Central America has a long history of political comings-and-goings, and not everything goes by the book. This week was witness to another such incident, when military leaders in Honduras decided they had seen enough of President Manuel Zelaya, unceremoniously whisking him away to Costa Rica, with a hearty "Don't let the banana leaves hit you on the backside on your way out." According to our own Chief Executive, Prez-O, Mr. Zelaya is "still the President of Honduras" in the eyes of the United States. Then again, we're here and they're there and never the twain shall meet. So nobody currently knows what the ramifications will be. One set of Americans is squarely in the cross-hairs, though: passengers on board certain cruise ships. Numerous ships make a call at Roatan, which is in the Bay Islands off the Caribbean coast of Honduras, but technically it's still Honduran territory. Even though it's only accessible by ferry, there's nothing to say troops will or won't come across the waters to Roatan, and that's making cruise lines a bit nervous. At least for now, Carnival has asserted it will continue its calls there, uninterrupted. That's good news for passengers who had recently read about or experienced port disruption in Mexico, due to piggie-flu. Roatan is a divers' paradise, home to the largest barrier reef in the Caribbean, which makes it a great stop for water-and-beach-hungry tourists. Not so much for khaki-clad, weapons-toting military units looking to capture a handful of tiki huts. After all, it's not a war as such, it's a political coup trying to establish a new Honcho or Honchette or group of Honchorinos at the top. In my opinion, the only way the military gets involved in Roatan is if the US speaks too loudly, and the military gets a wild hair and decides to make things uncomfortable for everyone concerned. Let's just hope it remains a snorkel and dive haven, with no political backdraft.
Speaking of new Monarchs, the newest namesake from Cunard, Queen Elizabeth, will be doing a 103-day cruise around the World in 2011. Ports for the circumnavigation, announced earlier this week, include LA, Sydney, Singapore, Hong Kong, Dubai, and some other countries along the route include Vietnam, Thailand, Malaysia, India, Egypt, Greece and Italy, to name a few. Fares start at the bargain-basement price of around $20,000 per person for the most modest cabins, working upwards from there. Don't be fooled into thinking they'll have to give this away, even in a weak economy. Cunard has some of the most loyal followers, and World cruises tend to sell out many months (or more) in advance. This ship will be more like the Queen Mary than the older QE2, so demand will be high right from the get-go. Mann Travels will have special amenities on the sailing through the American Express network, as well as early-booking discounts and savings. So feel free to contact me about this rare travel opportunity.
G'Morning Mr. Hatfield. You too, Mr. McCoy.
Sometimes there is no explaining bad blood between families. Or neighbors. Family Feuds still exist, and I don't mean the TV game show. In fact, one happened recently in our North Carolina back yard. According to Time Warner Newschannel 14 in Charlotte, two families from nearby King's Creek (outside Lenoir, NC) just did a "full circle" family feud:
Family A's dog killed Family B's cat.
Family B's patriarch, the cat's owner, killed Family A's dog.
Family A's patriarch, the dog's owner, shot and wounded Family B's patriarch and his daughter.
Police were called on Family A's patriarch.
Family A's patriarch shot the 2 responding Deputies
One Deputy returned fire, killing Family A's patriarch.
Circle complete. Sort of.
"Can't we all just get along????"
Many of my loyal readers write me with questions, most often things like "Who told you you could write?" or "What kind of nonsense is this" or "What's that in the road - a head?" or "What have you got on - your mind?" Well, if you think I suck at readin', writin', 'rithmetic' and bloggin', I have only one thing to say to you: CONTACT SAN JOSE STATE UNIVERSITY, and give them a big piece of my blog to sniff and whiff. San Jose State U. runs the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, looking for the worst writer in all the Land. Past champions include....uh...well, nobody you ever heard of unless you follow Bulwer-Lytton annual events. The man the contest was named after, Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton, produced some awful prose back in 1830, when his novel Paul Clifford started with those infamous words, "It was a dark and stormy night..." This year's winner is 55-year-old David McKenzie from Washington, and I have to tell you there's a soft spot in The Cap'n's jib for this man. He dedicated his story to an old seafarer, kind of like me. Here's a quick excerpt:
"Folks say that if you listen real close at the height of the full moon, when the wind is blowin' off Nantucket Sound from the nor' east and the dogs are howlin' for no earthly reason, you can hear the awful screams of the crew of the "Ellie May," a sturdy whaler Captained by John McTavish; for it was on just such a night when the rum was flowin' and, Davey Jones be damned, big John brought his men on deck for the first of several screaming contests."
Dang...this guy's good. I know what you're asking yourselves. This guy's so talented, I wonder if there are other geniuses like him? Glad you asked! Mr. McKenzie won the Grand Prize, but there were other category winners, including the Detective category won by Eric Rice of Sun Prairie, Wisconsin. Here's a sample of Eric's work, and boy let me tell you, his descriptive prowess puts you RIGHT THERE in the action!
"She walked into my office on legs as long as one of those long-legged birds that you see in Florida - the pink ones, not the white ones - except that she was standing on both of them, not just one of them, like those birds, the pink ones, and she wasn't wearing pink, but I knew right away that she was trouble, which those birds usually aren't..."
For the first time in my life, I'm speechless before such royalty.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Weekend At Bernie's, times 78,000 or so...
I know you're not supposed to feel good when harm befalls someone, but in the case of Bernie Madoff, I don't consider it harm. Sounds a whole lot more like justice to me, when Judge Denny Chin sentenced Madoff to 150 years around noon today. That's just 78,000 weekends from when he enters his new home-away-from-home, but rumor has it with good behavior he could get off by his 200th birthday. Then again, the words Bernie Madoff and good behavior probably shouldn't be used in the same sentence. This guy is the poster child for 80's and 90's greed, and by ruining peoples' lives the way he did, as well as their extended families, I find myself with zero sympathy for him. None. Congratulations Judge Chin, for having the fortitude to maximize the sentence. With what America has just been through, some might call Madoff a "scapegoat", but that's not a fair representation. The truth is this man allowed people who you could characterize as his close friends, associates and acquaintances to permanently twist in the wind, just so he could have another shiny car, fancy home, or have another $100 bill to light his cigar with. He's not a scapegoat in any sense. What ye sow, so shall ye reap (give or take a ye or a shall in there). He received deplorable results from is own deplorable actions. Eye for an eye. Karma. Call it what you will, but even though it won't help his victims get through their financial hardship, they all have to have a bit of a wicked smile today. They know this lying demon is behind bars until he meets his new landlord-of-the-future, Lucifer himself. Bernie should sign up to work in the prison garden, just so he can have a few years of getting used to what a pitchfork feels like. Handle end, or business end. He's got all eternity to see and feel both.
USAToday had an interesting story about airports, and particularly the baggage carousels. Somebody had a light-bulb-moment, realizing that all that empty space luggage sits on shouldn't be blank. It should have advertisements plastered across it. We're not bombarded enough on TV, the airport walls, in-flight magazines and taxi or bus placards. The concept does make sense, I guess. Every person is standing in the baggage claim area, staring at....eh....oh yeah. The luggage carousel. Doesn't even matter if there are bags on it or not, we're staring. In fact, we're a crazy breed, us humans. Here's something you've done and probably never admitted to a soul:
You find yourself at the airport, and your flight just landed. You were one of the first off the plane, and saw the workers on the tarmac s-l-o-w-l-y taking bags off the plane, one by one. Still, you get on over to the baggage claim area in about 2 minutes, and look at the little monitor that tell you your flight's carousel is going to be # 8. Given your history of flying, and the time it's going to take to unload the suitcases for 150 people and bring them over, you know it'll be about 15 minutes if you're lucky. Probably 20. But you park yourself near the entrance to carousel # 8, so that as soon as your stuff comes off the line, you'll be out the door well ahead of the other 149 clowns on the plane who didn't plan as efficiently as you. So there you are. After about 5 minutes, you're second-guessing yourself, not sure any of the 20 people milling around carousel # 8 look like anyone you recognized from being on your flight. You check the little monitor again, and breathe a sigh of relief when you realize you're right where you need to be. Another couple of minutes goes by, and something catches your eye, which in turn catches your brain. Down the concourse about 40 yards, there's a carousel that continues to turn, and it has one lone bag on it. You saw that bag a couple of minutes ago, but now it has your attention again. It's black, with a pull-handle, and the shape and size look AWFULLY familiar. "Dear Brain: It's me. Yeah. Is there a chance in God's Universe that could possibly be my bag, that someone speed-rushed over here and put on carousel # 5 by mistake, even though the monitor says to wait patiently at carousel # 8? You think? Am I going to look like an idiot, if I sort of slide on over there to check? You think?" And so you do. A moment later you're laughing at yourself, when you realize it's some putz from Cleveland who forgot to pick it up or something, but suddenly to your horror you see there are bags coming off carousel # 8, and people grabbing things and how-could-I-be-so-stupid and suddenly your aviation and life experiences all pass before your eyes, and you realize how worthless they were.
Did I mention we're a crazy breed, us humans?
Another question for you - did you ever play-fight with a sibling or friend growing up? Have yourself a big-'ol fight, where you knew neither one of you was going to get hurt? Welcome to Shelbyville, Tennessee where a couple was arrested last weekend on domestic assault charges. Police say things started out as a disagreement, then became more heated as voices were raised, then the "assault" happened when both parties starting flinging objects at each other. You might think it was teenagers with a bit too much Bud Light in their systems, but no - this was a 40-yr. old man and 44-yr. old woman engaged in the altercation. Luckily, neither of them was injured during the assault, as their "weapon of choice" to throw at each other was Cheetos. Yes, the fluorescent-orange snacks, crunchilly-crusted with cheesy goodness, were hurled across the room during this War Of The Roses, like little twisted-finger-shaped hand grenades. Both parties posted a $2,500 bond until a court date could be set, according to the Shelbyville Times-Gazette. Now I don't know about you, but if anyone ever started throwing Cheetos across the room at me, there's only one response I could have, over and over again.
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you...
Friday, June 26, 2009
The City Of Angels
The word "Icon" is over-used these days, but unfortunately it does apply to 3 people lost this week, coincidentally all in Los Angeles. Today, it truly equals its namesake status, as being the city of angels. Ed McMahon became a TV icon in the 60's, 70's and 80's by being the Every-man sidekick to Johnny Carson. That led to him becoming a famous pitch-man, since if there was ever a guy you knew you could trust, it was Ed McMahon. Farrah Fawcett's dazzling smile and the famous red swimsuit poster turned her into an instant icon, the face of American pop culture. No one ever had a harsh word for her, and though her life was filled with emotional ebbs and flows, she maintained her dignity throughout. If she was the one-time Queen of pop culture, it's undeniable that Michael Jackson was the King. Always will be. His cross-generational, cross-racial, cross-genre stylism and initial boyish good looks changed the face of music and dance World-wide, forever. Last night I happened to have the TV on when the news came flooding in about his loss, and it seemed as surreal then as it does now. For whatever problems he had in his life, I chalk much of it up to being on stage since he was old enough to walk and never having a true childhood. Michael's gift was his message of peace and love, and regardless of his judicial issues I personally think there is a seat for him in Heaven. At least I hope so, for all 3 of these good people. I'm guessing Michael is already penning a song about Heaven that's making Farrah smile that famous smile, and Ed laugh that famous laugh. Nothing but best wishes from The Cap'n.
