Thursday, January 29, 2009

Did Juneau? Nome, but Alaska!

The State that gave us bears, glaciers, Eskimos, Palins, and a poorly-thought-out cruise passenger head tax, is starting to squirm a little in its seat. Now that Alaska has raised taxes to exorbitant levels on visitors, and the ships that bring them, the gouging has had a whiplash effect on future plans by the cruise lines. Even this year there are fewer ships than in the past, as cruise operators are looking for destinations where they can earn a tidy profit without the additional operating expenses. Now the 2010 plans and itineraries are starting to emerge, and the capacity continues to dwindle. Royal Caribbean announced they are pulling the Serenade Of The Seas out of the Alaska market next year, reducing their capacity to just 2 ships. So what does that mean to the local economies? It's impossible to get an exact figure, but suffice it to say there will be 42,000 people NOT coming to Alaska on board Royal Caribbean ships next year. The people of Alaska had their voice, and now the cruise lines are responding with a very loud:
"Oh really?!" Be careful what you wish for, citizens of the Great White North. In what could be a related article, Alaska Air Group, Inc. posted a 4th quarter loss of more than $75 million dollars, citing fuel costs and "slower sales" among the reasons. Removing another 40K passengers from the mix by eliminating a ship adds to the bleak prospects moving forward.

Furthermore, Alaska cruise pricing could be facing another whammy. If the demand is still there, but the supply continues to be pulled (other cruise lines may follow suit), that can only mean one thing from an Economics 101 standpoint: higher prices. So higher taxes create higher prices that feed reduced capacity that feeds higher prices that....well, I think you get it. Alaska may have, to quote a hunting phrase, shot itself in the backside. Having said all that, what does that mean for people wanting to go to Alaska? Guess what - it's not 2010 yet! The booking season for 2009 Alaska cruises is in full-swing, and because we can see the handwriting on the wall, you need to get up from your computer and call us today, to book yourself on an Alaska cruise for this year. There are still some excellent values available, but they won't last long and it sounds like they may not be back in the future.

A 24-yr. old man from Everett Washington, who was already on probation for a robbery conviction, is facing new legal troubles. He's accused of using his cell phone in a restroom stall yesterday, trying to complete a sale of Oxycodone, a prescription painkiller, and other drugs. The problem is, this conversation was overheard and when the suspect emerged from the stall, he was face-to-face with a plainclothes Detective who flashed his shield and gun, before placing the man under arrest. Police Sergeant Robert Goetz says the perp "admitted trying to deal drugs and turned over his stash to the arresting officer. He was jailed for investigation of illegal drug possession, with intent to sell." So was this guy just unlucky? Not really. Wrong place at the wrong time? OH YEAH! As it turns out, the drug-deal-gone-bad was performed from a restroom stall in an Everett Washington Police Station. Talk about flushing away your future...

Carr Car - Cowabunga!

In London, the relatives of Dr. Harold Carr found an extremely rare 1937 Bugatti Type 57S Atalante, as they were going through his belongings after his death. The dusty two-seater car, unused since 1960, didn't look like much sitting in the garage in Gosforth, northern England.
Bugatti once represented the height of motoring achievement. The supercar was so ahead of its time it could go up to 130 mph when most other cars topped out about 50 mph. This particular car is even more valuable, because it was originally owned by Earl Howe, a prominent British race car driver, and because its original equipment is intact, so it can restored without relying on replacement parts. Dr. Carr, an orthopedic surgeon who died at age 89, was described by relatives as an eccentric hoarder who never threw anything out. He also left behind a beat-up Aston Martin, which was sold, and a Jaguar that was scrapped because it was in such poor condition. But the Bugatti, though dusty, was held close to original condition.

Dr. Carr's relatives figured it's an old car, it would probably clean-up pretty nicely, and they might even be able to get $50,000 for it. Upon further investigation, they found that only 17 of these cars were ever made, and this is considered the Holy Grail for car collectors. The 57S-Atalante is to be auctioned off at an event in Paris, and experts estimate the car could go for as much as $4.3 million, and possibly much more!

Drivers in Austin, Texas were in for a surprise during their morning commute, when two road signs on a busy stretch of road were taken over by hackers. The signs near the intersection of Lamar & MLK Blvd. normally warn drivers about upcoming construction, but Monday morning they said something completely unexpected:

"Zombies ahead! Run for your lives"

"I thought it was pretty funny," said University of Texas sophomore Jane Shin, who saw the signs while driving with friends Sunday night. "We wondered who did it." The City of Austin does not own the signs, but they are responsible for the message. A contractor on the construction project owns the signs. A city spokesperson said the hacked messages were only up for a few hours, until the construction project manager saw them during his morning commute and immediately ordered them to be changed back. "Even though this may seem amusing to a lot of people, this is really serious, and it is a crime," said spokesperson Sara Hartley. This crime is a class C misdemeanor in Texas, and Hartley said it endangers the public.

In a possibly-related incident, 3 people in the Austin area were eaten by Zombies yesterday, in an outlying area of the city devoid of road signs...

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Coffee, Tea or Johnnie Walker Red Label?

Airlines have not had an easy time of it since 2001, and everyone understands their efforts to stay afloat (aloft, actually). When fuel costs spiralled out of control, first came fuel supplements and higher prices. Then came checked baggage fees, which I've blogged my disapproval of previously. When will it end? Don't get your hopes up...it doesn't sound like it's any time soon. In fact, flight attendants for Spirit Airlines are unhappy with their new uniform design, which is being echoed by The Association Of Flight Attendants. As part of their new uniforms, they are being asked to serve wearing aprons that clearly and openly display brand names and logos for alcoholic beverage companies. The complaint says the uniforms send the wrong signal to passengers, make it harder for flight attendants to enforce alcohol intake and safety regulations. Deborah Crowley, president of Spirit's flight attendants' union chapter, said in a statement the airline is "turning flight attendants into walking billboards, which is unacceptable." You can just about see it now, can't you? Airplanes are soon going to be stickered to look like NASCAR racers:

This overhead bin is brought to you by T.G.I.Fridays, Pennzoil, Mattel, Glaxo-Smith-Kline and McDonald's.

Neither/Nor-o. Everyone has heard about the Norovirus, which is the nasty little strain of bug that seems to hit groups of people in an enclosed area (long plane flights, hotels, cruise ships, schools, etc). But it seems the public education programs may be paying off, telling people how the illness is spread and how to AVOID infection, by being careful and always washing your hands before every meal. Like your Mom told you to do! The CDC reports that in 2006, there were 34 confirmed Norovirus outbreaks on cruise ships. Then in 2007, the number dropped to 21. The figures for 2008 are in, and the reduction continues, with only 15 posted. Being humans, and in many cases humans that drink while on vacation, the likelihood is we'll never see a complete drop to zero of Norovirus cases. But it's promising to see people actually appear to have listened and learned. Good humans! You get a tasty people-treat, but WASH YOUR HANDS first!

You've heard the phrase "brotherly love?" A Michigan man may have taken it to the extreme. Authorities say a 24-year-old man broke into a gas station, then called 911 to report himself, claiming he wanted to go to jail so he could be with his incarcerated brother. St. Clair County Sheriff Tim Donnellon tells the Port Huron Times Herald that deputies were happy to oblige, arresting the man early Tuesday. Authorities say the call came in about 4:30 am, from inside a gas station in Capac, a village northeast of Detroit, and he made no attempt to resist the attending patrolmen. The man's name wasn't released, pending his arraignment later today.
Maybe it was to save other family members (the few who are not in the slammer) from complete embarrassment...

Man. Talk about not adhering to the spirit-of-the-moment! An Ohio firefighter has been given a six-month suspension from his role in an "incident" during President Obama's Inauguration. Video clearly shows Drum Major John Coleman giving a nod and a fleeting wave to the new President, as the Cleveland Firefighter's Memorial Pipes & Drums marched past the podium. Band leader Pipe-Major Mike Engle, said the firefighter from Cleveland Heights violated the proper decorum required in a military parade. He said all members were warned in advance, not to make such gestures during the parade. Coleman says Obama smiled and waved, and that he was just acknowledging the president. Message to Pipe-Major Mike Engle: Other than to the members of your little troupe, this seems like a horrific power-play on your part. If you want to make the man clean the bathrooms, so be it. But a 6-month suspension? Insane.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Yer up, Yer down!

