What about that super-green computer? To my knowledge there's no such thing as a computer that doesn't leave a carbon footprint, but irony is in the eye of the beholder. Anyway, the kiosk computer gives you a printout, which is essentially "You bad person you! To make things right with God and the universe, please swipe your Visa, Mastercard or American Express card in the following amount..." No, I'm not kidding. So what do you get for your $49.95 or whatever? I mean, besides absolution of your carbon sins? Customers will get a receipt, listing the exact carbon-reducing projects their money went to. Such as the Fund To Replicate And Construct Computers For Kiosks, Without Harming Mother (Or Father) Nature, People, Underprivileged Goats, Or Anything Even Remotely Non-Nutritious Or Bad For Earth's Karma. The good old F.T.R.A.C.C.F.K.W.H.M.(O.F.)N.P.U.G.O.A.E.R.N.N.O.B.F.E.K. It's a proud moment for society, despite the horrible "footprint" you leave behind by every day, by living and breathing. Maybe if you ate more Cheerios and soy milk, you'd be a better carbon-person. Maybe not.

Cracker-Jack? The Orange County Register reports that an Irvine, California lady named Debra Rogoff went to the nearby Whole Foods grocery store in Tustin back in October, and among other items she bought some crackers. Nothing as generic as Saltines, Graham Crackers, or Ritz. No, she bought the famous Annie's Sour Cream And Onion Cheddar Bunny Crackers. You know, the kind you used to have as a kid, right? Don't get me wrong, Annie's is a great brand and their mac-and-cheese is awesome. But back to our news story. When the Rogoff family got home, Debra's daughter couldn't wait to dig in to her yummy snack. To her horror, when she opened up the box, there weren't any crackers at all! Just a stinkin' old envelope, filled with crisp $100 bills. To the tune of $10,000. She took it in to her Mommy, thinking maybe Mommy could work her Mommy-Magic, and turn the cash back into delicious crackers. No such luck, little one. But Ms. Rogoff is a fine citizen, and she called police, thinking maybe she had stumbled into a drug transaction or something, where money was disguised in the box and prepared for pickup. Investigators dug into that angle for a while, but received a second phone call a few days later. From Whole Foods in Tustin, CA. Apparently an elderly lady came in, all worked up to hysteria about a particular box of Annie's crackers (you know which flavor, don't you?). She had returned the box of crackers for refund a few days earlier, and by coincidence she had a similar empty box of said crackers which she kept in her home, filled with an envelope and her life savings. Well, as you might suspect, she went to her cash-stash box of Annie's one day, only to find there were *gulp* CRACKERS in the box! She realized she had returned the wrong box, and immediately went to the store to hopefully locate the missing box and put things right. Are you still with me? First of all, who keeps their life savings in an Annie's box? Secondly, who RETURNS an open box of Annie's crackers? Thirdly (and this one goes out to all you readers in the Tustin area who may happen to shop at Whole Foods), how does an open box of crackers get re-stocked on the shelves as new?! Kind of makes you not want to order from the deli there any more, doesn't it? Yuck! In the spirit of the Holidays, though, this true tale has a happy ending. The confused Senior received her life savings back, though no reward or even thank you was left for the Rogoffs. Debra Rogoff returned to the Whole Foods store a couple of weeks later, and they were nice enough to give her a box of Annie's to make up for the one she lost. There is still no mention of how used food items can re-appear on shelves of a "health food store". Use your imagination. It's more fun that way...

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Santa clause - the fine print

No, there's nothing in your mortgage saying you have to dress up as St. Nick or anything, I'm just in a jolly spirit, recovering from my sinus infection and my Doctor's Indiana-Jones-style nasal exploits. Rumor has it he found relics of the Ottoman Empire in there, but he wouldn't tell me for sure. Anyway, between a week of healing, antibiotics and happy pills, The Cap'n is ready to set a stocking out by the smokestack tonight, to see what Holiday finery will magically appear. In the mean time, we'll take a Holiday break from travel talk, and just get down to the stuff I love even more, insane (but true) comedy....

According to the New York Times, people in Serbia have had a hard time identifying with anyone local, or even regional or vicinital (LOOK! I made up a word!) as a person they'd most like to emulate. One Serbian artist, who has helped raise money for statues of beloved figures in Serbia, was quoted as saying, "My generation can't find role models in Serbia, so we have to look elsewhere." Indeed they have! In the village of Banatski Sokolac, artists created a giant statue of Jamaican reggae musician Bob Marley. In Serbia. If you think that's a bit weird, they have also (bafflingly) constructed large, reverential public statues to other great world leaders, spiritual icons, and famous people including the following:

> Tarzan

> Rocky Balboa

> Martial-arts actor Bruce Lee

In Serbia. Yep. There was another iconic figure set to be cast into permanent Serbian lore as well, but funding fell through and the project was abandoned. Based on the above list, could it get any stranger? Oh yeah....although she has absolutely no connection to Serbia whatsoever, the original project was to enshrine in stone the image of British pop singer Samantha Fox. I guess they felt they needed a blonde to round out the field.

You know how sometimes you listen to a song, and it seems to go on forever? Not just in church, or American Idol auditions, but other places as well! The Guiness Book of World Records recently added an act to its list. Same one listed a long time ago, but they felt it was worthy of further recognition, given the length of crooning. In Mumbai, India the streak for longest continuous chanting is listed for a second time, as being "still active", according to the Indo-Asian News Service. Clerics at the Shri Bala Hunaman temple started intoning Shri Ram Jay Ram Jay Jay Ram on Aug. 1, 1964. They've never stopped, more than 23 million minutes later. I'm thinking 5 minutes of New York, New York or Ozzy Osbourne's Flying High Again would give them a much-needed break, and re-energize them for the next 45+ years. But maybe that's just me. The likelihood is that Shri Ram Jay Ram Jay Jay Ram will never replace
99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall, Row-Row-Row Your Boat, or I'm Hen-ery The Eighth I Am in the USA as a favorite long-car-trip-sing-along. Second verse, same as the first!

Here's one for the "Judge not, lest ye be judged" column. A man named Eduardo Arrocha had previously worked 15 years under the stage name EAK THE GEEK, The Pain-Proof Man, at New York's Coney Island Sideshow. His daily routine included such highlights as laying on a bed of nails, walking on shards of glass, eating lightbulbs, and putting his tongue into a mousetrap, then snapping it shut. Boy. Some people have cake jobs, don't they? Anyway, Mr. Arrocha had second thoughts on a recent Career Day, and in 2007 he decided to switch to something much more dangerous. What some might even call death-defying. He decided to become a lawyer. The former EAK enrolled at Thomas M. Cooley Law School in Lansing, Michigan, where he is currently in his second year. He describes it as "from one freak show to another - it's the most bizarre thing I've ever done in my life!" Good for you, Eduardo, and I wish you much success in tending the Bar. Job interviews could be a bit of a challenge though. A nice $4000 Bottega Veneta three-piece suit will surely cover his chest-to-toe tattoos. Recruiters could be somewhat put off, though, by the stars, moons and planets that cover his face. "Your Honor - does my client look guilty to you? Especially standing next to ME???"

HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS. Nice thought, isn't it? Yesterday, police in South Salt Lake, Utah arrested a 25-year old man, who told them that's all he was trying to do: Go home to Seattle, to see his aging Mother. Unfortunately, the man didn't have money for a plane, train or bus ticket. He also didn't have a vehicle, so he decided to "borrow" something that would look nice and impressive when he pulled up to Mom's house. Lexus, you say? Nope. Jaguar? Think a tad bigger. Super-Hummer! Well, you're getting warmer. South Salt Lake Detective Gary Keller says local firefighters were on an emergency medical call, tending to a victim, when suddenly they heard the firetruck's airhorn blowing for no apparent reason. A couple of firefighters ran around to the cab of the truck, only to find "our hero" trying to hijack a half-million-dollar firetruck. Rescue workers and firefighters were able to subdue the wayward son, until police arrived. Baby's Mama will have to wait until after Christmas to see her boy, as he's set to be arraigned Friday on grand theft larceny charges, among others. Maybe they're serving goose and figgy pudding in the slammer tomorrow.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

'Twas 4 days before Christmas

And all through the North, not a creature was stirring, not Wayne, not Garth. The winter had covered half the Nation in snow, making travelers STOP instead of being able to Go. Airports were closed, many flights had been grounded, as restless kids screamed, cried, kicked and pounded. The 2 hour trip to Grandma's seems slow. In fact, I think it started a lifetime ago. This is the time, that one time of year, when families visit with presents and cheer. But winter had other plans: a walloping punch, that took all the fun away like losing your lunch. For anyone out there who actually made it, the memories of hassles have waned and faded. To be with your loved ones in late December, is something you'll cherish and always remember.

If you never quite got there and are stuck in a terminal, I hope you have patience and some good anti-germ-inal. Eventually the storms will blow themselves out, and you'll get to see Grandma, so no need to pout. Next time, to avoid the worst of winter's grip, think of going earlier than a December trip. It'll feel much more like the land of the living, if you stay home for Christmas, and visit Grandma for Thanksgiving!

Everyone stay safe this week, and enjoy your Holidays.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Geography 101

"Riddle me this, Batman....With the Atlantic Ocean standing in your way, how would you move Holland to Bermuda?"

The answer: propellers

After an extended absence, Holland America announced last September they will make a return to the lovely island of Bermuda in 2010. So why I am I reporting this "news" today? Because the response has been so overwhelming among their past passengers, they have just added 4 more months of service! The original plan was to have the Veendam sail from New York for a handful of cruises, starting in August of 2010. The ship will stop in both Hamilton and St. George's, scheduled for approximately 2 1/2 days in each, which is fantastic. Demand was so great, they have decided to open up a full season of Bermuda sailings, starting as early as April 2010. That means a full season of 24 departures. Why is this so important to report? Think about it. Right now, they have a ship that is scheduled to be 100% empty for April, May, June and July! You can get the maximum early-booking discounted rates right now, and even more importantly you can pick and choose the finest cabin locations, in whatever category you wish. Anyone who has ever sailed across the Atlantic knows Bermuda sailings can be a bit challenging with more waves and swells than a typical Caribbean cruise. So it's important to get that perfect cabin spot, where you know you'll have the smoothest ride possible, and the optimum vacation experience. In the entire Western Hemisphere, Bermuda is my favorite island, so I'd urge anyone interested to call us right away at (800) 835-9828, for assistance and discount pricing. This space is going to sell out quickly, so give yourself a Christmas present today!

Oh yeah. You're probably wondering about my sinus infection (sure you are!). I'm obviously not dead just yet, so that's progress. I had a nice doctor do a "procedure" yesterday, which I considered more of an "excavation" inside about half my face. Lo and behold, I'm pretty as a picture today and I have the nice doctor and a container of happy pills to thank. So quit worrying yourself about The Cap'n. It takes more than a backhoe inside my head to cause any real damage.

Doesn't money talk make you dizzy? It sure does me. This morning, a bailout of the auto industry was announced, with CNN reporting 13.4 billion, and USAToday saying 17 billion. Does anybody see a slight difference there? Like a tiny little 3.6 billion? Think about a billion. It's a THOUSAND MILLION. Seems like every night on the news we're hearing numbers that sound like an imaginative child playing Monopoly. "I'll pay a Gazillion dollars to put hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place, and as soon as you land on them, you'll owe me about a Kadillion Triplebazillion dollars!" It's come to the point where I don't think even the news services and anchormen can wrap their heads around it, really. I'm still working on my multiplication tables and trying to figure out how the smart kids are able to use a stinkin' slide rule. I use mine whenever something falls behind the dresser that I can't quite reach...

Some men like Ralph Lauren Silver. Others have a preference for Davidoff Cool Water. Whatever scent you think attracts someone to you, there is definitely a new player in the men's fragrance market. He claims to be The King. The Associated Press reports there is a new scent available on the market, a men's body spray called "Flame." What's so special about that? The product comes from Burger King, which it describes as:
"the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat." The fast food chain is marketing the product through an inter-active website, featuring romantic backdrops. If by chance you're pro-active enough to play around for a while, you may figure out how to see The King, in an awkwardly amorous setting by a fireplace. I realize it's a bit hard to fathom, but you can check it out at: http://www.firemeetsdesire.com/.

What ever happened to the days of "ours tastes better?" Amazing. Then again, it gets people talking so the old saying all advertising is good advertising must still apply.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

If I seem a little absent....

I haven't been bloggin' while there's a little problem with my noggin'. Yes, even immortal Seafarers like myself can sometimes get sinus infections, and while I'm dealing with it, the sense of humor has taken a back seat. Fear not, I'll be fine. As they say, "The only thing to fear is The Joker himself, or possibly Simon Cowell." Heck, I've lived through Iraq, Afghanistan, Iraq again, Viet Nam, another Iraq or some neighboring area that reminds me of Iraq, and at least 3 World Wars, so I'll make it through this. Anyway, keep checking back and as soon as I get back on the good foot, you'll be the first to know. Ok maybe you'll be 3rd or 4th, but you made the top half-dozen, so hold your heads high even if I can't.....

The Cap'n

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Snow White? All-Right!

Before you get to thinking I'm talking about some overcrowded, overpriced, over-the-top theme park full of screamin' kids, remember I'm a scraggly old ship's Cap'n with about as much patience as you can fit on a dime. Snow white only means one thing to me: pristine beaches that look like sugar, and plenty of salt water! So where am I talking about today? Mexico? Nope, that was yesterday although they DO have some nice sand. Antigua? Another pretty beach area, but no cigar.

How about a little closer to home? Like that big 'ol banana hanging off the East Coast of the USA, known as Florida. Most everyone thinks of Florida in this order:

1) Orlando (see above, about them kids and all)
2) Miami/South Beach (action, but not Florida's best beaches)
3) Key West (another great area, but not today's subject)

If you do the math, you'll see that's only 3 cities, which wouldn't even fill up a corner of Rhode Island....there's plenty of Florida left to talk about! Because people going South from North typically enter Florida on I-75 cutting through mid-state, or I-95 that runs all the way down the Eastern side of Florida's most populous coast, it's only the adventurous that cross Interstate 4 or Alligator Alley to see what the West Coast has to offer. When it comes to beaches in the Sunshine State, West Coast means BEST Coast for beaches. For some reason, the Eastern (Atlantic) side of the state has nice kind-of-white-kind-of-brownish sand, but the Gulf of Mexico side, which feeds from the Caribbean Sea, has significantly brighter, whiter sand and prettier water. You may not find as many luxury or world-class resorts on that side of the state simply because it IS less-populous, an insider's secret because of the geography of getting there. Like I said, everybody stays on I-75, I-95 and the Florida Turnpike, which won't get you to the Promised Land! I say don't bother getting in your car at all. You don't really want all that salt and sand messing up your car, so here's my idea for you...