My last post was about how Carnival's Mickey Arison is going to own Alaska soon. Today, another blow to Alaska's economy was announced, when long-time travel partner Cruise West (the small-ship Alaska cruises) announced their 2010 schedule. Stunner! The line has operated 8 ships in the Great State, including their current run in 2009, but next year they will cut to just 4 ships in Alaska. The Spirit of '98, Spirit of Glacier Bay, Spirit of Oceanus and Spirit of Alaska, all of which hold about 100 passengers each, will disappear. In a statement late Thursday, which was overshadowed by the other news mentioned above, Cruise West President and CEO Dietmar Wertanzl said “Our redeployment is in response to demand, and current market conditions.” Demand for Alaska cruises is way off, and several cruise lines have cited heavy taxation and regulation on ships as a major reason for moving out. In addition to eliminating 50% of its capacity, Cruise West is dropping its 7-night voyages between Ketchikan and Juneau. It's also changing its week-long roundtrip voyage itinerary out of Juneau to call on Sitka, Wrangell, Petersburg and Glacier Bay National Park. The 138-passenger Spirit of Yorktown and 102-person Spirit of Endeavour will operate other 7-night itineraries. The 84-passenger Spirit of Discovery, will do 4-night cruises to Glacier Bay National Park from Juneau. The 78-passenger Spirit of Columbia will sail 4-night Glaciers of Prince William Sound cruises from Whittier. They will also offer a 10-day Gold Rush Inside Passage itinerary. So what's been cut? Their most expansive and expensive options, the 12-, 13- and 24-night voyages offered in 2009 that headed as far north as the Bering Sea & Russia. Also, the hard-to-sell 3-night Glacier Bay cruises, which didn't seem to offer enough for the amount you had to spend in airfare to get there in the first place.
Oh, citizens of Alaska.....how's that $50 per cruise ship passenger "head tax" working out for you now? Your collective greed, and mismanagement by your highest elected officials, will leave a whole lot of darkness, in the Land of the Midnight Sun. Maybe you should look to bring an NFL team to Alaska, as a way to re-coup the tens-of-millions of dollars you've cost yourselves. Your motto could be a tongue-in-cheek barb aimed at Green Bay, Wisconsin:
"You think YOU'VE got frozen tundra?!"
Parents always want their kids to be more successful than themselves. Some just try harder to make it happen. A high school secretary in Huntington, PA has been criminally-charged with changing the grades in a school system computer, to improve her daughter's class standing. Caroline Maria McNeal is accused of using the passwords of 3 co-workers without their knowledge, to tamper with dozens of grades and test scores, according to the Pennsylvania Attorney General's office. McNeal, 39, is alleged to have improved her daughter Brittany's grades and reduced those of 2 classmates, to enhance Brittany's standing in her graduating class! Reducing the classmates' grades is even more shocking, and less-forgivable than changing her daughter's grades, in the eyes of the prosecutors. Fortunately, school officials were able to correct the grades before the students graduated. Attorney General Tom Corbett said the case involves a serious violation of public trust. "Our citizens depend on people in public positions, including school employees, to protect the safety and security of these records and not use confidential information for their own benefit." McNeal was charged with 29 counts of unlawful use of a computer, and 29 counts of tampering with public records. Each count is a 3rd-degree felony punishable by a maximum of 7years in prison and a $15,000 fine. Her daughter Brittany McNeal is considered innocent, and not charged with any wrong-doing. In all, McNeal is accused of altering nearly 200 scores and grades covering 4 school years. The situation came to light when an employee of the high school guidance office discovered conflicting SAT scores for Brittany. Scores provided directly by the College Board showed a cumulative score of 1370, while the "amended" submission showed 1730 (!), according to court papers.
I guess that calls for a new Latin phrase, to be posted on a Valedictorian's diploma. You've seen "Magna" and "Summa". Now there's this graduation addendum:
MOMMA CUM LAUDE
My last post was about how Carnival's Mickey Arison is going to own Alaska soon. Today, another blow to Alaska's economy was announced, when long-time travel partner Cruise West (the small-ship Alaska cruises) announced their 2010 schedule. Stunner! The line has operated 8 ships in the Great State, including their current run in 2009, but next year they will cut to just 4 ships in Alaska. The Spirit of '98, Spirit of Glacier Bay, Spirit of Oceanus and Spirit of Alaska, all of which hold about 100 passengers each, will disappear. In a statement late Thursday, which was overshadowed by the other news mentioned above, Cruise West President and CEO Dietmar Wertanzl said “Our redeployment is in response to demand, and current market conditions.” Demand for Alaska cruises is way off, and several cruise lines have cited heavy taxation and regulation on ships as a major reason for moving out. In addition to eliminating 50% of its capacity, Cruise West is dropping its 7-night voyages between Ketchikan and Juneau. It's also changing its week-long roundtrip voyage itinerary out of Juneau to call on Sitka, Wrangell, Petersburg and Glacier Bay National Park. The 138-passenger Spirit of Yorktown and 102-person Spirit of Endeavour will operate other 7-night itineraries. The 84-passenger Spirit of Discovery, will do 4-night cruises to Glacier Bay National Park from Juneau. The 78-passenger Spirit of Columbia will sail 4-night Glaciers of Prince William Sound cruises from Whittier. They will also offer a 10-day Gold Rush Inside Passage itinerary. So what's been cut? Their most expansive and expensive options, the 12-, 13- and 24-night voyages offered in 2009 that headed as far north as the Bering Sea & Russia. Also, the hard-to-sell 3-night Glacier Bay cruises, which didn't seem to offer enough for the amount you had to spend in airfare to get there in the first place.
Oh, citizens of Alaska.....how's that $50 per cruise ship passenger "head tax" working out for you now? Your collective greed, and mismanagement by your highest elected officials, will leave a whole lot of darkness, in the Land of the Midnight Sun. Maybe you should look to bring an NFL team to Alaska, as a way to re-coup the tens-of-millions of dollars you've cost yourselves. Your motto could be a tongue-in-cheek barb aimed at Green Bay, Wisconsin:
"You think YOU'VE got frozen tundra?!"
Parents always want their kids to be more successful than themselves. Some just try harder to make it happen. A high school secretary in Huntington, PA has been criminally-charged with changing the grades in a school system computer, to improve her daughter's class standing. Caroline Maria McNeal is accused of using the passwords of 3 co-workers without their knowledge, to tamper with dozens of grades and test scores, according to the Pennsylvania Attorney General's office. McNeal, 39, is alleged to have improved her daughter Brittany's grades and reduced those of 2 classmates, to enhance Brittany's standing in her graduating class! Reducing the classmates' grades is even more shocking, and less-forgivable than changing her daughter's grades, in the eyes of the prosecutors. Fortunately, school officials were able to correct the grades before the students graduated. Attorney General Tom Corbett said the case involves a serious violation of public trust. "Our citizens depend on people in public positions, including school employees, to protect the safety and security of these records and not use confidential information for their own benefit." McNeal was charged with 29 counts of unlawful use of a computer, and 29 counts of tampering with public records. Each count is a 3rd-degree felony punishable by a maximum of 7years in prison and a $15,000 fine. Her daughter Brittany McNeal is considered innocent, and not charged with any wrong-doing. In all, McNeal is accused of altering nearly 200 scores and grades covering 4 school years. The situation came to light when an employee of the high school guidance office discovered conflicting SAT scores for Brittany. Scores provided directly by the College Board showed a cumulative score of 1370, while the "amended" submission showed 1730 (!), according to court papers.
I guess that calls for a new Latin phrase, to be posted on a Valedictorian's diploma. You've seen "Magna" and "Summa". Now there's this graduation addendum:
MOMMA CUM LAUDE
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Sarah, Sarah..storms are brewing in your eyes...
Without the "H", it's a beautiful song by Starship with the incomparable Mickey Thomas on vocal. With the "H", it's the intrepid Governor of Alaska, who has turned a blind eye to cruise industry complaints about her State. As I've mentioned before in this blog, 3 years ago Alaskans voted an indiscriminate cruise passenger head-tax, in theory to generate revenue for their state. Theory-be-damned, the truth of the matter is 30-40% of all cruise ships are pulling out of Alaska next year, and Ms. Palin's State is going to be losing tens of millions of dollars in revenue. All from greed, and inept leadership. Now the other shoe (or possibly a hammer) is about to drop. You don't go fooling with Mother Nature, or Father Cruising himself - Carnival Corporation's Mickey Arison. He's tried peaceful negotiations, explaining how Alaskans were making a huge error in judgment with this tax, and now Mr. Arison has announced litigation is coming soon. That's right, the cruise industry vs. the State Of Alaska, in a no-holds-barred Texas Cage Match. As Daniel Day Lewis would say, "There will be blood!"
Arison had some very harsh words for Governor Palin, noting "she needs to concentrate on Alaska and stop running for President 2012." The Godfather Of Carnival also added that this month's U.S. Supreme Court decision, striking down a tax on oil tankers in Valdez, Alaska, supports the company's position that the cruise tax violates the tonnage clause of the United States Constitution. "It came down exactly as we anticipated - states do not have the right to charge taxes on ships in that manner." For her part, Ms. Palin hasn't really spoken publicly about the new lawsuit dilemma, but we all know the woman can smell publicity better than a bloodhound in a skunk factory. Alaska is already going to take a huge hit in 2010 when the ships wave buh-bye, and if the Court happens to agree with Arison and make any tax payback retroactive, you'll be looking at Alaska with a big sign outside the Anchorage airport, saying "CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE." Who knows, maybe Arison will get back so much in taxes, and property will be so cheap in Alaska, he'd be able to open his own theme park up there. Call it CARNIVALASKA WORLD. It's mascot would have to be named after Mr. Arison himself: Mickey Moose.
