Grammy Can You Hear Me?

I remember The Grammys. It used to be a show rewarding excellence in various musical fields. Then one day, not sure exactly when, it became a Homecoming Queen pageant. Popularity contest. And with the advent of terms like "cross-over artist" it now allows a single artist to win multiple categories, whether or not they were the best representation of that genre. I can't even bring myself to watch it these days, as you know up-front who's taking home the hardware and who will lip-sync their way through a production number that would make Vegas say "too extravagent!" This year, it was the Beyonce/Taylor Swift show. Starring Jennifer Lopez as Beyonce, and Jennifer Love-Hewitt as Taylor Swift. Last night's theme? 1 Grammy for each hand, a couple under each arm, 1 or 2 in your purse, and use your imagination after that. This was not a celebration of music and its diversity. It was a celebration of Beyonce, Taylor Swift and the power and influence of their record labels and the watering down of American taste. How else do you explain the likes of Lady Gaga? Ever?

I didn't want to waste an entire day searching for the birth of this Homecoming Queen syndrome, but at random I pulled up 1987. Big Hair Sunday I think it was. People laugh at the 80's (and rightfully so), but music was still music, holding on for dear life against the onslaught of worthlessness. The first thing that hit me was the fantastic diversity compared to what we have today! Take a look at this list:

Album of the Year...............Graceland (Paul Simon)
Record of the Year..............Higher Love (Steve Winwood)
Song of the Year..................That's What Friends Are For
New Artist of the Year.......Bruce Hornsby and The Range
Best Pop Vocal.....................The Broadway Album (Barbara Streisand)
Best R&B Vocal....................Rapture (Anita Baker)
Best R&B (male)..................Living In America (James Brown)
Best R&B Group..................Prince and The Revolution
Best Country Vocal..............Whoever's In New England (Reba McEntire)
Best Country (male)............Lost In The 50's Tonight (Ronnie Milsap)
Best Country Group............Grandpa (The Judds)
Best Rock Vocal....................Back Where You Started (Tina Turner)
Best Rock (male)..................Addicted To Love (Robert Palmer)
Best Rock Group..................Missionary Man (Eurythmics)

Pretty easy to see the difference between 1987 and the dog-and-pony-ballet they put on last night? Back in the day, everyone was rewarded for excellence in their style. Now it's all about....eh....nothing. Politics. Influence. Don't get me wrong, Beyonce is very talented, as is Taylor Swift. But at what point did these 2 ladies take over all music known to Mankind? It kind of makes watching The Grammys about a half-notch more palatable than watching C-SPAN when the cameras are focused on people sleeping in the Senate chamber (which would be virtually any day of the week, or so I'm told). So what's my solution? WARNING! WARNING! I DON'T HAVE ONE! The American public created this monster, and it'll never change until they wake up and realize that breakfast is a whole lot better with bacon, blueberry pancakes, crispy hash-browns and fresh-squeezed OJ to go with your eggs, than a breakfast of eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, and a hard-boiled egg thrown in for texture. I can hear the Vikings of Monty Python...."Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, glorious SPAAAAAM!!"

This morning while looking over hot travel destinations, I came across an article telling people to head to Arlington, Texas. That's a suburb of Dallas, where baseball's Texas Rangers play. Nice town. Pretty clean overall. But it's the new tourist attraction that's rattling the chains, begging you to come to Arlington. New Dallas Cowboys stadium? That's nice too, but no. Some kind of Six Flags attraction? Already have one. And it's in Arlington. But you're close! It's actually right outside of Six Flags. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Texas's own: BOWLING MUSEUM! Some of the astute among you, particularly the bowlers, might be saying "Hey wait a doggone minute, Cap'n -- the Bowling Museum is in St. Louis!" Well, not any more. It was SO popular, they closed it down. Moved it to Arlington. I'm sure it's fascinating to see how bowling goes back 5,000 years to when people enjoyed knocking things over with other things. But that's not why people would go to the Bowling Museum, now is it? Nope. They'll go because they want to see Don Weber's shirt, or Earl Anthony's ball-bag. They want to see video of the heyday of bowling. Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Wiggling 1o-pin....ooooooohhhh, IT FELL! Strike! OK, you get the picture. Unlike the Pro Football Hall of Fame, where you can see video of the greats of yester'year breaking tackles, and hitting and throwing and catching and tackling and what-all-else, in bowling it's Strikes. Lots of 'em. You didn't drive all the way to Arlington with the kids in the back crying to see Spares did you? Or Washouts? Or Witch's Teeth? No, you came to see Strikes a-plenty. Though if admission is more than a buck apiece you're probably over-paying for this thrill ride. Must have been a slow news day on CNN for this to be a story in the first place. Then again, it's what I thrive on!

You know how some folks always have excuses for their misery? Case in point, one John Stephens from Floyd County, Indiana. Mr. Stephens is an ex-con, who appeared before a parole Judge in December, saying he had a full-time job and intended to turn his life around. However, within the week he slipped-up and tried unsuccessfully to rob the local "Your Community Bank." His excuse to the Judge, when brought back before him? "If I hadn't been watching the news all the time, seeing other successful bank robberies," he said, "I wouldn't have been tempted like I was. The dang Media is responsible for this, Your Honor." He went on to say he had been especially impressed by one serial robber, who had made it look easy by vaulting over banks' counters like Batman. The Judge, thankfully, has place Mr. Stephens back in The Hole. Lead us not into temptation....

The best laid plans:

Recently, Leaders of the world and Heads-of-State converged on Copenhagen, Denmark, to conduct a Climate Summit on how we can all live cleaner, greener lives as a Planet community. Great thought, until they put things into action. While Copenhagen is normally one of the "greenest" cities in the world, during the 11-day Climate Summit the city was subjected to an additional 41,000 tons of carbon-dioxide-equivalent being released into the local atmosphere. Some 15,000 delegates and attendees required 2,000 limousines (only five of which were electric or hybrid), and the world's biggest A-Listers arrived and departed in over 140 private jets, some of which had to be moved each night to Sweden, because of the effect on airport congestion. Next time, maybe everybody should meet in New York's Central Park. Ride your bikes in. Bring a sandwich, and don't forget a beach towel big enough for yourself and your entourage. Maybe Beyonce or Taylor Swift will get up and sing you something.