We can fly you down, and arrange for a rental car to be waiting for you. We'll book you into whatever level of hotel or resort you want, and it'll all be prepaid. You'll just have the common-sense things left like meals and gasoline, but otherwise we'll do the thinkin' and you can do the drinkin'. Sound like a plan? Here are some names you may have heard, but don't really know much about: Naples & Ft. Myers. Sarasota & Longboat Key. Tampa & St. Petersburg. Pensacola & Destin. There are resort areas like Marco Island. Your choices are boundless, and if all you've ever done in the past is Central and Eastern Florida, you've missed a lot. Particularly when it comes to relaxation and gorgeous beach and water. Oh yeah. Your vacation is a whole lot simpler, too. No passports. No Customs and Immigration. Half the crowds of the East Coast beaches. Less traffic. Lower prices than in the more well-known areas. Have I got your attention yet? It's true that families with small kids may find a bit less to do on the Western side than in Orlando or Miami, but right from the start of the blog today, you can pretty much tell that's not who I'm addressing. Let us put together a stress-free package to the Best Coast for you, and I'd be willing to bet you'll go back for seconds. When I personally vacation in Florida, I never consider anything other than which Western beach I'm doing next.

A Pennsylvania chemical engineer is working on a line of fragrances aimed at those who are nostalgic for their university years. Katie Masik's Harrisburg-based company, Masik Collegiate Fragrances,has already created scents for the University of North Carolina and Penn State, and she's working on the University of Georgia, LSU and other schools. Look for them to be on the market next year, according to a Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel report Thursday. Masik said she visits the schools and speaks with students and alumni, before settling on the scent that best defines the school.“I get a lot of requests for beer smell and sweaty football players,” Masik said. From my own college days (daze), my thoughts drift back to smells like 2-day-old pizza that has a couple bites out of it, some Jovan Musk Oil, and that skinny guy with the black glasses that ran the audio-visual equipment during class, when the air conditioning was out. Pheww! Maybe Ms. Masik should work on a scent that plays the Allman Brothers' "In Memory Of Elizabeth Reed" when you unscrew the top. I'd buy me some of that!

My thanks to Bizarre News for a few little gems. These are some funny snippets from actual ads, taken from various newspapers, just in time for the Holidays:

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

The New And Improved SUPERSTORE! Unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.


Christmas sale - handmade gifts, for that hard-to-find person.

Get rid of unwanted aunts. Zap Traps will do the job in 24 hours or less!

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross included.

And a Happy Holiday to you as well!
The Cap'n

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Mexi-Go!

Over the last few months, I've heard from a number of my cruise clients, raising the same point when they get back from vacation. Invariably they had a great time, but they felt like they were being "nickeled-and-dimed" more than ever before. REALITY CHECK: With the Caribbean chock-full of ships holding 3,000+ passengers, in the midst of the worst economy since the 1930's, cruise lines are having to offer low entry-level pricing to attract business. They are still having to serve up lobster, steak and everything else cruise passengers expect, so there is a lot of pressure to generate onboard revenue (that's a nice code name for nickel-and-diming, but after all it IS a business). Today, we're seeing cruise prices as low as they've been in 20 years. When I got in the cruise business about 33 years ago, it was common for a 7-night cruise to be $1200-1500 per person. Most cruise lines were privately-owned companies. I remember when I got into the selling side in 1989, the port charges and taxes on a cruise were around $39. Today, it's not surprising to see taxes totalling $300 or more!

You're probably asking "Is that kind of increase even possible?" Not really, if the truth be told, but it's a secret way cruise lines adjust pricing, so that even we as travel agents are feeling the pinch of getting nickeled-and-dimed. As I mentioned the lines used to be privately owned, but now they're almost all publicly-owned, traded on major stock markets. I don't think it's a coincidence that as shareholders ask for more return on their investment, the cruise lines have become extremely creative with how they price cruises. Everything's legal, just "different." Let me explain how this works, and dispel some rumors and myths at the same time.

Some people don't use travel agents. Say WHAT!? They believe that somehow they pay more to go through a travel agent when booking a cruise, than to just call the cruise line themselves. That is TOTALLY UNTRUE! You don't pay us any extra fees on cruise bookings, and actually we often have group space or other volume discounts, that will save you money over booking direct, not cost you more. So how do we get paid? The way it works is cruise lines pays us a small commission behind-the-scenes, on the cruise fare. It's not economically feasible for them to have 10's of thousands of reservation agents on their payroll, especially in a down economy. So they welcome the assistance of travel agents, and as a reward for helping complete payment transactions and fill their ships, they pay us a little "thank you," once people have sailed. Notice I mentioned cruise fare. Back in the day, you might have seen a cruise fare of $1100, and port charges of $39. They realized they were paying travel agents commission on $1100, but since they pay nothing on taxes, it created a sweeping industry turnaround. Over the next few years, cruise fares have been shrinking to ridiculously-low levels, while taxes and fees have increased exponentially. We recently read reports of a 3-night NCL cruise where the agent commission was $3. That's not a misprint. Three bucks. The supposed taxes were over $200, but the part they consider commissionable was almost non-existent. You can't even create an invoice, mail it to someone and break even for $3. So trust me when I tell you, agencies are feeling your pain! You can see why passengers are getting sticker-shock, when confronted with their onboard charges, shore excursion prices, service fees, etc. during the trip.

Having said all that, cruising is still an excellent value in many parts of the world. I tell people cruising is like a box of chocolates, which means you can sample different ports or islands, to see what they're like. Maybe after you find a destination or two that you fall in love with, you can plan a vacation back there on a later trip. If you just like cruising, I understand. Me too! But it's also important in the current economy, to have a good idea what your vacation is going to cost, before you ever leave home. It's called budgeting. For that reason, even though I'm an old Sea-Dog, I send more clients to island or country destinations these days, to a relatively-new type of resort called an All-Inclusive. What the heck is an all-inclusive, anyway? Gee, it kind of sounds like a place where everything is included....

WE HAVE A WINNER, Ladies and Gentlemen!

One of the reasons cruises became so popular 25-30 years ago, besides a little TV show called Love Boat, is that many upscale resorts started doing the unthinkable to their best customers. See if this sounds familiar: they started nickel-and-diming them with exorbitant resort fees, sky-high food and drink prices, and so on. Hmmmmm. Could this be an example of life imitating art imitating life imitating, oh you know what I mean. Many resorts have now decided they can put together a complete package, including fabulous accommodations, unlimited meals, drinks, gratuities, activities (within reason), and really win back those people who abandoned them due to their greed years ago. The best way to say you're sorry is to make it back up to the person. Isn't that the way life is supposed to work?

Not all destinations offer all-inclusive packages. Case in point, the USA! We have almost none, because resorts don't get liquor duty-free, our food costs can be higher, and by the time they'd package something comparable to a Caribbean destination, the price would be through the roof. There are islands in the Caribbean that offer all-inclusive options, but not all of them. But it's not all about the islands. There is a country bordered on the East by the Caribbean Sea, on on the West by the Pacific Ocean, that has more all-inclusive options than just about anywhere you can imagine: MEXICO!

Mexico has become the king of all-inclusive destinations on both coasts. From the red-rock beauty of Cabo San Lucas, to the sleepy mountain scenery of Puerto Vallarta, to the white-sand beaches of Cancun and the Mayan Riviera, there are beach destinations all over Mexico that offer fantastic value. The upscale resorts all have water purification plants, excellent food, and before you leave your house you will know almost exactly what you'll be spending. Alcoholic beverages are included, as are soft drinks, and even the gratuities are pre-paid in your trip cost. Some Mexican cities offer choices ranging from economy to world-class resorts, and many activities are included such as non-motorized water sports, tennis, basketball, putt-putt, and much more. Certain hotels offer free golf. Others have free tours built in, such as seeing one of the 7-wonders of the world, the great pyramid at Chichen Itza. Or horseback riding. Or a sunset cruise. On and on, the variety and VALUE are unmatched by just about anywhere else in the Western Hemisphere. I didn't even mention places like Acapulco, Ixtapa, Cozumel and others. Whether you're a diver, golfer, beach bum, or just want pampering and relaxation, Mexico has it all.