Now that Homeland Security is going the extra mile for background checks on cruises and vacation packages, quite a few deadbeat parents are rising from obscurity. When you go to get a now-required US passport for travel, they also investigate your personal history for outstanding warrants, including deadbeat parents owing child support. One such individual, who I dare say won't be receiving his passport any time soon, is Flint Michigan native Thomas Frazier. The 42-year old father to many was jailed in April, after his unpaid child-support tab reached a staggering $530,000. The prodigious Mr. Frazier has 14 children, with 13 different women. When the Judge questioned his roaming ways, he proclaimed that all his life he was only trying to "find someone who would love me for me." I believe you did that already...more than a dozen times that we know of... Another Father-Of-The-Year candidate is Desmond Hatchell, 29, of Knoxville, Tennessee. He appeared in court this past May, where he too was questioned by a Judge about his lack of payment and commitment. Mr. Hatchell, despite working a minimum-wage job, has "laid claim" genetically to 21 children so far, by 11 different women. In an interview with WLVT-TV in Knoxville, he said, "I never intended to have this many kids. Some things just happen." And some things need to be kept in their place. Surprisingly, Madonna has not shown up in either Flint or Knoxville looking to adopt any of the kids yet, but it's early in the week.
Obstructed Vowel Syndrome?
It's a spelling mantra that generations of schoolchildren have learned: "I before E, except after C." It was good enough for your grandparents, parents, you and me and anyone down the food chain from there, but not for the British Government. The Creators of our English language have instructed teachers not to pass the rule on to new students, declaring "there are simply too many exceptions to call it a rule." The Support For Spelling document, which is being sent to thousands of primary schools across the UK, says it's not worth teaching, because it doesn't account for words like sufficient, veil and their. Ok, Citizens and Britizens. 'Their' is a fairly common word. But I doubt many 5-year olds in your country or in the USA are using 'sufficient' and 'veil' in sentences. In fact, let's look at some other exceptions to the rule:
beige, codeine, conscience, deify, deity, deign, eider, either, feisty,foreign, forfeit, gneiss, heifer, height, heinous, heir, heist, neigh, neither, peignoir, prescient, science, seine, seismic, seize, sheik, society, sovereign, surfeit, vein, and weird.
Doubtful any 5-year olds are wielding these words in their oral arsenal either, so I'll let the last word on the list speak for Great Britain doing away with this fun, multi-generational rule:
WEIRD!
There are new rumblings from the UK Government as well. The Country's Prime Headmaster is attempting to abolish another long-held tradition in English Elementary Schools, the telling of stories that can traumatize children at a time when they are most impressionable. He speaks of decades of these Steven King-like horror tales, recounted by teachers who have frightened entire generations of kids into submission. One example cited is a tale of 2 unaccompanied minors, a boy and a girl, who were left on their own to do backbreaking chores for their families. While performing these tasks, with no adult supervision or assistance anywhere nearby, the young lad tripped and fell, sustaining a serious concussion and possible intra-cranial bleeding. The other child attempted to help her fallen friend, but in doing so found herself also losing her footing, and taking a severe fall. This resulted in lacerations and bruises over much of her body. You're probably asking "What kind of insane stories are teachers telling our beloved children?" Here is the example piece, verbatim....you be the judge:
Jack & Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after
Electrifying stuff, to be sure!
PS: I know there's no such position as a Prime Headmaster, but sometimes you do what you have to do in the name of comedy.
Arison had some very harsh words for Governor Palin, noting "she needs to concentrate on Alaska and stop running for President 2012." The Godfather Of Carnival also added that this month's U.S. Supreme Court decision, striking down a tax on oil tankers in Valdez, Alaska, supports the company's position that the cruise tax violates the tonnage clause of the United States Constitution. "It came down exactly as we anticipated - states do not have the right to charge taxes on ships in that manner." For her part, Ms. Palin hasn't really spoken publicly about the new lawsuit dilemma, but we all know the woman can smell publicity better than a bloodhound in a skunk factory. Alaska is already going to take a huge hit in 2010 when the ships wave buh-bye, and if the Court happens to agree with Arison and make any tax payback retroactive, you'll be looking at Alaska with a big sign outside the Anchorage airport, saying "CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE." Who knows, maybe Arison will get back so much in taxes, and property will be so cheap in Alaska, he'd be able to open his own theme park up there. Call it CARNIVALASKA WORLD. It's mascot would have to be named after Mr. Arison himself: Mickey Moose.
Now that Homeland Security is going the extra mile for background checks on cruises and vacation packages, quite a few deadbeat parents are rising from obscurity. When you go to get a now-required US passport for travel, they also investigate your personal history for outstanding warrants, including deadbeat parents owing child support. One such individual, who I dare say won't be receiving his passport any time soon, is Flint Michigan native Thomas Frazier. The 42-year old father to many was jailed in April, after his unpaid child-support tab reached a staggering $530,000. The prodigious Mr. Frazier has 14 children, with 13 different women. When the Judge questioned his roaming ways, he proclaimed that all his life he was only trying to "find someone who would love me for me." I believe you did that already...more than a dozen times that we know of... Another Father-Of-The-Year candidate is Desmond Hatchell, 29, of Knoxville, Tennessee. He appeared in court this past May, where he too was questioned by a Judge about his lack of payment and commitment. Mr. Hatchell, despite working a minimum-wage job, has "laid claim" genetically to 21 children so far, by 11 different women. In an interview with WLVT-TV in Knoxville, he said, "I never intended to have this many kids. Some things just happen." And some things need to be kept in their place. Surprisingly, Madonna has not shown up in either Flint or Knoxville looking to adopt any of the kids yet, but it's early in the week.
Obstructed Vowel Syndrome?
It's a spelling mantra that generations of schoolchildren have learned: "I before E, except after C." It was good enough for your grandparents, parents, you and me and anyone down the food chain from there, but not for the British Government. The Creators of our English language have instructed teachers not to pass the rule on to new students, declaring "there are simply too many exceptions to call it a rule." The Support For Spelling document, which is being sent to thousands of primary schools across the UK, says it's not worth teaching, because it doesn't account for words like sufficient, veil and their. Ok, Citizens and Britizens. 'Their' is a fairly common word. But I doubt many 5-year olds in your country or in the USA are using 'sufficient' and 'veil' in sentences. In fact, let's look at some other exceptions to the rule:
beige, codeine, conscience, deify, deity, deign, eider, either, feisty,foreign, forfeit, gneiss, heifer, height, heinous, heir, heist, neigh, neither, peignoir, prescient, science, seine, seismic, seize, sheik, society, sovereign, surfeit, vein, and weird.
Doubtful any 5-year olds are wielding these words in their oral arsenal either, so I'll let the last word on the list speak for Great Britain doing away with this fun, multi-generational rule:
WEIRD!
There are new rumblings from the UK Government as well. The Country's Prime Headmaster is attempting to abolish another long-held tradition in English Elementary Schools, the telling of stories that can traumatize children at a time when they are most impressionable. He speaks of decades of these Steven King-like horror tales, recounted by teachers who have frightened entire generations of kids into submission. One example cited is a tale of 2 unaccompanied minors, a boy and a girl, who were left on their own to do backbreaking chores for their families. While performing these tasks, with no adult supervision or assistance anywhere nearby, the young lad tripped and fell, sustaining a serious concussion and possible intra-cranial bleeding. The other child attempted to help her fallen friend, but in doing so found herself also losing her footing, and taking a severe fall. This resulted in lacerations and bruises over much of her body. You're probably asking "What kind of insane stories are teachers telling our beloved children?" Here is the example piece, verbatim....you be the judge:
Jack & Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after
Electrifying stuff, to be sure!
PS: I know there's no such position as a Prime Headmaster, but sometimes you do what you have to do in the name of comedy.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Pullmantur? Ay, Caramba!
Sometimes you hear stories about people getting married, then shortly thereafter one of the newlyweds finds out his or her spouse is a bazillion dollars in debt. Or that they are already married, and never divorced. Bigamy? No, big-a you! It's the stuff that reigns on Dr. Phil or Maury Povich, where truth rarely gets in the way of entertainment. At this point, I'll bet Royal Caribbean Cruise Line wishes there had been an "October Surprise" before they purchased Spanish company Pullmantur in November of 2006. The theory was that it was an already-existing cruise line in the Spanish-speaking market, based in Spain, and it would be a natural chain of growth and projection for Royal Caribbean overall. Yeah, the best laid plans. First, the economy started nose-diving after the "marriage" and has never yet recovered. Then they were set to launch a brand new ship called the Pacific Dream, which was targeting the Mexican audience, home-based in Acapulco, Mexico. Along comes the H1N1 swine flu, and the ship had to sit empty and idle until fears and the illness itself passed. Then Acapulco had the drug dealers and police recreating the shootout at the OK Corral. Now the sister ship Ocean Dream, which is sailing around the Caribbean, is also having issues. Turns out there are a number of active H1N1 flu cases on board, including crewmembers, and when the ship has arrived at various islands for its anticipated call, something quite UN-anticipated happened. Local Authorities said "Thanks, but no thanks." Basically, don't let the Sea Wall hit you in the backside on the way out. The ship was turned away from Grenada, and yesterday Venezuela booted them from their expected stop at Margarita Island. In a similar move, Antigua and St. Lucia also turned away passengers in the last 2 weeks.
Thus far, instead of turning a tidy profit for Royal Caribbean and its shareholders, it's estimated that Pullmantur has cost the company about $50 million dollars! Too late for an annulment, I'm sure. Oh - and Royal Caribbean got another piece of untimely news this week as well, this time concerning their latest-and-greatest Oasis Of The Seas, set to come to the marketplace in December 2009. They've premiered rock-climbing, ice-skating, flow-rider surfing and all that jazz on previous ships. For Oasis, the proposed gimmick, gadget, onboard perk or whatever you want to call it was blimp rides off the back of the ship. You heard correctly. The mini-blimp was to be tethered to the back of the ship, and passengers could go up and fly 200+ feet above the ocean, before being retrieved back on board from their heart-pumping thrill-ride. Then reality set in. During last week's highly-publicized sea trials, where the ship was put through the motions of actual cruising before delivery, they rolled out the mini-blimp for reporters and dignitaries. UP UP UP she went! A few minutes later, DOWN DOWN DOWN she came. But not on the ship. Unfortunately, she went straight down into the ocean, landing in the wake of the ship before being retrieved to embarrassing reviews. Talk about an idea that went over like a Led Zeppelin!