A little play-on-words for Europe (Yer up) to start things off today. There is certainly good reason for most major cruise lines to leave Europe in October/November, planning to hibernate in the warmth of the Caribbean Sea until mid-April. Europe can get mighty cold, and the Northern Atlantic Ocean is not necessarily a cake-walk when it comes to smooth sailing. Yesterday, the British cruise ship "Balmoral" faced 60 mph winds and 50-foot seas. Because they service the UK and have mainly UK passengers, they're stuck with having to live with whatever weather abounds in that part of the world. And from this unfortunate event, a handful of passengers actually had to be hospitalized in Spain due to broken bones from the jolting. I'll bet those passengers wished they had invested in the airfare to fly to Miami or San Juan, to take a cruise in the 80-something degree weather and smoothness of the Caribbean Sea. There are also cruises departing from cold-weather ports in the US as well, and frankly I'm amazed at how many people are willing to shiver for a day or 2 coming and going, just so they can save on an airline ticket. Oh well, enjoy laying on the Lido Deck in your longjohns and down parka!

I saw a report on USAToday.com, that tourism in South Dakota for calendar-year 2008 was up by 2.8%. A National poll was taken, and it was discovered that as many as 6 people cared. You have to wonder what passes for news sometimes...

Who Dat on the corner? Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
No - it's Carl!


They are either civic-minded folks or people with image issues, but in several dozen cities across the USA there are men (and a few women) who dress in homemade superhero costumes at night, patrolling questionable neighborhoods to deter crime. Seriously. Phoenix has The Green Scorpion. New York City is home to Terrifica, while Orlando's Master Legend and Indianapolis' Mr. Silent are just a few of the 200 gunless, knifeless vigilantes listed on The World Superhero Registry. If you're like me, you sleep better at night just knowing such a registry exists. Most of these Mighty Mice presumably have day jobs, but they see themselves cleaning up the mean streets at night. According to two recent reports, in Rolling Stone magazine and The Times newspaper of London, these "Reals" as they call themselves seem to share a couple of major complaints. They're nearly all bored from a lack of crime, and during the summer they tend to get skin irritations from their itchy spandex outfits. Maybe it's harder to track down savvy criminals dressed in a San Diego Chicken outfit than originally thought. I mean, think about it. Say you're a criminal. You're in San Quentin and your cellmate asks if you were taken down by the FBI or a Homeland Security Task Force. You hang your head a little, and whisper, "No, it was those 2 do-gooders, Burnt Marshmallow Girl and The Plaid Pilgrim." Your street cred will never be the same, Homes.

In case you think I'm kidding, here's a link to a Rolling Stone article on Master Legend and his sidekick, Ace: http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/25020634/the_legend_of_master_legend
And another from New York magazine on Terrifica:
http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/people/columns/intelligencer/10359/

Here's one from the BBC News, in a similar vein. Torvald Alexander, 39, was leaving his house December 31st in Edinburgh, Scotland, heading for a New Year's costume party. According to the report, as he was preparing to leave he came face to face with another man, who was just in the process of breaking in to his home. It turns out Mr. Alexander was garbed in his full regalia of the evening for the party, dressed as Thor, the hammer-wielding Norse god of thunder! He had on a Viking helmet, breastplate and was carrying a huge hammer. Alexander said the burglar took one look at him, turned, jumped out the window, slid down a sloped roof and landed on the ground, where he took off running.

Monday, January 26, 2009

"You got mud on your face..."

Although you might think I'm singing We Will Rock You by Queen, I'm actually talking about something new from Carnival Cruise Lines. Just today, they announced they will allow guests to pre-book Spa treatments, which is an industry first. Here's a link to the story: http://www.usatoday.com/travel/cruises/item.aspx?type=blog&ak=61919764.blog. Although it does require payment up-front (refundable if you cancel the cruise), that's a small price to pay for the convenience of this new option. People who tend to book spa treatments are those who appreciate pampering anyway, and they'll definitely give a kelp-wrapped thumbs-up to Carnival on this one.

Must-Fly/Must-See TV: On March 1, 2009 American Airlines will debut a new in-flight video provider, NBC and its affiliates. In the past, they've used CBS, but are switching to NBC Universal for video news, information and entertainment programming. NBC Universal will produce four exclusive 90-minute programs each month for American, featuring content from NBC, USA, Bravo, Sci Fi, MSNBC and CNBC. The programs will also include films from Universal Pictures and shows from NBC News, NBC Sports and other NBC Universal divisions. All this, after you had just said to yourself, "I guess the only place to escape Keith Olbermann is at 30,000 feet!

Billy....reporting for duty, Sir! As the old song goes, South Side of Chicago is the baddest part of town. Apparently so bad, some people can't wait to join the force. Police spokesperson Monique Bond said a male in full police uniform entered a South Side police station last week, asking where he should report for duty. The Desk Sergeant didn't recognize the person initially, so he started checking further before assigning him to patrol. It turns out, the person was not a licensed Officer Of The Law....yet. He was part of a youth program, for boys interested in police work. The pseudo-cop turned out to be just 14 years old, and he was cited as a juvenile for impersonating a police officer, and remanded into the custody of his parents. Ms. Bond also wanted to point out to the public that the un-named Future-Five-Oh was neither armed, nor had he ever been behind the wheel of a cruiser.

Pick Three. Pick 'Em Again! Suddenly, I hear Phil Collins singing "Against All Odds" in my head, but it's official: Last Monday, the winning Pick Three numbers in the Nebraska Lottery were 1, 9 and 6. Tuesday night, they held the drawing again just like they do every day. The winning numbers? 1, 9 and 6. Lottery spokesman Brian Rockey says two separate computers randomly generated the exact same numbers, in the exact same combination for both night's drawings. I'm sure you're asking, as I did, "What are the chances of THAT?" One in a million. Mr. Rockey says the one person won the game's top prize of $600 Monday failed to pick the same 3 numbers the following night. Three other people, however, won on Tuesday. Three in a million...

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Tip-Top Tips!

I never thought I'd see the day I actually AGREED with a travel section article completely, but USAToday.com's "Tips For Cruising On A Budget" is the closest thing to right-on I've seen. Here's a link: http://www.usatoday.com/travel/cruises/2009-01-23-cruising-on-a-budget_N.htm . Loyal readers know I have a pet peeve about people who use more than 2 names, or feel the need to use middle initials, but I'm going to give a pass to Ms. Beth J. Harpaz on this one. I still don't get the reason or perceived advantage of using the J., but Ms. Beth: you did a very nice job in covering the bases in your column.

For the 4th year in a row, the FAA has proclaimed Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson airport as the Nation's busiest. That's certainly because it is Delta's main hub, and Delta continues to get bigger even as it's losing money. Yeah, that's the same fuzzy math that allows us bailer-outers to give billions to lousy banks, who then use a line from "Oliver": May I have some more? It amazes me how scientists have been talking about theoretical-black-holes in Space for years, when in fact we have a black hole are right here in the USA (ask your Congressman). It's where money goes to die. Anyway, this past week, Delta has threatened Atlanta Hartsfield-Jackson with pulling out entirely, if plans to raise taxes and fees continue unabated. Delta feels they are being gouged on their runway fees, docking charges etc., and in effect they're saying "Hey airport - remember you got this big in the first place thanks almost solely to Delta Airlines. You may want to take out a Thesaurus and look up the term BITING THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU!"

Price check on Aisle 6!

A Wal-Mart employee in Mississippi has been charged with embezzlement, after allegedly ringing up a sale just a tad below the actual merchandise price. Natchez Police Chief Mike Mullins said a 20-year-old cashier was arrested Thursday, along with a 22-year-old customer who happened to be a friend of the girl. Chief Mullins said the cashier charged the customer a total of $5.25 for seven pairs of jeans, a baby crib, a pair of scrubs, a picture frame, sweat suit, laundry detergent, a bra, four pairs of pants, diapers, pizza, coffee, four 12-packs of drinks, canned goods, air freshener, nachos, noodles, frozen goods, chips and a family pack of beef. The total for the merchandise SHOULD have been $547.50. Mullins said the two women were being held Friday without bond, pending an initial court appearance. You know, I'm an honest 'ol Seafarer, but if I were going to pull some kind of shenanigans like this, it would have gone a little differently. I may have left off the air freshener, noodles, laundry detergent and chips, and had my pal ring up 5 High Def TV's, a couple dozen computers, 3 or 4 hot tubs, a cartful of GPS devices and MP3 players, that kind of thing. If I'm gonna do the time, I'm gonna do the crime!