Now - depending on you, the traveler, there can still be other expenses involved. If you go to a spa facility and plan to have treatments, just like any other spa those are "a la carte." For golfers, the greens fees may be included, but they may have a charge for a cart or club rental. How can you find out these things? Call us! This is what we do. Sure you can research the internet, but we can do better. We can give you active feedback from hundreds or thousands of clients that we've personally sold to the top Mexican resorts. We'll ask you questions, to find out what exactly you're looking for out of the trip, and will make recommendations based on the budget you give us. IMPORTANT NOTE: When calling us for an all-inclusive, give the agent your full, real budget. If your budget is $4000, don't tell us $2500 (keeping the extra $1500 in reserve at the back of your mind). It's an all-inclusive! You don't need to keep a huge reserve like you might on a cruise, and the difference between an artificially-low budget and what you really can spend could throw our recommendations way off. Instead of offering you a world-class experience, we may be offering you something still very good, but not in the same league. That's because we're basing our recommendations on the type of hotel and budget you give us. I can't stress to you enough how important it is to be up-front with your booking agent on how much you truly have in the budget for your trip! The difference to your vacation satisfaction can be enormous. Let's get you down to Mexico. Call us today!

Here's a big OOPS! When George W. Bush was elected 8 years ago, a web developing company copyrighted the domain name http://www.georgewbushlibrary.com/. They maintained it year after year for a $10 re-registration fee, and were planning to do so forever, as the official website of W's library. Well, somebody was asleep at the switch, and they accidentally let it expire. When they went back in to re-register, a Raleigh North Carolina based Karate school had bought it. Illuminiti Karate purchased the name for $10, and when web developer Yuma Solutions asked for it back, they said SURE. No problem. It's absolutely for sale. Our price? $35,000. Mark Mills, owner of Yuma Solutions, did not immediately return calls seeking comment Thursday. The Tallahassee, Florida-based company has a history with the Bush family, hosting Web sites for Bush's 2000 campaign and for Florida Gov. Jeb Bush's 1998 and 2002 campaigns. Unfortunately for Yuma, they were left in the awkward position of having to buy the domain name back, and paying the $35,000. Whatcha going to do? Argue with a red-belt karate Grand Master?

For you Christmas fans who prefer a "live" Nativity scene, as opposed to plastic animals and plastic baby Jesus, the price of poker is going up this year. One example is in Wisconsin, where the cost of renting live camels has gone through the manger roof! People who had rented camels in the past are replacing them with much cheaper options, such as donkeys and sheep. It may cost $2,100 to rent three camels on ChristmasEve , where you can get a half dozen of the other little farm critters for a mere $250, according to the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel. Kathy Meyer, whose family owns Jo-Don Farms in Franksville, Wisconsin told the newspaper, “We're expecting this year to be worse than normal. Some groups have replaced camels, and it has hurt us because we've kept and fed them all year, and now there is no demand.” Is it just me? With as much beautiful, fertile farmland as there is in Wisconsin, did raising camels for a 1-night yearly rental, strike anyone as a good idea? OK, maybe Micheal Jackson, but anyone else? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Terminal Happiness

The Port of Seattle is opening Terminal 91 next April, as the Alaska cruise business expands further with more USA departures. Apparently Carnival Corporation is giddy at the prospects - so much so, they've already signed a 10-year agreement. Carnival is the biggest player in Seattle, with their Holland America and Princess brands having at least 5 ships based there during the Summer, carrying over 420,000 passengers from Seattle each year. Terminal 91 will be located just north of downtown Seattle, featuring panoramic views of the city's skyline, Mt. Rainier and the Olympic Mountains. The two-story, 143,000-sq. ft. facility has two berths that are 4-football fields long, both equipped to provide shore power for ships so they can shut down their engines in port.
I'm impressed! Thinking green is great in this day and age. The 10-year agreement gives Carnival's fleet preferential rights in scheduling. Terminal 66 will remain open, so for now other line won't need to juggle their schedules.

October was a good month for airlines. Fuel costs came down, and because of reduced scheduling and fewer flights in the air, they posted an 86 percent "on time" rating. That's pretty good, when you consider there are still mechanical issues and weather issues that no one has control over. Let's see if they can keep it up for the Holidays....that may be too much of a Christmas wish, but I'm a positive kind of guy. Now if they could just give me my dang free peanuts back.

Last week sometime, I mentioned that Hawaii's tourism has taken a hit. Today, a new report is out that refers to a highly-specific, highly profitable area of tourism that has been hit even harder in Hawaii. Honeymoons. For decades, Hawaii was among THE places to go to get hitched, and some suppliers report having business virtually cut in half from last year. One local man who has been involved in the honeymoon trade for years, Pastor Penei Aller, said he's performed more baptisms than weddings. "That's never happened before," Aller was quoted as saying on USAToday.com. Like I said, Hawaii had better watch out and realize they need to stroke the tourism industry big-time. Otherwise, people will continue to flock to the much-closer-to-home spots like Mexico and The Caribbean.

Officer - Arrest that salesman! Oops, he's a cop too? In November, the Denver Police Department held its annual, and highly-profitable "seized contraband auction", where they earn money for the Department by auctioning/selling items confiscated from criminals during the previous year. This year, one of the items was a 1977 Oldsmobile Cutlass, which was bought by a 19-year-old woman for $350. Not sure if she was auditioning for MTV's Pimp My Ride or not, but there turned out to be an unexpected complication with the sale. After she made the legal purchase, then went on about her life, she was contacted by Police and informed that her "new" vehicle was actually still evidence in an active murder investigation. Police eventually confiscated the car back from her, noting the sweet ride still had bullet holes in the doors and fenders, a bloody interior and still contained scraps of blood-stained clothing. Furthermore, a second shooting victim who was in the car at the time of the murder survived, and was among the bidders at the auction. He dropped out when the price got over $300, but he later sold the winning bidder his spare key to the car for $40. The woman who purchased the car was either a Bonnie & Clyde aficionado, or had vision worse than Mr. Magoo! She received a full refund, and is rumored to be in the market for the original man-eating car from Steven King's "Christine".

The Associated Press ran an unusual story with a feel-good Holiday ending. Ms. Billie Watts, a 75-year-old Murfreesboro, Tennessee woman recently had to use the restroom in a Cracker Barrel restaurant. No, that's not the end of the story. Quit pushing me! Anyway, while she was in the stall, she noticed a tapestry bag hanging from a hook, and it appeared to be out of place and left there by someone. Mrs. Watts told The Murfreesboro Daily News Journal that she was a bit curious, so she peeked into the bag and discovered $97,000 in cash, in a bundle of neatly-stacked $1000 bills. She started looking through the bag for ID, to identify a possible owner, but there was nothing of the sort inside, except for a few anonymous photographs. Only money. She decided to take the new-found fortune home, to discuss with her husband what to do, but then decided to call Cracker Barrel back and ask if they had a "lost and found." She was told yes, but she decided to just give them her name and phone number, saying only if someone comes looking for a bag, call me. A woman called about 15 minutes later, saying she was the owner of the bag, and had no trouble identifying the pictures inside. It was obviously hers. Mrs. Watts returned the bag to the owner, whom she described as an elderly woman, but said she does not have the woman's last name or phone number. She said the woman merely told her that the money came from selling her home and her belongings, and that she was on her way to start a new life in Florida with her son. Watts said the woman offered a $1,000 reward, but she refused it. Grover Cleveland. That had to be exactly what you were thinking just now, "Whose face is on a $1000 bill, anyway?" Am I right? Am I right? You Betcha!