I've been an animal lover all my life, and have had numerous pets over the years as circumstances allowed (you can't really keep pets on board a cruise ship). And because of that, I have zero tolerance for the likes of former NFL player Michael Vick, who was involved in the inexcusable world of dog-fighting. But I also have my faith planted firmly on the side of COMMON SENSE, and think that the spokes-people at PETA (People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals, which technically should be PFTETOA) oftentimes need to have their heads examined. By real human MD's. Or PHD's or PETAD's or somebody with at least a lick of sense and a professional medical background. In the last 48 hours, PETA has lashed out at Prez-O, our Fearless Leader, after he was photographed swatting a fly. The President has been getting kudos for his lightning-fast, Mr.Miyagi-worthy reflexes when he slayed the pesky house fly during an interview with CNBC. Now PETA called his actions - and I'm not making this up - an"execution" and they want the Commander-In-Chief to show more compassion. Even for one of "the least sympathetic of the animal kingdom." They even went so far as to send Prez-O a device that traps flies, so they can be released outside in a humane fashion. In a related move, they sent Our Numero Uno an 18-foot fortified steel cage, in case Mr. Obama is ever attacked by a man-eating shark. He can just lure the critter inside, close the cage, and release it back into the wild, to eat someone less-noteworthy. PETA. Ya'all get a grip on yer'selves, OK THEN?
Did you mean "Get Acupuncture" when you said "Stick It?"
Doctors in China examined a man, after he showed up at a hospital complaining of shooting pains throughout his body. He said he had lived with the pain for a while, but it was just getting too intense. The medical staff performed scans and x-rays on the man, and reportedly found over 100 needles throughout his body, 38 in his stomach alone! When he was questioned, the man said he used to play with his Mother's needles a lot as a child, but he has no memory of putting them into his body. A hospital spokesman said "It's a miracle they've been in there so long, without becoming infected," Surgeons have begun a series of delicate operations to remove the needles, and the numerous surgeries could take nearly a year to complete. He should have just swallowed some spools of thread, and he could have sewn himself a new stomach lining. Maybe a classic houndstooth. FABULOUS!
Thus far, instead of turning a tidy profit for Royal Caribbean and its shareholders, it's estimated that Pullmantur has cost the company about $50 million dollars! Too late for an annulment, I'm sure. Oh - and Royal Caribbean got another piece of untimely news this week as well, this time concerning their latest-and-greatest Oasis Of The Seas, set to come to the marketplace in December 2009. They've premiered rock-climbing, ice-skating, flow-rider surfing and all that jazz on previous ships. For Oasis, the proposed gimmick, gadget, onboard perk or whatever you want to call it was blimp rides off the back of the ship. You heard correctly. The mini-blimp was to be tethered to the back of the ship, and passengers could go up and fly 200+ feet above the ocean, before being retrieved back on board from their heart-pumping thrill-ride. Then reality set in. During last week's highly-publicized sea trials, where the ship was put through the motions of actual cruising before delivery, they rolled out the mini-blimp for reporters and dignitaries. UP UP UP she went! A few minutes later, DOWN DOWN DOWN she came. But not on the ship. Unfortunately, she went straight down into the ocean, landing in the wake of the ship before being retrieved to embarrassing reviews. Talk about an idea that went over like a Led Zeppelin!
I've been an animal lover all my life, and have had numerous pets over the years as circumstances allowed (you can't really keep pets on board a cruise ship). And because of that, I have zero tolerance for the likes of former NFL player Michael Vick, who was involved in the inexcusable world of dog-fighting. But I also have my faith planted firmly on the side of COMMON SENSE, and think that the spokes-people at PETA (People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals, which technically should be PFTETOA) oftentimes need to have their heads examined. By real human MD's. Or PHD's or PETAD's or somebody with at least a lick of sense and a professional medical background. In the last 48 hours, PETA has lashed out at Prez-O, our Fearless Leader, after he was photographed swatting a fly. The President has been getting kudos for his lightning-fast, Mr.Miyagi-worthy reflexes when he slayed the pesky house fly during an interview with CNBC. Now PETA called his actions - and I'm not making this up - an"execution" and they want the Commander-In-Chief to show more compassion. Even for one of "the least sympathetic of the animal kingdom." They even went so far as to send Prez-O a device that traps flies, so they can be released outside in a humane fashion. In a related move, they sent Our Numero Uno an 18-foot fortified steel cage, in case Mr. Obama is ever attacked by a man-eating shark. He can just lure the critter inside, close the cage, and release it back into the wild, to eat someone less-noteworthy. PETA. Ya'all get a grip on yer'selves, OK THEN?
Did you mean "Get Acupuncture" when you said "Stick It?"
Doctors in China examined a man, after he showed up at a hospital complaining of shooting pains throughout his body. He said he had lived with the pain for a while, but it was just getting too intense. The medical staff performed scans and x-rays on the man, and reportedly found over 100 needles throughout his body, 38 in his stomach alone! When he was questioned, the man said he used to play with his Mother's needles a lot as a child, but he has no memory of putting them into his body. A hospital spokesman said "It's a miracle they've been in there so long, without becoming infected," Surgeons have begun a series of delicate operations to remove the needles, and the numerous surgeries could take nearly a year to complete. He should have just swallowed some spools of thread, and he could have sewn himself a new stomach lining. Maybe a classic houndstooth. FABULOUS!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Musta Been The Right Time, But Musta Been The Wrong Plane (thank you Dr. John)
Not a good public relations morning for Continental Airlines today. You may have already heard they had an unaccompanied 8-year old child two days ago, who was supposed to fly from Dallas to Charlotte, but flight personnel put her on the wrong plane. She wound up in Fayetteville, Arkansas. Easy to see that mistake, right? Both "Charlotte" and "Fayetteville" have the letters A, E, L and double TT in them. Of course I'm kidding, and that's what parents pay an extra $75 each direction on their ticket for, to avoid this kind of dangerous error. Then yesterday, just one day after the nationally-publicized incident, when you'd think flight crews would be at their most vigilant, it happened again. Another young girl, this time a 10-year old from Boston, was placed on a plane by her father, bound for Cleveland. Next stop, Newark! Another huge blunder by check-in personnel and flight crews, who failed to cross-check something as major as a MINOR! I'm sure they cross-checked seat belts, exit doors, overhead bins, and to make sure they had a full beverage cart, but forgot to verify their precious human cargo. In a word, inexcusable. Not that it happened twice, that it happened at all. There are supposed to be protective systems in place, and the fact that both these incidents happened a single day apart, both on Continental, tells me they need to clean house when it comes to their training on this issue. Hopefully this is the last time we hear of a child endangered like this. I'm sure the lawyers retained by the victims' families will have something to say behind closed doors as well. To me, there is an underlying issue that is equally important, if not more so (if that's possible). For those children to have been put on the wrong plane, it means boarding passes were not checked against the manifest. Huh?! With all the security put in place after 9/11, we still have airport security people who don't get it? For those directly responsible for who did or didn't get on the plane, INCLUDING THAT PERSON'S LUGGAGE, I'm not sure re-training is the answer. I'm thinking pink slip. Bright pink. Buh-Bye.
Sometimes I read other travel sites for a laugh, because the advice they give can range from inaccurate to pathetic. But once in a while, somebody gets it right (unlike me, who is right 100% of the time...as my followers well know). USAToday posted an article on line today, about taking teens on vacation, and I really think it's spot-on. Here's a link:
http://www.usatoday.com/travel/news/2009-06-17-traveling-with-teens_N.htm
I don't have teens, but I once was one. And I've been around enough traveling families to know this is excellent feedback, and worth a read for those who do have middle-age kids.
Remember Al Pacino in the movie And Justice For All? He had a memorable courtroom scene where, after being admonished by the judge that he was out of order, he screams "You're out of order! You're out of order! You're ALL out of order!" Now a baseball umpire has had a similar experience, at a high school game in Iowa. Umpire Don Briggs had no problem with any of the coaches or student athletes last Thursday, in a game between Winfield-Mount Union and West Burlington. His problem was in the stands and bleachers. He said parents and fans became extremely unruly - yelling, arguing and threatening to fight each other. The Ump ran onto the field, waved his arms, raised his voice and threw his right arm in the wild swinging motion that says "You're OUTTA HERE!" So who was he ejecting from the game? The crowd. All of them. Over 100 spectators were tossed out of the stadium, and told the game would not continue until every one of them had left. It took a while to get everyone to agree to leave, but the game resumed after a 40-minute delay. West Burlington won 12-11. Just to be safe, Umpire Briggs called police as a precautionary back-up. West Burlington police officer Al Waterman says there were no arrests, and by the time he arrived he did not witness any unruliness. All this in the state that gave us Field of Dreams.
"Is this Hell? No - it's Iowa!"
Have you ever told somebody a bit of news which you THOUGHT would spur a reaction, but got virtually nothing? It happened to a Georgia couple recently. Chuck Hill was playing the Georgia Lottery, and when he scratched the ticket he realized he had won $5,000 in the "Weekly Win Fall" game. He came home to break the news to his wife Karen. After hearing he had just won $5,000 her reaction was "So?" As it turns out, Karen is also a player. She had bought a scratch-off ticket for the "World Class Millions" game on her way to work. Her $20-dollar ticket won the $1-million dollar Grand Prize! The couple has two children, ages 6 and 8, and say they will pay off their bills before deciding what to do with the money.
From the lucky to the unlucky. NOTE TO SELF: If I ever decide to have and excruciatingly-painful tattoo placed on my head, I will not sleep through the procedure. A Belgian woman is suing a tattoo artist, alleging in her lawsuit that she woke up and found 56 stars inked on her face. The 18-year-old claims she fell asleep in the tattoo parlor, and the artist misunderstood her request for 3 stars, mistakenly adding another 53 of his own accord. She says she awoke to "a living nightmare." The tattoo artist in his counter-claim says the teen was not asleep during the procedure at all. In fact, she looked in the mirror several times and was completely happy with the results, until she got home and her father saw it. The teen says she wants to keep some of the tattoos, mainly the ones on her forehead, but plans to have the rest removed.
"Is this Hell? No - it's Belgium!"
In Monty Python and the Holy Grail, there's a great bit from the Middle Ages, where an old man is loaded onto a cart carrying "the dead", but he's still very much alive. He keeps proclaiming "I'm not dead yet. Actually, I'm feeling much better." Flash to current-day Europe, where an 84-year old Polish woman woke up in the hospital morgue, because her doctor her declared her dead. She was taken to the mortuary after she had collapsed at her home. The mortuary staff was quoted as saying, "she wasn't showing any signs of life, even when we were putting her into the plastic bag. Suddenly when we took her into the morgue she started to move." A doctor was quickly called, and confirmed the woman's vital signs had returned. She was rushed to a local hospital, where she was placed in intensive care. Experts say the woman may have suffered from a disease that has symptoms which mimic death.
Sometimes I read other travel sites for a laugh, because the advice they give can range from inaccurate to pathetic. But once in a while, somebody gets it right (unlike me, who is right 100% of the time...as my followers well know). USAToday posted an article on line today, about taking teens on vacation, and I really think it's spot-on. Here's a link:
http://www.usatoday.com/travel/news/2009-06-17-traveling-with-teens_N.htm
I don't have teens, but I once was one. And I've been around enough traveling families to know this is excellent feedback, and worth a read for those who do have middle-age kids.