Gimme that 'Ol Black Magic.... One of Nigeria's largest daily newspapers reported that police have an unusual suspect in an attempted automobile theft there. Friday, there was a front-page article in The Vanguard newspaper, saying that two men tried to steal a Mazda car this past Wednesday in Kwara State, a nearby township area. After vigilantes thought they had cornered the pair, it became evident that one suspect had escaped, but the other had cleverly transformed himself into a goat! The Vanguard quoted Police Detective Tunde Mohammed as acknowledging that one individual had escaped, but the man/goat had been apprehended. Police even paraded the goat before journalists, and published a picture of the alleged suspect-turned-animal. Belief in black magic is widespread in Nigeria, particularly in far-flung rural areas. And you thought WE had open-minded cops. These guys are good...

Friday, January 23, 2009

Happy Chinese New Year!

OK, so it's not until Monday the 26th, but Mondays are busy in the travel biz, and I may not get a chance to blog that day! So welcome one and all, to the Year Of The Ox. One of the main celebratory points with the Chinese New Year (it will be the year 4707 by the way, not 2009), is that it be spent with friends and family, enjoying food. See? That's the difference! Our New Year is celebrated by being with strangers and weirdos, enjoying mass quantities of liquor. Ancient American Secret: Ours sounds like more fun! Still, there is something to be said for both cultures, and the idea of food, friends and family sounds more like Chinese Thanksgiving. Except there's no turkey. Their New Year fare is more of chicken or fish, dumplings and pineapple, spring rolls, and a sticky rice pudding cake. I'm more partial to turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry, green beans and a big slice of mince pie with Cool Whip. I'm guessing they didn't have Cool Whip 4707 years ago, so they had to make do. Since the Ox is assumed to be female, it is also known in some circles as the Year Of The Cow. Being an Earth-sign in the Chinese Zodiac, that means she is also brown. We Americans prefer our sayings and symbols to rhyme, though, so you'd never hear anyone say "How now, brown Ox?"

What's new in Hawaii these days? How about this tour: Roughly 3 miles from Waikiki beach, a mini-bus full of tourists pulls up to a small, blue duplex built on what was once an ostrich farm for Hawaiian royalty. The driver points, and announces "On your left, ladies and gentleman, is the former residence of Barrack Obama's Kenyan father, and it is not out of the question this is where our 44th President was conceived." Yes, it's the local-man-makes-good story all over again, and the tourism industry is milking it for all they've got. Particularly with as hard-hit as the sightseeing and leisure travel market has been over there. But for people interested in all phases of history, it's a neat new addition to the standard Pearl Harbor and Dole Pineapple tours that have flourished for decades. Not much is truly new in Hawaii but this adds a new wrinkle.

SLOW NEWS DAY, small-town-style. A 39-yr. old Iowa woman has been arrested - not for what she did, but what she didn't do. Shelly Koontz was arrested Thursday night, on a fifth-degree theft charge. By the way, did anyone out there know there were at least 5 degrees of theft? 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon of course, but what are the 5 theft levels?

1) Stealing something really, REALLY valuable

2) Stealing something kind of valuable


3) Stealing something that people might actually give you a nickel for


4) Stealing your nephew's used, leaking "Whoopee Cushion" he bought last summer at the Joke and Magic Shop


5) Stealing ANYTHING in Iowa

Anyway, the story claims Ms. Koontz checked out "The Freedom Writers Diary" from the public library in nearby Jesup, Iowa last April. Police say the book, which is about a high school teacher's effort to inspire students to write, had a street value of $13.95. Court records cite witness testimony, that library employees tried repeatedly to contact Ms. Koontz by phone and mail, asking her to please return the book. A police officer even visited her home. Officials at the Buchanan County jail say Koontz was released after posting $250 bond, and a trial date has been set for this heinous crime. I'm expecting to see Nancy Grace do at least 3-4 months on this demon-of-a-woman, and I think we all feel safer knowing she's off the street. No, she's not in jail. She's just in her living room. You know, off the street...

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Mexican Pace - Oh!!

Manana. It's a well-known, laid-back Spanish word for "later" or "tomorrow" or "leave me alone, you silly Gringo." What it represents, however, is a fabulous place to relax at a bargain price. The pace in Mexico is much slower than in the US, and right now the Mexican Peso (thus the title play-on-words) is near an all-time low. Considering Mexico is home to some of the most elegant all-inclusive hotels around, particularly comparing to Caribbean standards, it's a great time to visit our friends South of the Border. Although the economy is stale here in the US, and most travel is down 30-40%, Mexico actually had an increase for 2008. Granted we're talking a 3% increase overall, but who's going to argue with success in the midst of a world-wide economic downturn?!

Some Mexican hotels have gone even further with the idea of all-inclusive. As an example, the Palace Hotels figure SURE you want your meals, drinks and gratuities built in. But you're also coming to Mexico to experience the culture, and the world-class sightseeing of its historic past. For that reason, they also include numerous tours when you book a stay with them. The longer you stay, the more tours are included and we're not talking about a 2-hour shopping jaunt. They include such things as a full-day excursion to the Mayan ruins at Chichen Itza, home of the Great Pyramid (recently named one of the 7 Wonders Of The World), for visitors in the Cancun or Mayan Riviera area. Or, you could take an excursion to the island of Isla Mujeres. There are other ruins tours, such as Coba or Tulum, or you may elect to take a day of snorkeling. If you're on the West Coast in Puerto Vallarta, you may opt to take a Sunset Cruise, or visit the Sea Life Park. Again, these are INCLUDED with your stay! They have other optional trips, which are available for purchase, still at excellent value prices. If you want something exotic like swimming with the dolphins or horseback riding, they can arrange it for a fee. But your US Dollar goes a very long way in Mexico, and comparatively it's one of the best travel bargains in the last decade. Grab your suitcase and call us now!

"If you build it, they will trade you for it." An upstate New York man apparently was still hungry for seafood after he finished his lobster dinner, so he devised a plan. He took the lobster shell, put it back together and re-built it to look as it had before his meal. Montgomery County Sheriff's deputies said the 57-year-old man brought back the re-assembled lobster to his local Price Chopper store, claiming the crustacean smelled spoiled. The store manager was about to let him trade the lobster for a $27 bag of king crab legs, when he became suspicious and discovered the lobster was just a previously-eaten shell. Deputies said the man ran from the store clutching the crab legs when he was confronted by the Manager. They had his home information from the sales receipt he dropped, but by the time Deputies arrived at his home, the man had already devoured the crab legs. He was given a court appearance ticket, where he will have to answer to a larceny charge in court.

Italian customs police have arrested five people on drug smuggling charges, including two Brazilians whose method was quite unusual. They attempted to bring in $10.4 million dollars worth of cocaine, hidden not-so-discretely in their suitcases. Police at Rome's Leonardo da Vinci airport said Tuesday they seized 33 pounds of the drug mixed in with fresh meat. Police Lt. Giuseppe di Stasio said officers became suspicious, when they opened the suitcases of the Brazilian man and woman, only to find packages of red meat inside. It was clear something was a-miss, and further inspection showed packets of cocaine hidden between the meat slices.

DUDE -- I don't know if it's just the munchies or what, but these burgers are AWESOME!!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Thelma and Louis?

Once again, there is news about people somehow failing to remain on board a ship the size of three football fields, and going into the water. This time on the West Coast, aboard Carnival Paradise. What makes this story uniquely STRANGE is it was not one person, but two. A married couple. Even more bizarre was their ages, 90 and 79. The did not disembark the ship when it returned to Los Angeles. When crewmembers tried to contact them, they found the balcony stateroom still had a Do Not Disturb sign on the door, and had been double-locked from the inside. All the couples' belongings appeared to be intact. The door to the balcony was unlocked, though not open. No one knows the details at this point, but the US Coast Guard gave up a search after 30 hours. They said the water temperature of 57 degrees would have only sustained life 4-5 hours maximum anyway. Most people are thinking less about an evil deed and suicide, and maybe it's just a romantic notion but observers think it could be a "hearts must go on" moment, a la the Titanic. It might sound romantic, but the reality is there is no director there to yell "CUT!", or team of rescue divers to pull them out for a happy ending. Having witnessed the power and unforgiving nature of the ocean for decades, I will not play the romantic here. That's a miserable idea and one hell of a way to leave this world. Let's all hope people come to their senses and the legacy of jumpers and fallers from cruise ships is a short one.