Full-time job: Cap'n.

Part-time job: Psychic.

Or is it Psychotic? I always get those two confused...

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Spoken Like A True Ostrich

There was some major news from some major cruise suppliers in the last 24 hours. Cunard, Princess, Oceania and Regent Seven Seas are among a half-dozen lines taking a stand against piracy in the Gulf of Aden. Their stance apparently is: Pirates? What pirates? All four major lines announced they will continue to sell (and sail) voyages through the Gulf of Aden, despite recent pirate attacks on cruise ships in the area. Certain upscale lines, such as Hapag-Lloyd have scrapped the idea until the situation improves. "We continue to believe there are adequate security measures in place to protect our vessels," says Cunard spokesperson Jackie Chase. Two Cunard ships, Queen Mary 2 and Queen Victoria, are scheduled to transit the Gulf of Aden in April as they circle the globe on world cruises. Princess spokesperson Julie Benson says, "At this point we are closely monitoring things, but have not made any changes to our program." Princess has two ships, Tahitian Princess and Royal Princess, scheduled to pass through the Gulf of Aden in April on world cruises as well. The issue is most pressing for Costa, which has a ship loaded with hundreds of vacationers scheduled to transit the area in just a few days. The Costa Classica, on her way from the Med to Dubai, is in the Red Sea today steaming Southward, and should arrive in the Gulf of Aden later this week. A spokesperson for Costa issued a statement saying the line plans to go ahead with the voyage while "carefully monitoring the situation." The statement further says the the line's ships are adequately equipped and its crews expertly trained. One major line that disagrees with the Ostrich head-in-the-sand treatment is Holland America. Their 'round-the-world voyages in 2009 and 2010 will now travel around the Southern tip of Africa, instead of the traditional route through the Suez Canal, Red Sea and Gulf of Aden. My 2 cents? GOOD FOR YOU, Holland America! Despite the rumors, there may still be signs of intelligent life in the cruise industry.

Increasingly-bold pirates have attacked 2 cruise ships in the Gulf of Aden in the past 2 weeks, as I blogged previously. No one was injured in either incident, but how many times can people get lucky? Unfortunately, ships' Captains likely have no say in the matter. It's corporate pressure to maintain a set itinerary, to avoid passenger complaints. Frankly, that's not what contestants on Family Feud would call "Good answer!" As soon as dollar signs flash in the forefront of potential passenger safety, this Cap'n gets wrankled and majorly angry. When I used to work cruise ships myself, I often told people we were able to succeed DESPITE the home office, not because of them. Let's all hope and pray the affected ships have success in this dangerous area, despite their corporate decision-making. Another industry voice, C.L.I.A. (the Cruise Lines International Association), will not discuss the issue of piracy in the region. Their silence speaks volumes, if you ask me.

When you think of airports, you normally think stress and headaches. A new article from Health Magazine says all airports are not created equal! In fact, they ranked the Top 10 healthiest airports, based on services and amenities that promote healthy living and a lack of stress. Phoenix Sky Harbor is America's healthiest airport, according to the magazine. The criteria included food, relaxation zones, walking paths, music, lighting, environmental programs and safety technology. Industry data and a panel of experts were used in compiling the list. Phoenix was cited for its "healthful" restaurants, video-paging system, two pet parks and clean bathrooms. Here are the other 9 and the amenities cited by ranking:

• Baltimore/Washington (soft music and lighting, a spa and a hiking path near the airport).

• Chicago O'Hare (healthy restaurant food, children's play areas and the fitness facility in its on-site Hilton Hotel).

• Detroit Metropolitan ("storm-ready" police officers and employees who are trained as bad-weather spotters, healthy restaurant food).

• Denver (solar energy panels, recycling of de-icing fluids, an art collection, free Wi-Fi and healthy restaurant food).

• Ronald Reagan Washington National (an art collection, a walking and biking trail).

• Dallas/Fort Worth (children's play areas, hybrid/CNG vehicles, healthy restaurant food).

• Boston Logan (environmental initiatives, CNG shuttle buses).

• Portland, Ore. (a paved bicycle and walking path, covered bicycle parking, local musicians playing in the terminals).

• Philadelphia (a health clinic, free Wi-Fi on weekends).

Hey - where's my hometown, Charlotte NC? We have rocking chairs! That's right, you can walk through the main concourse and have a seat in a nice wooden rocker to waste - I mean spend time while you're waiting on Godot. Or your flight. Oh well, I'm sure if we didn't make the Top 10 we were #11. Or at least in the Top 250, give or take. Did I mention we have rocking chairs? Oh yeah, and a NASCAR Cafe!

A Spokane woman and her mother have been convicted in federal court, on charges of sneaking a rhesus monkey into the United States from Thailand. Gypsy Lawson, 29, hid the sedated young rhesus macaque under her blouse, pretending to be pregnant when she passed through U.S. Customs in LA after a trip to Bangkok, Thailand. Her mother, Fran Ogren of Northport, Washington also went on the trip, and was named a co-conspirator. The two women were found guilty Monday by a 12-member jury on separate charges of conspiracy and smuggling goods into the United States. The monkey is now at a primate rescue facility in Oregon. Can't you just hear it? "That's a real nice prehensile tail on your baby there, Ma'am..."

How far would you go, if you thought you were in the right? A retired New York City man says he has spent $7,500 fighting a $115 parking ticket because he's got "nothing else to do." Former electrical hardware firm vice president Simon Belsky says he was erroneously ticketed two years ago. The 63-year-old says the ticket cites his van for blocking a Brooklyn fire hydrant, even though the only hydrant on the street was halfway down the block. The November 2006 fine has ballooned from $115 to about $200 with penalties. Belsky was in court last week and is due back Feb. 2. He says if he wins, he'll file a civil suit against the city to recover the $7,500 he's spent on legal work. He says if any compensation is awarded he'll donate it to educational programs. I don't know about you, but I like this guy!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Frozen Daiquiris - Extreme Edition

Most of the time, unless you read travel blogs or watch the Travel Channel, the world spins around and people take cruises, virtually unnoticed. Invariably, the only time you hear news reports about cruising is when something BAD happens. Then again, that's what 99 percent of all news is these days, so it shouldn't surprise anyone. Well, today the poor media had to actually report something good. Their in-exuberance was tempered by the fact that the GOOD has to do with the BAD.

A couple of days ago it was a reported that a "cruise ship" was stranded off the coast of South America near Antarctica, after running aground and taking on water in a fierce storm, which also punctured two diesel fuel tanks. Anyone who saw that report immediately pictures in their mind's eye some great big, beautiful ship from Princess, Royal Caribbean, etc. Well, not so much. The ship is the Panamanian-flagged, Argentinian owned Ushuaia, now operated by Antarpply Expeditions. What? You never heard of them? Or of that ship? Don't feel badly...that makes you a member of a VERY large club. The Ushuaia is a cruise ship in the loosest sense, compared to what most Americans have experienced. Very small (only 88 passengers and 34 crew), and old (she would have been 39 years old this year) the MV Ushuaia used to be a research vessel for the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. Whether or not they serve frozen daiquiris, I can't truthfully say. But suffice it to say she's not your normal cruise ship. Many adventurous people opt for the up-close-and-personal experience of this type of ship, but when doing that you face potential issues, based on most of those expedition-style ships being substantially older vessels. Unfortunately, the ship is leaking oil and the thought of sludge-covered penguins is NOT what the tourism people want to see. Nor any of us, for that matter.