Remember Al Pacino in the movie And Justice For All? He had a memorable courtroom scene where, after being admonished by the judge that he was out of order, he screams "You're out of order! You're out of order! You're ALL out of order!" Now a baseball umpire has had a similar experience, at a high school game in Iowa. Umpire Don Briggs had no problem with any of the coaches or student athletes last Thursday, in a game between Winfield-Mount Union and West Burlington. His problem was in the stands and bleachers. He said parents and fans became extremely unruly - yelling, arguing and threatening to fight each other. The Ump ran onto the field, waved his arms, raised his voice and threw his right arm in the wild swinging motion that says "You're OUTTA HERE!" So who was he ejecting from the game? The crowd. All of them. Over 100 spectators were tossed out of the stadium, and told the game would not continue until every one of them had left. It took a while to get everyone to agree to leave, but the game resumed after a 40-minute delay. West Burlington won 12-11. Just to be safe, Umpire Briggs called police as a precautionary back-up. West Burlington police officer Al Waterman says there were no arrests, and by the time he arrived he did not witness any unruliness. All this in the state that gave us Field of Dreams.
"Is this Hell? No - it's Iowa!"
Have you ever told somebody a bit of news which you THOUGHT would spur a reaction, but got virtually nothing? It happened to a Georgia couple recently. Chuck Hill was playing the Georgia Lottery, and when he scratched the ticket he realized he had won $5,000 in the "Weekly Win Fall" game. He came home to break the news to his wife Karen. After hearing he had just won $5,000 her reaction was "So?" As it turns out, Karen is also a player. She had bought a scratch-off ticket for the "World Class Millions" game on her way to work. Her $20-dollar ticket won the $1-million dollar Grand Prize! The couple has two children, ages 6 and 8, and say they will pay off their bills before deciding what to do with the money.
From the lucky to the unlucky. NOTE TO SELF: If I ever decide to have and excruciatingly-painful tattoo placed on my head, I will not sleep through the procedure. A Belgian woman is suing a tattoo artist, alleging in her lawsuit that she woke up and found 56 stars inked on her face. The 18-year-old claims she fell asleep in the tattoo parlor, and the artist misunderstood her request for 3 stars, mistakenly adding another 53 of his own accord. She says she awoke to "a living nightmare." The tattoo artist in his counter-claim says the teen was not asleep during the procedure at all. In fact, she looked in the mirror several times and was completely happy with the results, until she got home and her father saw it. The teen says she wants to keep some of the tattoos, mainly the ones on her forehead, but plans to have the rest removed.
"Is this Hell? No - it's Belgium!"
In Monty Python and the Holy Grail, there's a great bit from the Middle Ages, where an old man is loaded onto a cart carrying "the dead", but he's still very much alive. He keeps proclaiming "I'm not dead yet. Actually, I'm feeling much better." Flash to current-day Europe, where an 84-year old Polish woman woke up in the hospital morgue, because her doctor her declared her dead. She was taken to the mortuary after she had collapsed at her home. The mortuary staff was quoted as saying, "she wasn't showing any signs of life, even when we were putting her into the plastic bag. Suddenly when we took her into the morgue she started to move." A doctor was quickly called, and confirmed the woman's vital signs had returned. She was rushed to a local hospital, where she was placed in intensive care. Experts say the woman may have suffered from a disease that has symptoms which mimic death.
"Actually, I'm feeling MUCH BETTER!"
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Flyin' High Again (and again, and again....)
Mark Malkoff is a filmmaker and comedian, who happens to have Erica Jong's disease: Fear Of Flying. He's lived with it some 33 years, and he's finally had enough. So how do you get over such a thing? This may not work for you or me, but Mr. Malkoff decided to book an Air Tran flight from NY LaGuardia to Atlanta on June 1st. That was just the beginning. He is attempting to fly all-day, every day for a full month, and his itineraries range from 5 to as many as a dozen flights per day, with destinations including Raleigh, N.C., Jacksonville, Fla., Denver, Pittsburgh and St. Louis. By selecting Air Tran, he's a bit more limited on where he goes than carriers who also handle the Caribbean, Europe etc. But it DOESN'T MATTER! It's all about being airborne. To combat the loneliness, his wife actually joins him and flies with him on the weekends. He says the hardest part is washing his hair in the lavatories on board, and cleaning himself with baby wipes. He insists his fear is abating, and that overall the experience has been a positive one. It's had the side-effect of curing some of his other fears as well. Previously, he had excruciating anxiety attacks, riddled with fear of:
1) Baby wipes
2) Rolling carts filled with beverages
3) Snoring strangers
4) Unruly kids with oblivious parents
and most of all
5) The embarrassment of not understanding the
workings of a seat belt (practice makes perfect!)
You can check out his daily blog at http://www.markonairtran.com/
Don't you love it when companies pretend to care? I always find it laughable when I see a TV ad for an oil company, spouting about how they are loving and caring to the environment. Yeah SURE you are. Here's a new twist on that notion from "across the pond" in Britain. London's celebrated high-end restaurant Nobu serves a bluefin tuna entree, for the equivalent of about $51.00 US Dollars. However, they are apparently ashamed enough about serving bluefin, according to a May report in the London Daily Telegraph, that it comes with a caveat. Printed on the menu is this advisory:
"Bluefin tuna is an environmentally threatened species -- please ask your server for an alternative."
1) Baby wipes
2) Rolling carts filled with beverages
3) Snoring strangers
4) Unruly kids with oblivious parents
and most of all
5) The embarrassment of not understanding the
workings of a seat belt (practice makes perfect!)
You can check out his daily blog at http://www.markonairtran.com/
Don't you love it when companies pretend to care? I always find it laughable when I see a TV ad for an oil company, spouting about how they are loving and caring to the environment. Yeah SURE you are. Here's a new twist on that notion from "across the pond" in Britain. London's celebrated high-end restaurant Nobu serves a bluefin tuna entree, for the equivalent of about $51.00 US Dollars. However, they are apparently ashamed enough about serving bluefin, according to a May report in the London Daily Telegraph, that it comes with a caveat. Printed on the menu is this advisory:
"Bluefin tuna is an environmentally threatened species -- please ask your server for an alternative."
The dictionary describes that as "blatant disregard"
It's not just the Brits with strange headlines this month. The BBC also has news from the Czech Republic. Seems the Czech newspaper Lidove Noviny reported recently that, as late as 1975, the communist government of Czechoslovakia was actively planning to dig a tunnel from that landlocked country, underneath Austria and the part of Yugoslavia that is now Slovenia, to give it rail access to the Adriatic Sea, 250 miles away. It is not known what the Austrians and the Yugoslavs thought of the idea, but just imagine if Mexico or Canada tried to run tunnels under the United States. Good plan. No word on whether the then-Czech communist government had considered digging straight through to China, to save on skyrocketing rice and tea prices.
Then again, we're not immune to weirdness right here in North Carolina. Just an hour up the road in Hickory, NC a man named Donny Guy, 31, was arrested and charged with burglary of the Captain's Galley Seafood restaurant, in a caper caught on surveillance video. Mr. Guy was immediately a suspect, because he lives in an apartment just 150 feet from the restaurant. Little did he know, he had left two identifying paper trails during the robbery, which led police almost directly to his front door. Watching the video, they saw the suspect "escaping" with two cash registers, one under each arm. Unfortunately for Mr. Guy, he failed to notice that the spools of receipt paper from each machine had snagged on something in the restaurant, and were unraveling with each step he took. Sort of like Hansel and Gretel dropping breadcrumbs to mark their path, only easier to spot. Authorities subsequently nabbed him, just before he was able to erect a 200-foot neon arrow pointing towards his apartment, emblazoned with giant letters proclaiming "I DID IT!"
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Don't Be A Bunch Of Twits
Twitters, Tweeters, Twizzlers, Tweezers, whatever you or your kids happen to be, I'm here to bring you back to reality. If only a little bit. The current generation lives in the moment, and anything older than 3 minutes ago is pretty much passe (that's French for "who gives a dang?"). That's why you hear people call their friends, asking "What're you up to?" and 5 minutes later, another call, "How about now?" Sad, ain't it? Self-reliance, self-confidence, keeping focus on the task at hand, also appear to be passe. Nobody can live without keeping up with as many Joneses as they know. Now look at me, as a shining example of how to live your life without pesky interruptions.
1) No cell phone. Not now, not ever
2) No hand-held devices, other than a pen, fork, spoon, or beer
3) No laptop, not even much of a lap
There you have it, simplicity personified! When I arrive on the bridge for work, steering my ship to her next port of call, that one task takes all my energy and focus. It keeps me safe, keeps my passengers and crew safe, and if anyone comes up and asks "What're you up to?" I'd just sneer at 'em and say "Tryin' not to let some Twit wreck us!" By the way, you've gotta love the name Twitter. Derived from Twit. The second two-thirds of the word Nitwit. The Dictionary describes a Twit as a "foolishly annoying person." Need I say more?
So why am I all over Twits and Facebookers and Textomaniacs and MySpaceCadets? Because when they're so busy socializing and networking, the first casualty is often COMMON SENSE. You know about the people driving and talking, driving and texting, driving and tweeting - actually, what they're NOT doing is driving! But I'm not writing today about that, I'm writing about something I deal with all the time, which is selling travel. My generation and my parents' and so on would plan well when going on vacation. We'd contact the Post Office and stop mail service. We'd tell a trusted friend or neighbor to keep an eye out, and we'd never dream of putting a message on our answering machines, saying we were out of town or gone for a week. That's common sense, keeping a low profile as a protection for your home and property. Enter Generation Y (also known as Generation WHY?!). It's not just the kids, either. It can be anyone in the family who writes on their homepage "See you in 2 weeks - we're off to Disney World!" or "Later everybody - I'll be in touch from the Internet Cafe on our cruise!" Or you just posted real-time vacation photos saying "This is ME on top of Mt. Pookapootie." Guess what - you've just informed the known Universe that, just like many MySpaceCadets, the lights are on but nobody's home. You've told them the timetable. Your personal information, including your home address, is pretty much available to anyone on Earth who is good with a computer, and that's exactly who you're talking to. That's why I'm mentioning it on this-here blog, since we're now into Summer Vacation season, and I wanted to remind you to check yourself AND your young-un's ME ME ME websites, to make sure you don't come home to a big surprise.