Genetic modification sounds like frighteningly-complicated laboratory work, but amateurs are routinely doing it in garages and dining rooms all across the country, according to a recent Associated Press report. Hobbyists (some who have termed themselves "biohackers") are busy creating new life forms and someday, observers say, may turn up a cure for cancer or an accidental environmental catastrophe. The community lab DIYbio in Cambridge, Mass., has patrons who typically work on vaccines and biofuels, but in their spare time they'll do things like whimsically try to create tattoos that glow. One amateur bought jellyfish DNA containing a green fluorescent protein (for about $100), and built a DNA analyzer (less than $25) so she could alter yogurt bacteria to glow green, when it detects melamine. If you recall, that's the substance recently discovered in Chinese baby formula and pet food. Yeah, for heaven's sake let's don't eat any melamine, but green fluorescent jellyfish protein sounds DELISH!
"Igor: this day-glo orange salamander puddin' is wonderful. What's the secret ingredient? Spent radium isotope?"

Shades of The Cincinnati Kid again! Jessica Cohen, 20, was arrested in Cincinnati in December, on a theft charge. Claiming she could not afford a lawyer, she was sent to the Public Defender's Office, to seek a lawyer to represent her on the theft charge. While there, according to police, the sticky-fingered Ms. Cohen stole an employee's cell phone and fled. Unfortunately for Miss Jessie, she had already filled out paperwork giving her actual name and address. I'm guessing there was a place on the form for a telephone number, to which she easily could have written in "Yours, thank you very much!" Now she's facing 2 theft charges, represented by a ticked-off attorney. She may want to consult her Magic 8-Ball to ask if she's going to spend her entire adult life in the slammer:
Reply hazy, try again later.

This will give a warm-and-fuzzy feeling to people who are already anxious fliers. In December, a Flybe Airline flight from Cardiff, Wales was preparing to land at Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris. Just before final approach, the pilot came on the speaker system, announcing the plane would be returning to Wales because of heavy fog on the ground in Paris. "Unfortunately, I will not be able to land the plane in Paris as scheduled. Because of heavy fog, we would have to do an instrument-landing, and I have not yet completed my certification for that. So we're going back."

Willie Windsor, age 54 of Phoenix has for several years lived as a full-time baby, wearing frilly dresses, diapers and bonnets, sucking on a pacifier, eating Gerber cuisine and habitually clutching a rag doll, in a home filled with oversized baby furniture. According to a Phoenix New Times newspaper profile, the diaper is not just a prop. Apparently Windsor's brother, ex-wife, and neighbors tolerate his lifestyle. Windsor is a semi-retired singer-actor and said he's been celibate for nine years. Gee, Willie...celibate for nine years, eh? Hard to believe no woman has seen beyond the pacifier to your true hunkiness. Quoth The Big Bopper: "Hellll-ooo BAAA-BY!"

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Put Some Clothes On!

It all started with Bugsy Siegel - Dateline: 1946. In the middle of a scorching desert, not far from Hellacious places like Death Valley, a concept was born. Cheap land, flimsy or non-existent laws, and this gangster thought: "What a great place to build an entertainment empire, based on gambling, drinking, and less-than-reputable ladies." As the sign has said all these years, WELCOME TO LAS VEGAS. Once Vegas was built, there had to be a draw created, and the concept was built on ultra-cheap food and lodging, free-flowing liquor, famous entertainers, topless showgirls, and 24-hour-a-day gambling action. Oh, the lights. Vegas was truly the city that never slept, and that concept has remained until today.

So let's review, to see after 63 years how much has changed. Ultra-cheap food and lodging? Not like the old days, but bargain hunters can still do much better in Las Vegas than just about any other resort area on the planet. Free-flowing liquor? Check. Famous entertainers? Check. 24-hour action? Check check check. Topless showgirls? Well, maybe what was exciting in 1946 has failed to hold the test of time. Unless you're a 15-year old, and even then probably not. After almost 5 decades at the Tropicana Hotel & Casino, the "Les Folies Bergere" is hanging up its feathers on March. 28th. Folies had been the longest-running old-style revue in Vegas, and the draw simply isn't there for that kind of thing. Not that Vegas has gone conservative, but those kind of showgirl productions have fallen out of favor in recent years. People who are laying out $60, $80, $100 or more per ticket want world-class showmanship, not strutting. The emergence of Cirque du Soleil has created a dominant species of new shows. Thrills, acrobatics, grand scope, and light and sound are the new draws. Also, productions from Broadway have made their mark on Las Vegas as well. The original play "Stomp" has led to a spin-off called "Stomp Out Loud" at Planet Hollywood, which is a kicked-up version in sweeping scale. I saw the show last year and before going in, was wondering if it would be my cup of tea. That notion was settled in about 2 minutes, and everyone in the theater was giving standing O's by the end. Even though there was history behind Folies Bergere (it was brought over from Paris in 1959 by then-Tropicana entertainment director Lou Walters, who happens to be Barbara Walters's father), it takes more than topless feather-bearers to ignite a crowd these days. As the old saying goes, you've seen one, you've seen them both...

This morning, I was reading the Travel section, and saw an article from Southern Living Magazine about what a great idea it is taking teenagers on a cruise. Agreed! There is so much going on, and always groups of others in that age range to meet and hang with, it's an experience they'll never forget. But I have to wonder about travel writers sometimes (present company excluded, of course). They'll be going along at a nice clip, giving people sage advice, and then something totally absurd falls out of their mouths that makes me question their credentials, other than a B+ in a Creative Writing class at Northwestern. I'll give you a link to the story on CNN, then my take:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/TRAVEL/getaways/01/16/family.cruise/index.html

Overall, B+ on the writing and content by CarolAnne Griffith Roberts, whoever she is. I've never been one to trust people who feel the need to cart around more than 2 names, anyway. Cap'n Bob. Normal. John Doe. Normal. John Q. Public? Pretentious! Who gives a pickle about the "Q" there, John? So what if I was to make myself "Captain Griffith Bob?" Yeah, makes me sound like a dork doesn't it? Just one of my many pet peeves, but let's get back to the cruise critique. She does a nice enough job talking about the activities, and then out-of-the-blue says "Pick a 3 or 4 day sail in the Caribbean for best results." Dear dear. Ms. C.A.G.R. you are wildly mistaken, I must tell you. First of all, you can't get to the Caribbean in 3 days (ships move through the water at a speed called knots, but in perspective imagine a top speed of about 20-22 mph if you're thinking in car terms). There's a big 'ol strip of land called Cuba that blocks the Caribbean Sea from the United States, and 3 days is all but impossible. You can visit the Bahamas, but you're in the Atlantic Ocean, not the Caribbean. Misconception! In 4 days, if you blast away at top speed all the way there, making only 1 stop, you can cruise to Cozumel Mexico, which is barely into the Caribbean...sort of a tweener area where the Gulf Of Mexico stops and the Caribbean Sea starts. But that's been a marketing ploy of cruise lines for years, to make you assume that anything with a palm tree and people who speak with a bit of an accent means Caribbean. So Ms. C.A.G.R. is iffy at best on that part of it. Now read the article and see where it talks about the multitude of activities for teens. And all the new friends. The laughter. The thrill and yes, even romance. Does that sound like something your teenager wants to experience for about 48 hours, then pack up to go back home to Milwaukee? Trust The Cap'n, your kid is thinking more about "How can I stay here the rest of my life, and ditch the parents?" My professional AND personal opinion is every family should take a week-long cruise. You'll get more ports of call, more family time to enjoy around the dinner table, you actually WILL get to see the beautiful water of the Caribbean Sea, and your teens or even younger kids will be forever grateful. It's quite possible they'll make life-long friends and pen-pals. And from an intrinsic viewpoint, you'll find it more comfortable for yourself as well! Today's cruise ships are longer than 3 football fields, and a dozen or more stories tall. They're floating cities. That's another reason I never suggest 3 day cruises to anyone. When you get on a new mega-liner, it will take you at least a day or day-and-a-half just to get the feel of where everything is. You'll start to hit your stride knowing whether you're walking towards the front or back of the ship. You'll find shortcuts. You'll discover a quiet reading nook or a perfect place to put a sun-chair. But if you're only there 3 days, and at least one of those days is spent walking around the straw market in the Bahamas, you can expect to feel lost and un-appreciated for your entire cruise. You've got the week vacation. Take the family! Make it a life-long memory, not a frazzled weekend.