Oh yeah, I mentioned there was good news: All 122 people aboard the ship have been evacuated, and are in perfect health, according to the Chilean navy Friday. 2 helicopters and 2 Chilean navy ships were dispatched to the scene, though the Ushuaia was never in danger of sinking, a spokesman said. Passengers were transferred to the Achilles, the first ship to arrive, which carried them toward the Chilean base Eduardo Frei. The not-so-happy campers on board included 14 Danes, 12 Americans, 11 Australians, 9 Germans, 7 Argentines, 7 British, 6 Chinese, 6 Spaniards, 5 Swiss, 3 Italians, 2 French, 2 Canadians, 2 Irish, 1 Belgian, and 1 New Zealander. It cannot be confirmed that there were 5 golden rings, or a partridge in a pear tree still on board. The crew of the Lautaro, the second ship to reach the crippled Ushuaia, was working to stem the fuel leak, again according to Chilean navy sources.

Don't misunderstand, I think there is definitely a market for exotic, destination-type cruising, and sometimes the only way to experience the full adventure is on a smaller vessel. I've just become less and less attached to the notion of "historic" ships (another kind word for old). Even if they can all pass their SOLAS, Safety Of Life At Sea inspections, the risk factor increases the longer ships stay in service. Period. Don't write me letters about outstanding maintenance and such, there comes a time when technology trumps history. Anyone who calls me about this sort of trip will get the full story - pluses and minuses before they book anything. There are lots of salesmen who will do anything to get your credit card and complete a sale. Not me. The most important thing for me is not selling you a trip. It's selling you the right trip, so not only will I have your business over and over, but you'll tell your friends to call me too. That's what it's all about in a service industry.

Hearing about the fierce storm, and other acts of God, brought me to another story. Police say Michael E. Schwab of San Antonio, Texas claimed that while he was driving on U.S. Highway 281 recently, God told him to run a woman off the road because she "wasn't driving right" and "needed to be taken off the road." He slammed into her car at over 100 miles per hour, spinning both vehicles into the median."God must have been with them, 'cause any other time, the severity of this crash, it would have been a fatal," said Kyle Coleman, a spokesman for the Bexar County sheriff's department. Police say Schwab was not drunk, and they found no drugs inside his car. He is expected to undergo a psychiatric evaluation. Thankfully, neither individual suffered serious injuries.

God has faced scrutiny in the past, including a recent lawsuit that was thrown out of court in Nebraska. A judge dismissed a lawsuit in October that was filed against The Higher Power. That's right, somebody tried to sue God (forgetting that old "whatever comes around, goes around" thing). In 2007, Nebraska state Senator Ernie Chambers, who represents legislative District 11 in North Omaha, filed the lawsuit alleging God was responsible for "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants." NOTE TO DISTRICT 11 RESIDENTS: Eh, this is the best you can do at finding somebody to represent you in the State Senate? If there were no superior applicants, how about next time just mailing in a brief statement, indicating you'd like to secede from the Union or something. As you might suspect, God was not available for immediate comment, but He has some interesting ways of using fire and brimstone, which Senator Chambers may discuss with Him at a later date....

Oh The Singing Outside Is Frightful....

Ever had Christmas Carollers who were so out of tune they made the experience a cringe-fest? Welcome to George Bush International Airport in Houston. Houston's airport is setting up karaoke booths for travelers, just in time for the holidays. One is already up and running. For the past two years, officials have invited choirs and bands from high schools and churches to perform at Bush and Hobby airports during the month of December, to help alleviate passenger anxiety and give them something to do while waiting for their flight (other than crossword puzzles and annoyingly talking on their cell phones). Karaoke seemed the next logical step, according to Caroline Schneider, the assistant airport manager for customer service.
"During the Holidays, we have a lot of novice travelers," she said. "We thought while they are waiting, it would be nice if they could just sing a song." Aspiring vocalists can choose from hundreds of song titles, and small prizes will be given to the singers. Let's get something straight here, most Karaoke singers sound like the American Idol out-take auditions. That sure doesn't sound like the way I want to spend my 2 pre-flight hours! If anything, a few boos mixed in to a bad singer's repertoire will not only make for a bad day, it could lead to fisticuffs or other disruption. Thanks, but I'll stick with my crossword puzzles and I-Pod.

Speaking of flights, the numbers are in for the past couple of months, and Las Vegas has taken quite a hit, with incoming travelers down nearly 13 percent compared to same-month figures in 2007. While this trend is going on, there can be some incredible bargains for anyone still willing to roll the dice (pun intended). Once the New Year hits there are lots of conventions scheduled, but anyone available for a last hurrah in 2008 should call me for a deal. NOTE: If you're even considering going out for the Super Bowl, you may already be too late for any bargains. The airlines have scaled back the number of daily flights, and many flights are at capacity or close, so there's not a moment to lose if you'd still like to make that trip.

It didn't make headlines in America this week because it wasn't Americans involved (we're like that, you know). But there was a 2nd attempt by pirates on a cruise ship in the Gulf of Aden. This time, it was a German cruise ship but the attackers were chased off by a German naval vessel. I doubt it was a coincidence that the cruise liner had an "escort" in that area of the world, and it sounds like it was a good thing they were around. I can tell you from thousands of conversations with clients, cruise customers are always looking for something a little different. New ports of call. Interesting itineraries. And for that reason, the cruise lines have created some of these more exotic passage sailings. Unfortunately, to get from point A to point B in some areas of the globe, you have to come a bit too close for comfort to these hot zones. Last week, I had a customer call me who is booked on a 7-night Caribbean sailing from Miami, going to Puerto Rico and the US Virgin Islands, but she said "my friend told me cruise ships are being attacked by pirates." Yes halfway across the world, but there's not much chance you're going to run into Johnny Depp or his cut-throat crew in St. Thomas. The Caribbean has been safe from pirates, other than drug smugglers, for 150 years or more. Particularly when it comes to passenger vessels. My gut feeling is the cruise lines are going to have to alter some of these exotic itineraries, to remove themselves from harm's way. I'll keep you posted whenever that happens. In the mean time, don't lose sleep over your vacation cruise to Cozumel and Jamaica.
The worst pirating you'll see is the drink prices on board.

SOUP FOR YOU! Sounds like a take-off on a Seinfeld episode, eh? That's Seinfeld the show, filmed in New York. Well, check this out....with the economy flagging, a Manhattan fashion boutique has started offering free soup to entice customers. The temporary fashion boutique, calling itself "The 1929" is selling chic designer clothing, and giving away soup and coffee to prospective buyers. The store is located in one of the trendiest shopping areas, the Soho District of New York City. Manager and co-owner Aaron Genuth says the store was inspired by the Great Depression. His partner Levi Okunov says they want people to go to the store, have a bowl of soup and try on some clothing.The store sells the work of independent designers on its ground floor. The basement is an art and performance space, where the free nourishment is doled out. The store is expected to remain open through next month. My guess is there's got to be a sign somewhere, "If you spill cream of broccoli on it, you bought it!"