It's been a good day. I called 2 of my clients earlier, to tell them I was able to upgrade them on their Alaska cruise, AND save them nearly $500. That's not an every-day thing, but it happens on occasion. People who go onto website A or B to book their travel, usually do so with a faceless, nameless reservation number and that's it. I saw it, I liked the price, I bought it and I'm done, all in the comfort of my living room and my favorite shorts. Well, lucky you. The problem is, what if something goes wrong on your trip? Who do you call, and what do they know about the history of your booking? Now you're on vacation, but it doesn't FEEL like vacation, and you have no one in your corner as an advocate. Or like the case with me today. Once my clients put down a deposit on a trip, I watch that reservation faithfully, and if there is ever a super-sale, special promotion, or fare adjustment I make sure my client gets that savings. If you book on website A or B, the computer got your money, and is programmed only to move on to the next customer and his or her credit card. You're already done - literally! And for you book-it-in-my-shorts types, all you have to do is email me and 99 times or more out of a hundred I can get you the same deal, or a better deal, and you get my services for free. Even if you're booking direct with a trusted cruise line or tour operator, you should Ask The Cap'n before giving anyone your credit card! You're booking with the power of one person. When I book you, it's part of the American Express network, and we often have group space held, where you can get a lower price using the buying power of a hundred people, not just one. Buying travel is not the same as buying an I-phone or a pair of sunglasses. If your vacation is a mess, that's your whole year gone...it can't be fixed until NEXT vacation, so you want to have a strong person standing with you. That would be me, and I love the challenge of finding price reductions for my clients, who become like family. As I said, it's been a good day.
If you didn't already believe health care has run amok, check out a story from the Wisconsin State Journal. The General Manager of the Dean Health Clinic in Madison, Wisconsin received a directive from his Corporate Headquarters: "Here is a list of 50 employees at your facility, whom we want you to lay off immediately." The 30-year veteran executive understands that now means NOW, so he complied. All 50 employees were immediately let go. It went as well as it could for 49 of them. However, the 50th name on the list was an RN who was assisting in surgery at the time. She was pulled from the procedure, leaving the Surgeon with only a hospital staffer to assist in finishing up. A clinic spokesperson later apologized, saying the Manager's timing was inappropriate, and that no patient was ever put at risk.
Why am I suddenly picturing The 3 Stooges: Larry, Curly and Moe, operating on a patient?
"Forceps!" ("Forceps!").
"Clamp!" ("Clamp!").
"Anikanipanistana!" ("Anikanipanistana!")
1) No cell phone. Not now, not ever
2) No hand-held devices, other than a pen, fork, spoon, or beer
3) No laptop, not even much of a lap
There you have it, simplicity personified! When I arrive on the bridge for work, steering my ship to her next port of call, that one task takes all my energy and focus. It keeps me safe, keeps my passengers and crew safe, and if anyone comes up and asks "What're you up to?" I'd just sneer at 'em and say "Tryin' not to let some Twit wreck us!" By the way, you've gotta love the name Twitter. Derived from Twit. The second two-thirds of the word Nitwit. The Dictionary describes a Twit as a "foolishly annoying person." Need I say more?
So why am I all over Twits and Facebookers and Textomaniacs and MySpaceCadets? Because when they're so busy socializing and networking, the first casualty is often COMMON SENSE. You know about the people driving and talking, driving and texting, driving and tweeting - actually, what they're NOT doing is driving! But I'm not writing today about that, I'm writing about something I deal with all the time, which is selling travel. My generation and my parents' and so on would plan well when going on vacation. We'd contact the Post Office and stop mail service. We'd tell a trusted friend or neighbor to keep an eye out, and we'd never dream of putting a message on our answering machines, saying we were out of town or gone for a week. That's common sense, keeping a low profile as a protection for your home and property. Enter Generation Y (also known as Generation WHY?!). It's not just the kids, either. It can be anyone in the family who writes on their homepage "See you in 2 weeks - we're off to Disney World!" or "Later everybody - I'll be in touch from the Internet Cafe on our cruise!" Or you just posted real-time vacation photos saying "This is ME on top of Mt. Pookapootie." Guess what - you've just informed the known Universe that, just like many MySpaceCadets, the lights are on but nobody's home. You've told them the timetable. Your personal information, including your home address, is pretty much available to anyone on Earth who is good with a computer, and that's exactly who you're talking to. That's why I'm mentioning it on this-here blog, since we're now into Summer Vacation season, and I wanted to remind you to check yourself AND your young-un's ME ME ME websites, to make sure you don't come home to a big surprise.
It's been a good day. I called 2 of my clients earlier, to tell them I was able to upgrade them on their Alaska cruise, AND save them nearly $500. That's not an every-day thing, but it happens on occasion. People who go onto website A or B to book their travel, usually do so with a faceless, nameless reservation number and that's it. I saw it, I liked the price, I bought it and I'm done, all in the comfort of my living room and my favorite shorts. Well, lucky you. The problem is, what if something goes wrong on your trip? Who do you call, and what do they know about the history of your booking? Now you're on vacation, but it doesn't FEEL like vacation, and you have no one in your corner as an advocate. Or like the case with me today. Once my clients put down a deposit on a trip, I watch that reservation faithfully, and if there is ever a super-sale, special promotion, or fare adjustment I make sure my client gets that savings. If you book on website A or B, the computer got your money, and is programmed only to move on to the next customer and his or her credit card. You're already done - literally! And for you book-it-in-my-shorts types, all you have to do is email me and 99 times or more out of a hundred I can get you the same deal, or a better deal, and you get my services for free. Even if you're booking direct with a trusted cruise line or tour operator, you should Ask The Cap'n before giving anyone your credit card! You're booking with the power of one person. When I book you, it's part of the American Express network, and we often have group space held, where you can get a lower price using the buying power of a hundred people, not just one. Buying travel is not the same as buying an I-phone or a pair of sunglasses. If your vacation is a mess, that's your whole year gone...it can't be fixed until NEXT vacation, so you want to have a strong person standing with you. That would be me, and I love the challenge of finding price reductions for my clients, who become like family. As I said, it's been a good day.
If you didn't already believe health care has run amok, check out a story from the Wisconsin State Journal. The General Manager of the Dean Health Clinic in Madison, Wisconsin received a directive from his Corporate Headquarters: "Here is a list of 50 employees at your facility, whom we want you to lay off immediately." The 30-year veteran executive understands that now means NOW, so he complied. All 50 employees were immediately let go. It went as well as it could for 49 of them. However, the 50th name on the list was an RN who was assisting in surgery at the time. She was pulled from the procedure, leaving the Surgeon with only a hospital staffer to assist in finishing up. A clinic spokesperson later apologized, saying the Manager's timing was inappropriate, and that no patient was ever put at risk.
Why am I suddenly picturing The 3 Stooges: Larry, Curly and Moe, operating on a patient?
"Forceps!" ("Forceps!").
"Clamp!" ("Clamp!").
"Anikanipanistana!" ("Anikanipanistana!")
Monday, June 8, 2009
Jimmy Crack Peanuts, and I Don't Care...
As Presidents go, Jimmy Carter was one of them. I think by anyone's account, of the 44 men who have taken the U.S. Presidential oath, he definitely ranks somewhere in the Top 42. When you ask for a 1-word assessment of President Carter, you'll hear things like "nice." Not that nice is a bad thing, but he's done more noteworthy things since he left office than when he was at the helm. Now there is an active bill in Congress to make Jimmy Carter's Plains, Georgia home a National Park. From a USAToday story I read earlier today, that might make it the first-ever haunted National Park. After Jimmy got out of the Navy, he and Rosalind moved into a shabby house on the edge of town, known mostly for a shadowy figure that was sometimes seen through a 2nd-floor window, the occasional scream-out-of-nowhere at night, and even a dog that disappeared. Now when you're talking about a non-haunted house, you'd probably say "the dog ran away." But how boring is that? Not at all in line with the context of spookiness, and evil-incarnate in a town of 635 in rural Georgia! So for the purpose of bulldozing this legislation through the Halls of Congress, we'll stick to the mystery of the vanishing pooch. You're probably asking, "What makes this creaky old structure worthy of becoming a National Park?" I'm asking the same thing. Doesn't Shrine-dom require some action remotely shrine-worthy? Sounds to me like it's a favor-for-a-favor thing, and this junker-of-a-house has no more National appeal than say Bob Saggett's childhood home. Or Al Roker's garage. In fact, I'll take Al Roker's garage any day over the haunted peanut farm.
OK now let's review. Place these National Parks in the order of their importance to Our Nation's history:
1) Yosemite
2) The Grand Canyon
3) Mount Rushmore
4) Yellowstone
5) Statue Of Liberty
6) Flippin' Jimmy Carter's haunted-shack-and-peanut-stand
Yeah, it was a bit of a trick question....when you re-did the list order, if you only wrote down the first 5 instead of all 6, you get extra credit from The Cap'n!
Is there a new Star of Bethlehem? Not the Middle East - I'm talking about Bethlehem, PA in the heart of steel country USA. Except the steel mill is closed. In its place, there is a new $738 million glamour-girl, The Sands Bethlehem Casino. Residents and investors are banking on something besides steel and coal, to revive the Pennsylvania mountains economy. The new casino features 3,000+ slot machines, video blackjack and video 3-card poker. The State of Pennsylvania does not allow table-gaming with live dealers, so this is as close as they'll get to the Vegas experience. Still, the ownership is Vegas all the way - Las Vegas Sands corporation owns the Venetian and Palazzo among its wealth of casinos, and they're not taking this lightly. They're incorporating some of the "new Vegas" attributes, such as world-class dining. Among the various lounges and eateries at the new Sands Bethlehem, you'll find celebrity chef Emeril Lagasse's latest creation, for the patrons to enjoy. There is also a plan in the works to expand to add a hotel as well. So the future may be bright for people wanting a little more scenery than Atlantic City, or who want to stay East of the Mississippi. Situated in Eastern PA, in the Lehigh Valley between the Pocono Mountains, it could be a breath of fresh air for a previously all-industrial State.
Over a 10-week period this summer, nearly 200 young Saudi women are auditioning for a country-wide pageant, but it's not your typical beauty pageant. It's called "Miss Beautiful Morals," in which physical attractiveness is irrelevant. Instead of swimsuits, nightgowns, and speeches on world peace, those competitions are replaced by judges deciding the level of the ladies' observance of traditional Saudi values. particularly the honoring of their mothers.
We have a slightly different pageant here in the United States, where looks, talent AND morals are completely irrelevant.