I read the following story from the Associated Press, and the first thing that popped in my head was "This woman - was she wearing CLOWN pants????"

Authorities are looking for a shoplifter, who is accused of stealing $1,200 worth of designer purses from a Cape Coral, Florida store. A security guard at the Cape Coral T.J. Maxx told police she saw a woman stuff six designer Dooney & Bourke purses into her pants Tuesday morning, and walked out of the store. The guard followed her outside and was confronting the woman, when a car came whizzing up along side the perp. The report said the shoplifter tried to get into the vehicle, but fell out and was run over by the car. She then got up and jumped onto the hood of the car to try to escape. As the car began driving away at high speed, the woman lost her balance, fell off, and was run over again! On her third attempt, she finally made it into the vehicle. Police are using the car's license plate and a check the woman dropped to track her down. I can see the Ebay ad now:

Slightly-used Dooney & Bourke handbags, lightly crushed, with only a few small blood-stains and moderate skid-mark damage, now 50% off. As-is. All sales final...

Friday, January 16, 2009

Note to "W": Don't let the door, well....you know....

America has had all they can stands, and they can't stands no more! Last night Bushy gave his farewell to arms address, and it's being reported that besides his direct family, and media members who were ordered to cover the event, 3 people watched his buh-bye. Maybe 4, but I'm hearing that one of the "viewers" was also playing Spades on the internet at the same time, so you can't count him. With approval ratings that have plunged off the deep end of the charts, it's not surprising everyone is ready to move on and start fresh with a new Prez. All the talk now is focused on The Inauguration, and it hasn't had this kind of an up-tick since Kennedy. I like it. It feels like a combination of hope, anticipation, with a little bit of "Heck, after Bush how bad can this guy be?" thrown in for taste. Personally, it feels historic and uplifting to me, and I'll be grateful if the only place I have to see the name BUSH over the next 20 years is a on can of baked beans.

Early word has it that Caribbean destination weddings are still running as strongly in 2009 as they have in the past. Some travel has tapered off due to the economy, but people are still getting married, and compared to weddings in the US the Caribbean all-inclusive packages are still a tremendous bargain. Not all islands or destinations offer this service, but we know the ones that are most accessible and offer the best bang for the buck. Contact Mann Travels for more info. Heck, you can even call an old bachelor like me.

DEFACE the nation?

Authorities in the northern Mexico town of Guadelupe, near Monterey, have had about enough of gangs spray painting everything in sight, proclaiming it as "art." It's destruction of property. It's vandalism. It's defacing. Now, a few of the officers face suspension for taking matters into their own hands. Or should I say fingers? Emilio Alafaro of "Nuevo Leon" (the state's Human Rights Commission) said Thursday that four teenagers have filed a complaint, alleging that police officers spray painted their hair, shoes, and buttocks to teach them what it felt like to experience graffiti up-close-and-personal, after catching them in the act. If it had stopped right there, I'd be out of my chair cheering for the cops, giving these vandals a taste of rough justice. The allegation went on, though, to say the police officers also slapped and kicked the youths, who were all between 14 and 16 years of age. They presented paint-stained shoes and photos of their painted heads as evidence. Photos of the you-know-whatsits remained sealed. The youths were fined more than $200 before being released on Tuesday, and although I can't condone the slapping/kicking part (if true), you have to get a little Biblical with "spare the rod" sometimes. My guess is the 4 amigos will likely be seen bowling or doing some other activity now, long before they reach for another can of red or green Krylon.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Manhattan Miracle

Today there was a near-tragedy in New York, when USAirways flight 1549 was leaving LaGuardia airport headed towards my hometown, Charlotte NC. Apparently a flock of geese hit the plane's engines on takeoff, and somehow this TRUE HERO of a pilot managed to guide the aircraft into the Hudson river, after losing complete power. There were 150 people on board, and by the time the Coast Guard and other vessels in the area arrived, passengers were climbing out of the exits. They did so in as orderly a manner as possible, seeming to avoid the chaos and panic that could have made matters dramatically worse.
Final tally: Hudson river 0, God 150. Congratulations to the excellent pilot and crew, and although I'm sure the passengers had some devastating moments, congratulations to those very fortunate people as well. You can always replace your clothing and suitcases. Survival of all on board was truly a miracle.

Royal Caribbean has had a Vitality At Sea program for years, where passengers sign up for strenuous exercise and fitness programs, earning onboard "rewards" and freebies. The economy is the BIGGEST LOSER as we all know, and the cruise line just announced it is discontinuing the heart-healthy program, looking for more ways to create onboard revenue and reduce freebies such as this. It's a sign of our times, but as a long-time cruiser I have to say it's a sad sign. People miss the perks they used to get on cruise ships. For free. It's human nature, and I miss them too. I find it disappointing that senior executives of most cruise lines seem to have forgotten their heritage, and what made cruising popular in the first place. The fact is, people see bottles of liquor sold in St. Thomas for $6 a quart, and when they get back to the ship and order a cocktail, they're charged $7 an ounce. Hmmm. Any PROFIT built in there? Attention non-math-majors: 32 ounces in a quart. Go ahead, get your calculator....I'll wait.

Procrastination. You probably know someone who excels at it. Maybe it's even you! Well, here's a procrastinator's nightmare. The Lexington Kentucky Herald-Leader newspaper reports that a man recently walked into a particular building, showed a gun and demanded money in an attempt to rob a bank. Only problem was, he had waited too long. The robber yelled to the employees to hurry up and fill sacks with money. Then one of the employees attempted to explain to him they didn't have any. The confused would-be robber said "Don't mess with me - I KNOW you have money. This is a bank for heaven's sake!" The workers had to correct him. It seems the Jessamine South Elkhorn Water District had moved its offices into what was formerly a branch of the Farmers Bank. City police spokesman Scott Harvey explained that the exasperated felon finally put his gun away, and left with nothing. Note to self: once you case a joint, you may want to pull your caper within, oh I don't know....a year to two.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Top 10 Lists

On CNN and USAToday, they have people employed as travel writers to maintain a section, and they sometimes get caught up in the "slow news day" syndrome. Whenever that happens, you can bet they'll be reporting about some new Top 10 list for travel. Top 10 places to roller skate with a kangaroo, that sort of thing. Today I noticed Budget Travel has a 2009 Top 10 destination section. Included are places like Austin Texas (huh?). Don't get me wrong, I'm from Dallas originally and Austin is a cool little city and has some great blues clubs and barbecue. But Top 10 destination material might just raise an eyebrow or three. They mentioned the US Dollar goes further in Hungary and Iceland than it used to. Yep. I'm sure that's true, but it costs a wee dollar or two to get there, so the savings could be counter-balanced by flight expenditure. But I'm not complaining, at least those sound more like Top 10 travel site material than lil' old Austin TX. Washington DC made the list, which is sensible with the plethora of sightseeing opportunities, museums, etc. So did Hawaii, which I've touted in previous blogs as having more bargains than usual and of course "no passport required." Other places making the list were Berlin Germany, since it's the 20th anniversary of the Berlin Wall coming down, Vancouver Canada which will play host to the 2010 winter Olympics, and just about anywhere in Mexico. Overall, not a bad list, and of course Mann Travels can help you get to these or any other destinations of choice.

NKOB. No, I didn't mis-spell "knob", it's a rumor that surfaced on USAToday's travel section, about a New Kids On The Block theme cruise to the Bahamas in May. No details are out yet, but that sure seems like a stretch to me. I thought they were trying to keep people from jumping overboard these days, not encourage it....

A Pennsylvania couple is behind bars after police say they failed to call their bank, when a computer glitch accidentally put an extra $175,000 in their account. Authorities say 50-year-old Randy Pratt and 36-year-old Melissa Pratt instead withdrew the money, quit their jobs and moved to Florida. They were buying a house in the Orlando area when the mistake was discovered and traced. The two were arraigned and jailed Tuesday, on theft and other charges. Bail was set at $100,000. Seems the Pratts made a deposit last summer, a check for $1,772.50 which showed up in their FNB Bank account as $177,250 due to a typing error. Police say Mrs. Pratt indicated to them that her husband, a roofing installer, often got large checks for his work, and she simply wasn't aware of any error. Yeah, I'm thinking she might have noticed if the memo section of the check said something like "for services rendered, to put a roof over the entire state of Delaware."