You may have heard this one on the news earlier in the week, but if not it bears repeating. 21 years ago, Joe Richardson from central Texas lost his brand-new, blue-stone class ring. The one Mom and Dad bought him the year he graduated, and even had it engraved with his name inside. This week the ring turned up, but not under the dresser. Not in an old pair of Converse All-Stars. Not even in a pocket of an old duffel bag. Nope, it showed up inside an 8-pound bass caught on Lake Sam Rayburn, about 100 miles Northeast of Houston. A fisherman discovered the tarnished ring inside his catch, and after seeing the engraved name contacted Richardson on Nov. 28, after tracking him down with help from the Internet. The fisherman asked to remain anonymous. Richardson, 41, said he lost the ring about two weeks after his 1987 graduation from Universal Technical Institute in Houston. His parents had paid around $200 for the ring back then, and were none too pleased when it went missing. Asked if he's going to wear it now, Richardson said "no, it would take some pretty hefty cleaning, and I'm not cleaning it." Nice to know gifts from Mom and Dad still mean so much....I'm gettin' a little misty-eyed.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I Want A New Drug

Thank you, Huey Lewis, and frequent fliers may agree. Have you ever experienced "jet lag" symptoms? It's not pretty, and some people deal with it much worse than others. Help may be on the way, though, in the form of a new drug that has shown early success in resetting the body's natural sleep rhythms. In two clinical trials, the drug tasimelteon helped volunteers whose sleep pattern had been delayed to fall asleep faster, and sleep longer. The drug mimics the effects of melatonin, which is a naturally-occurring hormone in humans that regulates the natural human clock, known as the circadian rhythm (not to be confused with a cicadian rhythm, which would be noisy insects having a party) . When the circadian rhythm is disrupted, such as by traveling across time zones, the most common symptoms are insomnia when trying to sleep and excessive sleepiness while trying to remain awake. It turns your body clock into a photographic negative of itself. Melatonin improves the quality of sleep and dulls the awakening signal in the body clock.

The studies on tasimelteon were undertaken by researchers from Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston, and Monash University in Australia. They conducted two trials with 450 volunteers whose sleep patterns had been disturbed by keeping them awake for five hours longer - usually the time difference between New York and London. In both studies, tasimelteon proved to have a positive regulating effrect. The drug could be an alternative to addictive sleep therapies such as benzodiazepines. Melatonin-like drugs only exert a modest sleep-promoting effect, by comparison. If approved, the drug could be on the market within three years.

In the meantime, experts say there are natural ways travelers can combat the effects of jet lag. Here are some to keep in mind before you travel:

>Avoid late meals and alcohol (they're killin' me already)

>Take cat-naps whenever possible (that's a can-do)

>Eat meals on a schedule appropriate for your destination, to prepare your body for time change (I eat ALL the darn time)

>Get a good night's sleep before traveling (Yeah, right)

>Go for daytime walks and get plenty of sunlight (huh?)

>A break/connecting flight on long-hauls can help, though most people want nonstops (I say just GET me there yesterday!)

>Noise-canceling headphones block out cabin noise, and help you sleep (I can vouch for that, plus they ROCK!)

There's a report on USAToday.com about tourism in the Dominican Republic. If you're not sure where that is, it's half of the large island just East of Cuba. Part of the island is Haiti, and the other half the Dominican Republic. Over the last few years, the beautiful beaches of the Dominican Republic (or D.R. as it's known) have made for a super-boom in construction of upscale resorts, most notably in the Punta Cana area. Americans have enjoyed the D.R., and it also brings a flock of Europeans as an easy entryway to The Caribbean. However, in the last year or so, tourism numbers are drastically off. The total number of visitors just between July and October of this year fell by 1.1 million people! That was a drop of 5.6%, but October and November were even worse at 10% dropoff. For people still wanting to travel on a reasonable budget, that spells OPPORTUNITY! There is availability at hotels, and they have promotional rates which can make this an affordable time to experience a luxury resort on the Southeast coast of the D.R. Check with us for rates, and we'll get you booked.

The Nevada Highway Patrol says a drunken driving suspect in Reno was gassed in more ways than one. A 40-year-old Reno woman was arrested early Tuesday after an ambulance crew saw her driving erratically on U.S. Highway 395. Patrol spokesman Chuck Allen said the crew tried to signal the woman after they spotted her green Subaru wagon crossing the center line about 4:30 a.m. but couldn't get her attention. Patrolman Allen said the crew eventually initiated a traffic stop and radioed for state troopers. Upon their arrival, the woman failed a sobriety test and was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence. Initially, it was not her driving that caught the Highway Patrol's attention. Although she was weaving, it was very slight and may not have caused enough of a ripple to draw attention. No, what caught their eye was the fact she was driving down the highway with a fuel nozzle sticking out of her gas tank, trailing approximately 6 feet of fuel hose. Authorities still have been unable to locate the affected gas station, but they are hoping the driver can give them more details when she sobers up.

Attention Casino Owners! You pay your Pit Bosses and Dealers quite well. The waitresses make fabulous tips. NOTE TO SELF: Please increase payroll allowance for proofreaders. That's what I said, proofreaders - particularly those in your Marketing Department. The Hollywood Casino at Penn National Race Course in Pennsylvania wanted to do something nice for the Holidays, for its top 1,000 customers. They wanted to send them free slot-machine credits. However, instead of the top 1,000, the promotion was accidentally sent to 55,000 people on their mailing list. If everyone claims the reward, the casino could be on the hook for a boatload of money. Hollywood Casino executives decided Monday to partially honor the offer, after frantically calling tens of thousands of customers over the weekend. The mistake was first reported by WGAL-TV, which said some customers had begun trying to take advantage of the offer that went into effect Monday. The reward program was for $100 in slots credits per week from Dec. 1 through Jan. 4, plus two free visits to the buffet at the casino in Grantville, PA. If all 55,000 customers were allowed to redeem $100 credits for five straight weeks, plus two $14 buffet visits, it would cost the casino more than $29 million dollars. In a bid to cut its loss, a casino spokesman said the casino is offering $100 in credits per customer and two buffet passes, if they are redeemed by Christmas. "Rather than say 'Sorry, it was an error,' we've said 'Sorry, let's try to come up with a reasonable redemption plan.' " He said he did not know what might happen if a customer were to insist on the terms of the mailing. The Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board has weighed in, saying it has referred the matter to investigators, to determine whether there were any regulatory violations.

I can already hear those buffet customers..."Waddya MEAN you're out of fresh shrimp?!"

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

What's the Hubbub, Bub?

St. Louis has a new Transportation Center. Why is that important to you? It may not be, but in the grand scheme of city planning, it may be coming to a hometown near you sooner, rather than later. It employs something you really don't see much of in government planning these days. Common sense. St. Louis just opened its new $28 million dollar transportation "hub", Gateway Transportation Center, which consists of a place where you can catch Amtrak trains, local commuter light rail, city bus service and Greyhound. This project had been in the works for 20 years (now THAT sounds like government in action....or should I say inaction). Basically, it's a one-stop-shop for getting around on publicly available transport, for St. Louis and beyond. The new hub is one block south of Scottrade Center in downtown St. Louis, and features 24-hour services, security, and even a food court area. In the past, I've had customers from the Charlotte area want to take a cruise, but they couldn't afford to fly to Florida so they investigated Amtrak. Don't get me wrong, Charlotte's a nice city but when it comes to certain forms of transportation you hit the "you can't get there from here" syndrome. To get to Miami, you'd have to take a train to Washington DC, overnight, pick up another heading to Miami, and once you arrive you're still a long and expensive taxi ride to and from the ship. That's an example of how badly our interconnecting transportation services can be. But folks in St. Louis are waking up to a new day, and if it goes as well as intended, this could be a blueprint for your community down the road.