It's called: "Auditions for CBS's Big Brother Eleven"
Believing in something with all your heart is usually a good thing. Then again, there's Kailash Singh, 63, who lives in a village near the holy city of Varanasi, India. He recently told reporters that he had not bathed in the last 35 years, because in his religious beliefs remaining water-free would improve his chances of fathering a male child, instead of a female. Well, first things first: it hasn't worked. Secondly, his wife left him and now his chances of fathering any child are remote at best. Now, in a "twist of faith", he has ditched his original motives and has a new cause altogether, saying he is shunning baths until India's social problems are resolved. You know, social problems like detestable body odor. Lack of friends because of seemingly pointless convictions. That sort of thing. Reporters looked into his "back-story", to discover Singh had previously been a shop owner, but he became a farmer when business soured, with customers declining to approach him to ask for prices or buy merchandise. The fertilizer-laden fields of his farm seem to be more suited to his personal hygiene, or lack thereof.
You're not half bad - for a Klingon!
Most people who grew up with the Space program have dreamed of being an astronaut, or traveling to another planet if the technology catches up. Scientists have done a lot of research, and a whole lot of thinking on the subject, and guess what - the Next Generation of space travelers will likely have one trait in common: Ugliness. Drop-dead, butt-ugliness to be exact. Research scientists say the lack of gravity will keep bones and muscles from developing properly. Speaking at a science festival, Dr. Lewis Dartnell says living permanently in space for many years will have dramatic effects on the body Human. He says looks will be adversely affected, because we won't be required to move or keep warm, likely "frozen" cryogenically or some other method of preservation. The lack of movement and gravity will almost surely lead to bloated faces, hair loss and water pooling in the skull.
Maybe the famous Bar Scene in the movie Star Wars isn't too terribly far from the truth. Of course, when traveling at 35 Parsecs per Kilo-Month, the phrase "So - you from around here?" will be rendered meaningless...
OK now let's review. Place these National Parks in the order of their importance to Our Nation's history:
1) Yosemite
2) The Grand Canyon
3) Mount Rushmore
4) Yellowstone
5) Statue Of Liberty
6) Flippin' Jimmy Carter's haunted-shack-and-peanut-stand
Yeah, it was a bit of a trick question....when you re-did the list order, if you only wrote down the first 5 instead of all 6, you get extra credit from The Cap'n!
Is there a new Star of Bethlehem? Not the Middle East - I'm talking about Bethlehem, PA in the heart of steel country USA. Except the steel mill is closed. In its place, there is a new $738 million glamour-girl, The Sands Bethlehem Casino. Residents and investors are banking on something besides steel and coal, to revive the Pennsylvania mountains economy. The new casino features 3,000+ slot machines, video blackjack and video 3-card poker. The State of Pennsylvania does not allow table-gaming with live dealers, so this is as close as they'll get to the Vegas experience. Still, the ownership is Vegas all the way - Las Vegas Sands corporation owns the Venetian and Palazzo among its wealth of casinos, and they're not taking this lightly. They're incorporating some of the "new Vegas" attributes, such as world-class dining. Among the various lounges and eateries at the new Sands Bethlehem, you'll find celebrity chef Emeril Lagasse's latest creation, for the patrons to enjoy. There is also a plan in the works to expand to add a hotel as well. So the future may be bright for people wanting a little more scenery than Atlantic City, or who want to stay East of the Mississippi. Situated in Eastern PA, in the Lehigh Valley between the Pocono Mountains, it could be a breath of fresh air for a previously all-industrial State.
Over a 10-week period this summer, nearly 200 young Saudi women are auditioning for a country-wide pageant, but it's not your typical beauty pageant. It's called "Miss Beautiful Morals," in which physical attractiveness is irrelevant. Instead of swimsuits, nightgowns, and speeches on world peace, those competitions are replaced by judges deciding the level of the ladies' observance of traditional Saudi values. particularly the honoring of their mothers.
We have a slightly different pageant here in the United States, where looks, talent AND morals are completely irrelevant.
It's called: "Auditions for CBS's Big Brother Eleven"
Believing in something with all your heart is usually a good thing. Then again, there's Kailash Singh, 63, who lives in a village near the holy city of Varanasi, India. He recently told reporters that he had not bathed in the last 35 years, because in his religious beliefs remaining water-free would improve his chances of fathering a male child, instead of a female. Well, first things first: it hasn't worked. Secondly, his wife left him and now his chances of fathering any child are remote at best. Now, in a "twist of faith", he has ditched his original motives and has a new cause altogether, saying he is shunning baths until India's social problems are resolved. You know, social problems like detestable body odor. Lack of friends because of seemingly pointless convictions. That sort of thing. Reporters looked into his "back-story", to discover Singh had previously been a shop owner, but he became a farmer when business soured, with customers declining to approach him to ask for prices or buy merchandise. The fertilizer-laden fields of his farm seem to be more suited to his personal hygiene, or lack thereof.
You're not half bad - for a Klingon!
Most people who grew up with the Space program have dreamed of being an astronaut, or traveling to another planet if the technology catches up. Scientists have done a lot of research, and a whole lot of thinking on the subject, and guess what - the Next Generation of space travelers will likely have one trait in common: Ugliness. Drop-dead, butt-ugliness to be exact. Research scientists say the lack of gravity will keep bones and muscles from developing properly. Speaking at a science festival, Dr. Lewis Dartnell says living permanently in space for many years will have dramatic effects on the body Human. He says looks will be adversely affected, because we won't be required to move or keep warm, likely "frozen" cryogenically or some other method of preservation. The lack of movement and gravity will almost surely lead to bloated faces, hair loss and water pooling in the skull.
Maybe the famous Bar Scene in the movie Star Wars isn't too terribly far from the truth. Of course, when traveling at 35 Parsecs per Kilo-Month, the phrase "So - you from around here?" will be rendered meaningless...
Friday, June 5, 2009
Cheap, Cheap (no, that's not a bird you hear)
It's the sound of cruise lines and hotels maintaining or lowering their prices, in the face of the continued economic downturn. But that has resulted in some surprisingly-sharp increases in bookings during the last 60 days. It can't be a coincidence that the Stock Market has made up virtually all of its 2009 losses and more, and there is an underlying optimism that maybe we've seen the worst of it. People who have put off vacations for a year or more are reaching a point where the 4 walls of their house are closing in a bit, and they're taking the plunge back into leisure travel. The most surprising thing of all is how far in advance people are booking now. Carnival came out with a new "Early-Saver" fare a few months ago, that has to be booked at least 90 days out, and is a non-refundable and non-changeable fare, but it's guaranteed to be lower than any other price they offer all year long. I'm having clients call me for cruises in November, December, January and on thinking they are way early. Guess what. Many categories are 100% SOLD OUT, which has had the secondary effect of forcing Carnival to remove the Earlybird special and raise rates, because the ships are selling too quickly! In theory, they want to maximize their profits by filling the majority of the ship early (with an Early Saver), then the next 20% of the ship at higher rates, and as it gets more and more full they can keep creeping up on price, because the demand is still there, but there's little or no supply. Business 101. In a perfect world, they'll sell the last handful of cabins a couple of weeks before sailing, at near-brochure rate which is full tariff. Since the Early Saver program is capacity controlled, and can be pulled at any moment without notice, people are calling earlier and earlier to book their trips.
It's not just Carnival. Upscale Crystal Cruises announced that this week was their top booking week for 2009, which is unheard of. For decades, the January thru March "Wave Season" was when 60-70% of people booked their trips for the year. Not now. 2009 started as a disaster, but has been picking up momentum every week. Another high-end cruise line, Silversea, announced that the week of May 26th was the largest booking week for new reservations in their 15-year history! So whether you're a Carnival client, Royal Caribbean, Princess, Holland America, Regent or Silversea, the deals are there and you're missing a golden opportunity to get back in the game, if you're just sitting on the sidelines. So I say to you now: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! Call or email me for rates and availability for a future sailing, and let's get you on vacation!
It's not just for humans anymore....
A recent article in the Agence France Presse Newspaper, quotes a journal article from researchers at the University of Whitwatersrand (South Africa) and the University of Sydney (Australia). In the journal, they reported that young male Augrabies lizards were able to avoid older predatory males, by pretending to be female and suppressing their extravagant male coloration until they are fully developed and able to fend for themselves. What does that mean in layman's terms? Young male Augrabies lizards are cross-dressing. The males-pretending-to-be-females are able to avoid attacks by other more dominant males, while increasing their own freedom to spark romance with unsuspecting females. The report goes on to say these masters-of-gender-disguise have to remain careful, because older males might still whiff their male scent, which cannot be suppressed.....even under a to-die-for cocktail dress and some exquisite pumps.
Anyone who knows me knows I'm a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy. Are you? If so, I've got JUST THE RECIPE for you! Seattle, Washington-based "Black Rock Spirits"has recently concluded a 2-year taste test on a new type of liquor, and has brought the new product to market locally. It's called Bakon Vodka. As the spelling-challenged name might suggest, this is a flavored vodka, based on the concept of meat-and-potatoes. The vodka is made from fresh Idaho russet potatoes, flavored with everyone's favorite Porky The Pig classic, bacon. The tasty aperitif is currently only available in Washington State and a few nearby locations, but orders are pouring in from New York and other areas across the country. Bar drinks are already being developed, like a New York restaurant planning to offer a delight called Pork Soda (Bakon Vodka and Coke). Others include a Bacon Bloody Mary and Bacon-Chocolate Martini. According to its website, Bakon Vodka is "a superior potato vodka with a savory bacon flavor. It's clean, crisp, and delicious."
My understanding is bartenders will no longer be able to shout out "Last call." Instead, they'll be required to say:
"A-ba-dee-a-ba-dee-a-ba-dee-a-ba That's All, Folks!"
It's not just Carnival. Upscale Crystal Cruises announced that this week was their top booking week for 2009, which is unheard of. For decades, the January thru March "Wave Season" was when 60-70% of people booked their trips for the year. Not now. 2009 started as a disaster, but has been picking up momentum every week. Another high-end cruise line, Silversea, announced that the week of May 26th was the largest booking week for new reservations in their 15-year history! So whether you're a Carnival client, Royal Caribbean, Princess, Holland America, Regent or Silversea, the deals are there and you're missing a golden opportunity to get back in the game, if you're just sitting on the sidelines. So I say to you now: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! Call or email me for rates and availability for a future sailing, and let's get you on vacation!
It's not just for humans anymore....
A recent article in the Agence France Presse Newspaper, quotes a journal article from researchers at the University of Whitwatersrand (South Africa) and the University of Sydney (Australia). In the journal, they reported that young male Augrabies lizards were able to avoid older predatory males, by pretending to be female and suppressing their extravagant male coloration until they are fully developed and able to fend for themselves. What does that mean in layman's terms? Young male Augrabies lizards are cross-dressing. The males-pretending-to-be-females are able to avoid attacks by other more dominant males, while increasing their own freedom to spark romance with unsuspecting females. The report goes on to say these masters-of-gender-disguise have to remain careful, because older males might still whiff their male scent, which cannot be suppressed.....even under a to-die-for cocktail dress and some exquisite pumps.