You talkin' to me? You talkin' to ME?? A 26-year-old man and his father were arrested by an off-duty Muncie Indiana police officer, after the man cut in line at Wal-Mart. The police report said Edward R. Pluhar Jr., of Frankfort, cut to the front of the line at the Wal-Mart service desk on Sunday. What he didn't know was that in line ahead of him was off-duty Officer Chris Kirby. Kirby asked Mr. Pluhar to wait his turn, and he refused. Then Pluhar's father, 61-year-old Edward R. Pluhar Sr., asked Kirby if he wanted to step outside. That's when Kirby identified himself as a police officer, and explained that offering to fight could bring the men up on charges. Apparently the Wal-Mart employees kept serving the Pluhars, just trying to get them out of the way quickly, and when Kirby went out to the parking lot after his transaction, the Pluhar gents followed him into the parking lot, where they scuffled. Other officers arrived on the scene and the Pluhars were both arrested. It's one thing to be rude. It's quite another to knowingly assault a police officer to prove your manhood. I hope they were at least able to swap out that George Foreman grill so the trip wasn't a complete waste!

Interesting Divorce Court ruling from the Palm Beach Post in Florida....By a 2-1 vote, a Florida appeals court ruled that Andrew Craissati could stop paying alimony to his ex-wife. The couple's agreement called for alimony only until the wife either remarried, or was "cohabiting" with another person for at least three months. The fast-thinking Mr. Craissati pointed out to a judge that his ex-wife, recently convicted of a serious DUI offense, is now "cohabiting" with a cellmate in prison. At 3 months and 1 day, the Court ruled in his favor. Now there's a Perry Mason moment if I ever heard one!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Monkey See, Cruiser Do

Today we got another report of a man overboard, this time in the South Pacific off the coast of Vanuatu (famous from the Survivor episodes filmed there). Thank heaven, the media has now started calling them JUMPERS instead of insinuating people are accidentally falling overboard all the time. This particular 22-year old chap was on a P&O ship, and reports are that he and friends were seen partying heavily, before he leaped over the railing into the water. Lucky for him, the ship made an immediate turn, and within 45 minutes he was rescued and in perfect health. Even luckier, the Great White Sharks in the area are either really slow swimmers, or had a sinus infection and didn't pick up his scent...or maybe they just don't like the smell of cheap Bourbon. It's hard to tell, but this is a frustrating side of cruising that can't go away quickly enough, in my opinion.

Sorry I've been too busy to write the last few days, but January and February are the "Super Bowl" of booking in the travel business. Every human on the planet has just found out their vacation schedule for the year after January 1st, and the crush is on to get something booked. It's a phenomenon known as Wave Season (historically because of the large number of cruise requests), though we are seeing just as many people booking all-inclusive trips these days. Although the economy has hit the quick-getaway traveler, the people who go for a week or more are still booking like nothing has happened. That's good for our business, and with some of the excellent deals out there right now, you too can take advantage. In the stock market, it's BUY LOW, SELL HIGH. Right now it's TRAVEL LOW. Believe me, when the economy starts to boom again, all these vendors are going to raise their rates to not only make a profit again, but try to recoup some of what they lost. That means if you can travel now, the world is your oyster. I never understood that saying, since I don't like oysters. How about the world is your jelly-doughnut (thank you, Elvis). Or the world is your double-fudge brownie. Whatever YOUR world is, call me and let's get you booked to go visit more of it!!

Recently, the Georgia Department of Natural Resources was seeking approximately 75 volunteers, to be trained in the fine art of frog listening. Huh? Apparently Georgia has an annual frog survey, and they were having difficulty completing the task. It turns out the state has 31 different frog species, each with a distinctive ribbit and/or croak. The surveyors, after practicing detection to be able to identify all 31, would monitor frog habitats to help officials measure population trends. Gee. You mean they were having trouble finding VOLUNTEERS for this? Maybe if it's that important, you might want to offer some cold hard cash. Even then, locating 75 people who have what I like to call "no life" will be difficult. Make it a 6-figure job, instead of a 31-frogger volunteer program, and just maybe you'll get people to Kermit (commit - get it?).

And you think WE'RE tough on crime? Canadian citizen Robert Christianson, 64, was arrested recently, upon his arrival at Tampa International Airport. His name came up on an international criminal watch-list, and he was held and bound over on two arrest warrants issued by Canadian customs officials. When I first read this, I thought WOW - sounds like this guy needs to be off the street, and I feel safer knowing he's in custody. Then I read further about what Christianson was being sought for, back in Canada:

1) Allowing his dog to run at large.
2) Having no valid license tag for his dog.

There were international rumors floating that he might be wanted for the trifecta, the 3rd part being "Failure to scoop le poop", but as of this writing it cannot be substantiated.

A suburban Chicago couple really believes it's never too late for love. Dorothy Taylor, 84, and Duane Williams, 82, were married Saturday at a Tinley Park independent living center, after what family members describe as a "whirlwind" courtship. The two have been friends and bridge partners for about a year, but the romance started to bloom around Christmas, according to 84-year-old best man Walter Urbanik. That was when Williams got the nerve to kiss Taylor. The two decided to marry within a week. "When you're 84 and 82, you don't need a long engagement," Duane said. He was never an impulsive man, but was inspired by "the spark of love," said his son Tom Williams. Taylor wore a light brown satin gown with a jacket, and was walked down the aisle by her 16-year-old grandson Vince Laneve of Chicago. The only unfortunate part was when the Reverend asked "Do you take this woman, 'til death do you part?" and Duane looked at his watch....

Thursday, January 8, 2009

"Culture Vultures?"

also known as "How dare you come to our impoverished island to spend exorbitant sums of money, dramatically boosting our otherwise-stagnant economy, dressed like THAT?!" Over the last few years, a number of Caribbean islands have taken steps (theoretically at least) to upgrade the caliber of visitors they get. Some of the time, I understand. Barbados was one of the first islands to outlaw camouflage clothing. It seems to make visual sense, making it much easier to spot terrorist activities, or potential "gang-related" activities if that's the garb of choice. That is, if terrorists or gang members are willing to cooperate by identifying themselves as such by wearing "camo." The islands of Antigua and Barbuda followed suit. Initially it was an idea born of reason, but it didn't take long for unreasonableness to rear its ugly head. A woman who had flown to Barbados for vacation was stunned, when a Customs agent confiscated her pink bikini. Luckily, she wasn't wearing it at the time! Turns out, it was something she bought at the mall called "fashion camo", and although it was certainly a camouflage pattern, it was in shades of hot pink. Personally, I'm not scared of terrorists who would attempt to take over the world in pink bikinis, but maybe that's just the old sailor in me talkin'. Regardless, don't allow yourself to spend any time in a Caribbean prison because you wanted to be fashionably cool.

Which brings me to today's rant, about the Culture Vultures on the lovely island of Grenada. Recently, some cruise ship passengers got off to unload their wallets on this quaint spice island, and they were rounded up and escorted back to the ship. Because they were wearing their pants too low. If you're reading this in the United States, and you have a teenager, or know a teenager, or were ever a teenager, or know somebody who has a teenager, you know that as RIDICULOUS as that style is, it's what "the young people" are doing, strongly influenced by what they see in the rap music community. Low-riding will likely go down in history along such fashion faux pas as terrible hairdos (such as the mullet or the white-guy-oversized-afro), leisure suits (available in lime green or puce), or Nehru jackets (unless you happened to be Nehru, in which case it was pretty cool). But I'm in serious doubt that terrorists are coming ashore with their skivvy's hanging out the back of their jeans, listening to Lil' Wayne or Kanye West. These are the kids from the cruise ship, who belong to the PARENTS WHO ARE ON THEIR WAY TO YOUR ROLEX SHOP EVEN AS WE SPEAK. Seeing their kids ushered back to the ship by police tends to put a damper on removing that American Express card from the wallet, don't you know. Granted some churches will not allow tourists in with shorts or tube tops, and you'll get me to understand religious grievance long before I'll get the holier-than-thou attitude of some of the local officials. Oh yeah -- make yourself a note, Mr. Official. You have teenagers on your island as well, and they pretty much follow US culture patterns, about a year behind the times. Get ready to be rounding up locals by this time in 2010. Or maybe you could just welcome visitors who are freely supporting your economy, while trying to enjoy their vacation. Just a thought.