Winter has started blowing its icy breath around the country, which gives way to meanings other than "we're deep into the NFL season". A couple weeks ago I mentioned skiing in the powder out West. Particularly Utah and Colorado. But some folks think that's just too boring...they want more nightlife and entertainment options than are offered in smaller ski resorts (not too many show-biz personalities hanging out in Salt Lake City, to entertain you nightly). Well ladies and germs, I have the answer. Nevada. I mean California. I mean Nevadafornia. Don't be confused - such a place actually exists. It's one of the prettiest areas in the USA, right on the California/Nevada border, the cities of Reno and Lake Tahoe. People think of Lake Tahoe for fabulous clear water and Summer sports, but Winter is equally as active with buses running right up to the slopes from downtown. Ski awhile, then hit one of the many casinos, then catch a rising comedy star at Catch A Rising Star, or The Improv. As for Headliners, it may not quite be Vegas but it's still top shelf. Joan Rivers, Frank Caliendo, Wanda Sykes, Bob Newhart, Don Rickles and more lead the traditional comedy-style shows. Smokey Robinson, The Temptations, The Four Tops, and Little Anthony and the Imperials will take you back to 60's Motown. If you're more rock 'n roll like this here sailor, look for Foghat, Kiss, Styx, The Pretenders, Motley Crue and The Tubes. And that's just some of the acts set to appear between now and January! So there's plenty of action, plenty of great skiing and sightseeing options, and it might be the cure for those Wintertime blues. Call us today for pricing and availability.

Another thing winter brings is deer hunting season, but in Missouri you'd better bring your gun, some grenades and maybe a bazooka or two. On Nov. 19th, Randy Goodman, age 49, came across a large buck in the woods, and fired two well-placed shots with his .270-caliber rifle. The deer fell to the ground, and thinking the deer looked dead he approached him. Seconds later, the nine-point, 240-pound animal jumped up, knocked Goodman down and attacked him with his antlers in what the veteran hunter called "15 seconds of chaos." The deer then ran a short distance, fell down and died. Soon, Goodman started feeling dizzy and noticed his vest was bloody, so he drove to a hospital, where he received seven staples in his scalp and was treated for a slight concussion and bruises. Aretha Franklin sang R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Maybe Mr. Goodman needed a bit more of that, before the deer got his sweet R-E-V-E-N-G-E.

A Wisconsin radio station had to make an offer that couldn't be refused, in order to get 2 contestants to quit a game to win a new car. Tommy Kempfer, 26, of Sun Prairie, and Lisa Thompson, 40, of Westfield, had been living in a truck, hoping to outlast the other in an effort to win a new $30,000 vehicle from WMAD-FM in Madison. Some contestants dropped out after a few hours of confinement. However, after 55 days, the station became concerned that neither Mr. Kempfer or Ms. Thompson were going to budge. "We sensed these two were not going to back down," said John Flint, a co-host on the station's morning show. "There was no way we expected this to go on like it has. If it was not for the deal, it's possible they could have gone on until New Year's or longer." Last Tuesday, the station offered them a compromise: End the contest and receive $10,000 toward the purchase of a car, and receive a handful of small prizes, or continue indefinitely with the runner-up receiving nothing. Within 15 minutes, both agreed to the deal. Ms. Thompson called the contest a very good experience, but said she wouldn't do it again. There is no way to substantiate a rumored, newly-found romantic involvement between the two, though a scratch pad was found inside the vehicle afterward, with scribbled wedding vows that read:
"With this tire iron, I thee wed...."

Monday, December 1, 2008

Well Excuuuuuuuse Me!

I'm back on the bridge, Sailors. This morning, I showed up at the Federal Courthouse and got myself prepared for jury duty. Turns out, it was a civil case involving a contract between a consulting firm and a software provider. By coincidence, I happen to be a shareholder in the software company that was involved, and the next thing I knew they had selected a jury of peers without my old carcass on the panel. Excused! Duty served, and I'm grateful because I had a lot of work piled up that I didn't want to leave for my shipmates to have to cover. The funny part for me was after getting out of the courthouse and coming in to work, I was walking across the parking lot when in between cars stepped a harbinger of bad news. At least, that's what legend says. There I was strolling up to the gangway, and a black cat jumped right out in front of my path, and looked me straight in the eye. I just smiled and said "Yer too late, little fella. They've already let me go!" And so it was that I now have time to share the rest of the day with you.

On the news front, everyone is aware of the tragedy in Mumbai (formerly Bombay) over the weekend. Today, the US State Department officially listed a warning for Americans, against traveling to India until further notice. Kind of goes without saying, but they said it and now I'm reporting it. Also in the news, the "Nautica" from Oceania Cruises was sailing in the Gulf of Aden earlier today, and came under attack by pirates, most likely from Somalia. The Captain noticed 2 small skiffs approaching, and immediately powered up to maximum speed and took evasive maneuvers. One of the small vessels made it within 300 yards, and Nautica took on approximately 8 rifle shots, before outrunning the pirates. I know cruise lines hate altering their itineraries, but right now I don't think anybody should be anywhere near Somalia without armed protection. Yes, they outran 'em today. And they might tomorrow. But these guys have become so brazen, if you give them enough opportunity to do damage, somebody will get lucky (or unlucky, when it comes to passengers), and you'll have a full-blown International incident unlike anything we've ever seen before. I think eventually the world community will get together and take some kind of decisive action...maybe setting up traps with armed vessels, to either take these guys down or blow them out of the water. Obviously the Somali government either can't or won't do anything about this. For the moment, my tug is going to stay about half a planet away from them, and the only pirate I'll see will be Johnny Depp on the big screen.

Well, the news from Black Friday weekend shocked all the experts. Bad economy, but somehow sales were up more than 7 percent over last year. Sounds good, doesn't it? Yeah, the geniuses on Wall Street felt so good about it they crashed 680 points off the Stock Market today. Is it just me, or don't you feel like there are some chumps up there just playing with our lives? And our livelihoods? It just about makes me wanna bump some heads together, I'll tell you. Good news breeds bad, bad news breeds good. Mates, I consider myself a not-completely-ignorant Cap'n, but when it comes to the way these eggs are treating us and our money, I flat out don't get it. You can't even vote 'em out, either. They're just in there rooting around to see how much trouble they can stick us in. When they hit the Pearly Gates, I hope there's a special heated room for them to reflect on for, oh, say, eternity....

You know what those guys remind me of? Merle Sorensen. Yep. Merle for sure. You don't know him? Well, Mr. Sorenson is from Quincy, Washington, and in October he had to be rescued from the Columbia River. He had nearly drowned after driving his Humvee off of a boat launch. He told rescuers that he was trying to clean his tires in the river, and wanted to see how far he could drive the vehicle into the water, before he was unable to back out. Guess what, Merle...you found out. That's about what those Wall Street dingbats are doing, seeing how far they can drive us in the river. Makes me wanna spit.

Here's a California classic. Facing a State budget crisis in July, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger fired 10,000 temporary and part-time workers, and ordered the 200,000 permanent employees to be paid the minimum wage of $6.55 an hour. That was to last until the legislature passed a crisis-solving budget. A bit extreme, maybe, but it got worse for the "Governator." One week later, State Controller John Chiang pointed out that state payroll records could not be changed to accommodate the cut, because they were written in the antiquated COBOL computer language. None of the full-time State computer wizards knew how to operate the system, to fix it so the government could continue operation. Who did know the system, you ask? The only people who knew the code were some of the part-time workers, who Gov. Schwarzenegger had just fired. Yikes (I mean "I'll Be Back").

OK, one last note from your Gub'mint in action. This time it's the United States Patent Office, who recently approved a product design that had been submitted back in 2007. Apparently a Plainfield, Illinois company has patented a bra, whose cups could function as an air filtration system, in case of chemical attack. And someone felt that idea warranted an official government sanction. Although I'm tempted to give them an F, I'll give those cups a D.