Anyone who knows me knows I'm a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy. Are you? If so, I've got JUST THE RECIPE for you! Seattle, Washington-based "Black Rock Spirits"has recently concluded a 2-year taste test on a new type of liquor, and has brought the new product to market locally. It's called Bakon Vodka. As the spelling-challenged name might suggest, this is a flavored vodka, based on the concept of meat-and-potatoes. The vodka is made from fresh Idaho russet potatoes, flavored with everyone's favorite Porky The Pig classic, bacon. The tasty aperitif is currently only available in Washington State and a few nearby locations, but orders are pouring in from New York and other areas across the country. Bar drinks are already being developed, like a New York restaurant planning to offer a delight called Pork Soda (Bakon Vodka and Coke). Others include a Bacon Bloody Mary and Bacon-Chocolate Martini. According to its website, Bakon Vodka is "a superior potato vodka with a savory bacon flavor. It's clean, crisp, and delicious."
My understanding is bartenders will no longer be able to shout out "Last call." Instead, they'll be required to say:
"A-ba-dee-a-ba-dee-a-ba-dee-a-ba That's All, Folks!"
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Prez-O, Change-O!
President Obama certainly has carved out a worldwide personality for himself. I lived through Kennedy, and this guy has more charisma if that's possible. I lived through Reagan, and thought I had seen the biggest personality and the "great peacemaker." I lived through Clinton, and thought I had seen the best politician. I lived through G.W. Bush (ok, just barely). Today, Prez-O spoke live in Cairo, trying to bring the US back to the world community, particularly the Arab world. Get past your biases and mistrust. That's what he said, and that's what I'm telling you as well. After 9/11 we all had thoughts we're not proud of, and this strong, gentle, singular man makes me proud to be an American. If you read his speech from today, I swear Abraham Lincoln would be smiling, and would proudly place that speech next to his Gettysburg Address. He promised change in the campaign, and I think everyone assumed he meant here at home. There's been some of that, to be sure...but change has been sorely needed in the International family of nations, where we have lost so much respect over the last few years. Somehow we lost our standing, and even some of our dignity. But nothing is ever completely beyond repair, and I believe strongly that Prez-O is the man to get the job done. Well played, Sir!
Dutch Treats
"A-B-C. It's easy as 1-2-3. " Wasn't it about 357 years ago Michael Jackson sang those lyrics? Seems like it to me, but they're really good lyrics to remember during Summer months. This is the time when we start watching the coast of Africa to see little blops of clouds, that can grow and turn into those big H-storms. You know the ones I'm talking about, the ones they name after women? A-B-C might be the solution to your vacation worries. I'm talking about the islands of Aruba, Bonaire (pronounced BONE-AIR), and Curacao (pronounced CURE-A-SOW). These 3 islands sit so far South in the Caribbean, in close proximity to South America, they are all-but immune to those H-storms. Although they are all Dutch territories of the Netherlands Antilles, each has its own distinct personality. Everyone knows Aruba. Some people only know Curacao as a blue liqueur, and YES it is made on the island, but Curacao is much more than that. From the pastel Bermuda-like buildings downtown, to the oceanfront market area, the excellent diving, and Dutch influences in the shops such as Delft plates and wooden shoes, Curacao paints a fascinating picture for visitors. The way Curacao is like Aruba's shadow, Bonaire is the laid-back little brother to the larger islands, sort of "Curacao Lite." It's best claim to fame is as a scuba diver's delight, and noted for its birdwatching, snorkeling and overall Jimmy Buffet style. You're not going to find Marriotts, Ritz-Carltons or the like on Bonaire. Go find yourself another island, Mon! But you could do 3 separate vacations to these unique islands, and enjoy 3 very different experiences even though they are close together and all Dutch-influenced. Getting there from Charlotte is easy stuff as well. Most of the year there are non-stop flights in and out of Aruba, and both Bonaire and Curacao can be reached with a quick, single connection. These islands are also quite popular in the Winter-time, because you're virtually guaranteed warm weather even when it's in the 50's or under in Florida.
It ain't waterboarding, but....
The District Attorney in Vilas County, Wisconsin recently announced he was seeking volunteers, for a forensic test to help his case against Douglas Plude, age 42. Mr Plude is scheduled to stand trial soon for the 2nd time in the death of his wife. The volunteers must be female, about 5-feet-8 and 140 pounds, and will have to stick their heads into a toilet bowl and have it flushed. Plude is charged with drowning his wife in a commode, but his version (which the prosecutor will try to show is improbable) is that his wife committed suicide by flushing herself. So far, the list of volunteers has been (not-surprisingly) a very short list.
Speaking of our Judicial System, I'm not sure what it would take in New Hampshire before someone screams out ENOUGH! Paul Baldwin, 49, is accused of punching someone in the face over the weekend. Baldwin told a judge Monday he plans to plead guilty to the assault, along with trespassing and alcohol charges. He said he's had a long battle with alcohol, and was trying to correct the problem during his most recent year-long jail term, which ended last week. The Daily Democrat newspaper suggested he may not be trying hard enough, pointing out that Baldwin's record dates back to 1984, and includes 152 other arrests, 8 trespass orders, 75 citations, 4 Social Security aliases and 17 name aliases. Prosecutor Rena DiLando attempted to read Baldwin's full criminal record during the arraignment, before the judge stopped her, saying "...and so on, and so forth..." Hey, New Hampshire. Your motto is Live Free Or Die, and I'm thinking this guy has lived free just about enough. Lock him up, send me the key, and I'll find a nice place near Davey Jones' Locker to drop it overboard.
Just another day at the beach? Not so much recently for a Chinese man. The un-named 30-year-old saw 5 of his colleagues involved in a tug-of-war. Wanting to be one of the gang, he took up his position at the back of one side. To stabilize himself, he wrapped the rope tightly around his wrist 4 or 5 times, then threw the loose end over his shoulder and back under his arm, while he dug deeply into the sand with his legs. The contest looked to be a tie, when suddenly a large group of people in the audience rushed out to help one side, so there'd be a winner. There was such tension pulled against him, it literally ripped the hand off his arm. "I yelled for people to stop, but my voice was not loud enough to be noticed," the man said. The competition stopped when people finally noticed the severed hand, and the resulting loss of blood from the man's injury. He was taken immediately to a hospital, where the hand was reattached in a 5-hour operation. Doctors warn it will be a few days before they know if the surgery was successful or not.
Next time I'm at the beach, I'm sticking to cold beer for my personal entertainment.
Dutch Treats
"A-B-C. It's easy as 1-2-3. " Wasn't it about 357 years ago Michael Jackson sang those lyrics? Seems like it to me, but they're really good lyrics to remember during Summer months. This is the time when we start watching the coast of Africa to see little blops of clouds, that can grow and turn into those big H-storms. You know the ones I'm talking about, the ones they name after women? A-B-C might be the solution to your vacation worries. I'm talking about the islands of Aruba, Bonaire (pronounced BONE-AIR), and Curacao (pronounced CURE-A-SOW). These 3 islands sit so far South in the Caribbean, in close proximity to South America, they are all-but immune to those H-storms. Although they are all Dutch territories of the Netherlands Antilles, each has its own distinct personality. Everyone knows Aruba. Some people only know Curacao as a blue liqueur, and YES it is made on the island, but Curacao is much more than that. From the pastel Bermuda-like buildings downtown, to the oceanfront market area, the excellent diving, and Dutch influences in the shops such as Delft plates and wooden shoes, Curacao paints a fascinating picture for visitors. The way Curacao is like Aruba's shadow, Bonaire is the laid-back little brother to the larger islands, sort of "Curacao Lite." It's best claim to fame is as a scuba diver's delight, and noted for its birdwatching, snorkeling and overall Jimmy Buffet style. You're not going to find Marriotts, Ritz-Carltons or the like on Bonaire. Go find yourself another island, Mon! But you could do 3 separate vacations to these unique islands, and enjoy 3 very different experiences even though they are close together and all Dutch-influenced. Getting there from Charlotte is easy stuff as well. Most of the year there are non-stop flights in and out of Aruba, and both Bonaire and Curacao can be reached with a quick, single connection. These islands are also quite popular in the Winter-time, because you're virtually guaranteed warm weather even when it's in the 50's or under in Florida.
It ain't waterboarding, but....
The District Attorney in Vilas County, Wisconsin recently announced he was seeking volunteers, for a forensic test to help his case against Douglas Plude, age 42. Mr Plude is scheduled to stand trial soon for the 2nd time in the death of his wife. The volunteers must be female, about 5-feet-8 and 140 pounds, and will have to stick their heads into a toilet bowl and have it flushed. Plude is charged with drowning his wife in a commode, but his version (which the prosecutor will try to show is improbable) is that his wife committed suicide by flushing herself. So far, the list of volunteers has been (not-surprisingly) a very short list.
Speaking of our Judicial System, I'm not sure what it would take in New Hampshire before someone screams out ENOUGH! Paul Baldwin, 49, is accused of punching someone in the face over the weekend. Baldwin told a judge Monday he plans to plead guilty to the assault, along with trespassing and alcohol charges. He said he's had a long battle with alcohol, and was trying to correct the problem during his most recent year-long jail term, which ended last week. The Daily Democrat newspaper suggested he may not be trying hard enough, pointing out that Baldwin's record dates back to 1984, and includes 152 other arrests, 8 trespass orders, 75 citations, 4 Social Security aliases and 17 name aliases. Prosecutor Rena DiLando attempted to read Baldwin's full criminal record during the arraignment, before the judge stopped her, saying "...and so on, and so forth..." Hey, New Hampshire. Your motto is Live Free Or Die, and I'm thinking this guy has lived free just about enough. Lock him up, send me the key, and I'll find a nice place near Davey Jones' Locker to drop it overboard.
Just another day at the beach? Not so much recently for a Chinese man. The un-named 30-year-old saw 5 of his colleagues involved in a tug-of-war. Wanting to be one of the gang, he took up his position at the back of one side. To stabilize himself, he wrapped the rope tightly around his wrist 4 or 5 times, then threw the loose end over his shoulder and back under his arm, while he dug deeply into the sand with his legs. The contest looked to be a tie, when suddenly a large group of people in the audience rushed out to help one side, so there'd be a winner. There was such tension pulled against him, it literally ripped the hand off his arm. "I yelled for people to stop, but my voice was not loud enough to be noticed," the man said. The competition stopped when people finally noticed the severed hand, and the resulting loss of blood from the man's injury. He was taken immediately to a hospital, where the hand was reattached in a 5-hour operation. Doctors warn it will be a few days before they know if the surgery was successful or not.
Next time I'm at the beach, I'm sticking to cold beer for my personal entertainment.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