"Someone's knockin' at the door. Somebody's ringin' the bell. Do me favor, open the door, and let 'em in." Thank you Paul McCartney. Good thing for you, you don't happen to live in Scranton, Pennsylvania. An eastern Pennsylvania man is facing up to 37 years in prison, for knockin' at the door a little too robustly. Police say 34-year-old Robert Kane went to neighbor Jamie Zaleski's apartment, because he was angry about a friend of Zaleski's who parked in front of his house across the street. Police said Zaleski went to the door and asked, "Who is it?" to which Mr. Kane replied "Open the door, or I'll cut it down." When Zaleski and his friends decided the man sounded too worked up to open the door, they declined his offer. A minute later, Kane fired up his chain saw and began cutting through the wooden door. Zaleski and his friends ran out the back way and called police. A jury convicted Kane on Tuesday, of charges including attempted burglary, attempted criminal trespass and terroristic threats. You have to sympathize with Mr. Kane though, being put through the torture of having somebody actually park on the street in front of his house. I mean, THE NERVE of these people!!

Everyone is looking at ways to tighten their belts, including art galleries. It takes a lot of money to bring featured exhibits to town, and in Ashland, Oregon patrons of the arts are getting creative. City Councilor Eric Navickas, who recently opened an art gallery in town, decided to keep up with the news in a fund-raising effort. He and partner Amy Godard invited guests to their grand opening, where they found an enormous photo of President George W. Bush and lots of shoes. People paid $1 per shot, to have the soles of the sneakers, boots and sandals dipped in red paint, before people fired the footwear at the image of our beloved Prez. Funds raised at Friday's opening went toward future gallery exhibits, and everyone seemed to enjoy the bonus exercise. One participant, 91-yr-old Marjorie Mather, came back for seconds and thirds. Wouldn't you?

Monday, January 5, 2009

Death By Coinage?

Ever heard the term "nickeled and dimed to death?" For decades, that was a saying that was geared towards the hotel industry, who would entice people in with low fares, then stack, pack and rack up charges for everything short of breathing. It was one of the biggest advantages cruise lines had, by telling people to come-on-down, relax and have your meals and most services included in the fare. We're not talking about the recently-imposed-then-relaxed fuel supplements. Those were not only explainable, but completely understandable and unavoidable, based on the rocketing fuel costs from last Fall. One of the last great freebies has fallen, though, on Royal Caribbean cruise line. You could always sell people on the relaxed atmosphere, and the fact that if people weren't in the mood to go to the dining room, they could order room service complimentary. Royal Caribbean has decided to nix that notion on all room delivery requests after 12pm midnight. They are now adding a "service fee" of $3.95 per order. Cap'n Bob has another name for the fee: RIDICULOUS! It's not like they're having to hire extra people for late-night duty or pay them a shift differential. Crewmembers work on salary, and they work when they're told and where they're told. You wanna know what this is? It's a sneak-attack on another free onboard service. If they get away with this, without passengers raising holy Heck about it, it won't be just after midnight any more. It'll be all day every day. It'll be another nail in the coffin of excess greed that is stagnating the industry. It'll be another reason for people to price and purchase an all-inclusive vacation island trip, instead of worrying about being buried alive under a pile of nickels and dimes. Way to go Royal Caribbean. You're being a trend-setter once again, but I neither applaud you for it or wish you the best with it. I'm personally hoping it's a dismal failure, and you go back to being a class act with the sense of history to remember what got you on that lofty perch in the first place.

A 57-year-old man in Missoula, Montana man says he is lucky to be alive today, after accidentally crashing his bicycle. You'd probably figure he crashed into what - a car? A wall? Maybe a dog? No, middle-school teacher Jim Litz said he often sees wild bears during his daily commute home along a dirt road, but he wasn't paying close enough attention the other day and ran headlong into the side of a large black bear that had wandered into his path. The local newspaper, the Missoula Missoulian (nice name - very original), quoted Mr. Litz as saying “I didn’t have time to respond, or even hit my brakes.” He said the impact flipped him off his bike, at which point the bear began clawing at him, apparently in confusion and anger. The attack left Litz with scratches and bruises over most of his body, but he holds no ill will toward the animal. I'd bet if we interviewed the animal, he'd hold plenty of ill will towards Jim Litz! "Dang that hurt - maybe I oughta kill somebody...."

Everybody sing along: "A THREE HOUR TOUR...." Yes, we have a Gilligan-related travel incident to report. Robert Vassallo and his girlfriend, Angellette Smith, flew into Miami Christmas Eve. The couple had plans to sail around the Caribbean for a while, when they encountered rough seas and crushing waves, and they found themselves washed ashore with substantial damages to the boat. Unfortunately it wasn't in a Bahamian out-island or anything quite so romantic. No, they were in Cuba and Ms. Smith did not have a passport, and neither of them had visas for travel to Cuba. So they got everyone's Holiday wish, to spend a night in a Cuban jail, waiting for U.S. authorities to secure their release! They were released Dec. 26 and finally this past week were able to fly back to Florida. There's no word on whether they encountered any millionaires, movie stars or professors along the way.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Party On, Garth!

If you have a party or adventurous spirit, here's a good way to spend $13 bucks: Michael Guerriero has just released a book, called Party Across America! 101 of the Greatest Festivals, Sporting Events, and Celebrations in the U.S. It's a compilation of famous, and not-so-famous events, parties, festivals and such that will really get your juices flowing. If you're a foodie, you'll want to head to the Windy City at the end of June/early July for "Taste Of Chicago." I can personally vouch for this one, as my First Mate and I experienced this 2 years ago. Amazing array of deep-dish pizzas, gyros, Chicago-style hotdogs, burgers, beer, and way more options than you can list in 1 blog. Make that a lunch stop, then head over to Buddy Guy's Legends at night for some raw Chicago blues, and you've got yourself a world-class day.

The winner of wildest party, believe it or not, is St. Patrick's day in Butte, Montana - particularly the the week or so leading up to the holiday. Why Butte? In the 1870's, it was a huge copper-mining boomtown, and descendants of the Irish miners are still there today. If you're not going to Ireland, this may be the next-best thing. The party is virtually everywhere, spilling into the streets all week. How about best weird celebration? When I think of Buffalo, New York I think of Niagara Falls, or Frank & Teresa's Anchor Bar, original home of Buffalo hot wings (truthfully!). Now there is a new reason to visit, the Saturday following Thanksgiving. It's called "The World's Largest Disco", and they generally sell over 8,000 tickets in less than 72 hours. Gyrate, dance, strut, break out your 35-year old Nik-Nik shirt (if it still fits), and dance and spin your way into a Disco inferno!

Speaking of musical festivals, I was unfamiliar with this one, but there is something called "Coachella" (sounds more like a sports festival), which takes place April 17-19 in Indio, California. According to Michael Guerriero, this festival is full of music, art outlets, laser light shows, the works. I figured it must be something with regional bands, but I went to their website and the lineup is a whopper, including a variety of styles. How about seeing all these artists at one venue?:

Prince
Dwight Yoakam
Death Cab For Cutie
Roger Waters
Jack Johnson
Love And Rockets
Kraftwerk
Fatboy Slim
The Breeders

Oh yeah....add on another 100 bands, and that's "Coachella". The book includes other more well-known events as well, such as Mardi Gras and Tampa's Gasparilla Pirate Festival, but for the ambitious-at-heart, this book has some great ideas to map out your parties for 2009.

The Alabama Department of Industrial Relations administers unemployment benefits, and sets up toll-free numbers for jobless Alabama residents to apply for benefits. Call centers in Montgomery and Birmingham are supposed to get the calls. Well, on Dec. 26th Linda Jahraus started getting calls at 5am. So did Cybil and Harvey Bernash. To the tune of more than 50 calls per day. What makes this so unusual you ask? Ms. Jahraus and the Bernashes live in Irvine, California! Not only that, but Ms. Jahraus and Mr. & Mrs. Bernash know each other, and are friends. After Cybil received a few of the calls, she asked the callers what number they had dialed, so she decided to call that number and complain to the Alabama Unemployment Office, in hopes of fixing the problem. Whe she called the number, Linda Jahrous answered. "I thought she was kidding," said Mrs. Bernash, "then we both realized we were stuck in telephone hell." Both parties attempted to contact Alabama officials, with little or no success. Jahraus then decided to contacted an Alabama newspaper, the Montgomery Advertiser, which reported the story Friday. Alabama Industrial Relations Director Tom Surtees said state officials are working hard to resolve the problem. "I can't explain somebody sitting in north Alabama making a call, and it ending up in somebody's private residence in California," he said. A spokeswoman for AT&T Alabama, which has the department's account, called the problem unusual (my 1st 2009 vote for understatement-of-the-year).

Here's a New Year's story from Rochester, Michigan. CONGRATULATIONS to Tarrance Griffin Senior and his lovely wife, who gave birth to twins 1 year apart! Huh? Yes indeedy, Tarrance Griffin Jr. was born New Year's Eve at 11:51pm, making his birthdate 12/31/08. His younger brother Tariq Griffin was born 26 minutes later at 12:17am New Year's Day, making his birthdate 1/1/09. So officially, 1 boy is a year older than the other on a technicality. Both boys and parent are doing well, except for the confusing explanations they'll have to deal with for the rest of their lives.

In a not-quite-as-heavenly Holiday story, authorities in Northeast Tennessee have arrested a man because of his Christmas decorations. The Johnson City Press reports that Unicoi County Sheriff Kent Harris acted on a search warrant, which was issued after anonymous tips came in about unusual decorations in the man's yard. There were several ceramic angels, a set of praying hands, numerous flower arrangements, several small Christmas trees and ornaments. Although fairly religious, it didn't sound that unusual at first. However, many of the items matched the exact description of a recent theft from nearby Evergreen Cemetery. When confronted with the evidence, including an eyewitness who placed the man at the Cemetery and saw him loading the items into his car, he said "No, that wasn't me. I don't know how these things got in my yard - I'm guessing the wind blew them here." Sounds like the wind isn't the only blowhard in this part of Tennessee...

New Year's Resolution #1: Lose Weight. That one applies to about 90% of Americans, and we're not just talking humans here. See if this story, and the weight-loss process, sounds as familiar as Dr. Phil:

If cable network Animal Planet ran a "Biggest Loser" competition, there are 7 elephants at the San Diego Zoo who might take the cake. Oops...I mean low-calorie bean curd. These pachyderms have lost a combined total of 11,314 pounds since zookeepers enforced a nutrition and exercise regiment for them, which started in 2000. Captive elephants that zoo visitors are familiar with are mostly overweight, compared to those in the wild. To get the elephants back in shape, zookeepers introduced a diet high in hay and stopped feeding them treats such as bread, corn and jelly beans. Instead of three large meals per day, the big-top-big-boys received several small meals. Zookeepers also scatter the food around the yard so the elephants have to work harder to find it. Zookeepers also trained the elephants to walk laps around their enclosure. Workers rake the packed soil to simulate jogging on soft sand, to encourage them even further. Hmmmm. That does it. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to exercise more, cut back on my jelly beans, and eat some hay. Well, maybe Shredded Wheat. There are limits to sanity after all.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Let's not go overboard...

Last week it was a possible jumper going overboard on an NCL cruise, and New Year's Eve (just after midnight) a Carnival cruise line staff member went overboard as well, though this one was clearly an accident with witnesses. Was alcohol involved? All indications say yes, and it's very unfortunate. In the old days of cruising, when there weren't so many balconies and exposed areas, it was extremely rare to hear of anyone going overboard on a ship, but the combination of much easier access to open air, plus the fact that more people cruise now than in years past, makes this unfortunately more common. No one fully understands suicide anyway, but a long fall to the water in the dark, where you may or may not live for a while, sounds particularly morbid to me. We can only hope this phase passes with a much lesser number of incidents in the future.

TAKE OFF, EH? That famous line is repeated by brothers Bob & Doug McKenzie (Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas), from their SCTV skit Great White North. And this new year, it applies to someone else. On New Year's Eve, Northwest flight 59 departed from Amsterdam, heading to Boston Mass with a head-count of 124 people on board. Approximately 8 hours later, the flight landed safely at Boston's Logan International Airport. The headcount? 125. No, that's not a misprint...a Dutch woman went into labor and gave birth to a baby girl, a couple of hours before landing. Even though the mother and child needed to be rushed to Mass General Hospital, they had to be wheeled through US Customs along the way. Passenger 125, as yet unnamed, still had to be accounted for and a nationality declared. After a few minutes of discussion, it was determined by the authorities that the birth had taken place in airspace belonging to Canada, making the child legally Canadian! Yeah. Try to figure the paperwork out on THAT one... Take off, eh?!

Police in Westchester County, New York said a recent driver's test left a lot to be desired. A New Rochelle police spokes-person reports a 23-year-old driver was taking a routine driving test, when she rounded a corner Wednesday morning, lost traction and wound up hitting and pinning a man who was cleaning snow off his car. Lt. George Marshall says the examiner tried to use the test car's secondary set of brakes, but they failed. The 33-year-old victim was taken to a hospital with leg and shoulder pain. Investigators are trying to determine whether the accident was due to equipment failure, driver inexperience, speed, snow, or ineffective reaction by the in-car tester. Lt. Marshall says no citations have been issued, but the student-driver will have to retake the test. That would be AFTER the lawsuit, I'm sure.

You know what they say about champagne tastes and a beer budget? In this economy, even the beer ain't cheap, but a Kenosha Wisconsin man wasn't going to let a little thing like being broke stop him from throwing a big-'ol Holiday bash. The Associated Press reports that 43-year-old Brian A. Rubenstein tried to steal $625 in groceries. It's sad to hear, but I was anticipating the theft was milk, eggs, cereal, veggies, etc. Then I kept reading. It turns out Mr. Rubenstein's basket contained $365 worth of lobster, $213 in ribeye and beef roasts, a smoked ham, an apple pie and a fruit platter. Police in Racine, where the store is located, said the man was arrested Dec. 23 after store employees caught him walking out with a loaded cart. He was charged with misdemeanor retail theft, which carries a maximum penalty of nine months in prison and a $10,000 fine. I'm thinking your prison "eats" are going to be more along the oatmeal and gruel line, so good luck finding a cellmate who keeps lace napkins and caviar handy, Brian...

Hey Brits! Get a puppy for heaven's sake. The British Federation of Herpetologists (no, nothing to do with a disease) recently announced that the number of reptiles kept as pets in the U.K. has clearly surpassed the number of pet dogs nation-wide (8.5 million slimers, to about 6 million woofers). One benchmark the federation used for its calculation is the booming sales in reptile food, such as locusts, frozen rodents and crickets, now about 20 million a week. I don't know which is more disturbing: Mumsy and Daddy buying snakes, skinks and alligators for the kids, or whether it's possible that Brits are finding new edible uses for locusts, rodents and crickets. Remind me to skip the porridge and stew next time I'm over there. Puh-LEASE!

Did somebody just Swoosh by me? A woman named Arien O'Connell posted the fastest time in 2008's Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco, and logically she expected to be declared the winner. Ehhhhh, not so much. Nike executives had made an extensive bid to bring elite runners to the competition, to bolster its National standing in events of its sort. One of the perks they threw in was a promise that one of this elite group would surely be declared the "winner." Consequently, first place was given to a woman who ran 11 minutes behind O'Connell. After a storm of complaints, Nike reluctantly settled on calling both women "winners" and promised to review the matter before the 2009 race. By those same standards, Nike has decided to look back to 1990 retrospectively, to Super Bowl 24. Apparently more Denver Broncos were wearing Nike undergarments than the San Francisco 49'ers, so Denver was declared the winner despite a stupid scoreboard that showed a final score of 55-10 in favor of the 49'ers. I mean fair-is-fair, right?

Speaking of people who can't run as fast as they thought, William Jarrett, age 38, was charged in Hempstead Village, New York with swiping a necklace from a 32-year-old pregnant woman. He grabbed the necklace from her and ran off at top speed. Despite her condition, the woman chased after him for six blocks, screaming at him to stop. She caught up to him and was attempting to wrestle the necklace away from him, just as a police officer was arriving on the scene. Explain that one to your cellmate, Homes.