Jet Blue It?

When times get tough, the tough get advertising! That may not be the exact quotation, but it's closer to the truth than you might think. Last week, Jet Blue came up with a promotion that had many in the travel business shaking their heads, and it turns out rightfully so. The promo was called "All You Can Jet" as a take-off on all-you-can-eat buffets. The crux of it was that for a mere $599, you could fly anywhere in their system, as many times as you'd like, between date "X" and date "Z", though now they're asking themselves "Y"? The plan was to get those non-fliers off their sofas and onto Jet Blue planes. But in reality, while they did get some of those, they also got their regular and frequent travelers to LOAD UP...so much so that today they announced they're suspending the program, due to SUCCESS! Let's check the formula - airlines are already cash-crunched, losing money faster than it comes in with rising fuel costs. (Proponent): "OK, Mr. Chairman. So we get more people to fly, decreasing our per-person revenue intake, increasing the weight of humans and luggage on each flight, decreasing our profits significantly with the high price of jet fuel." (Mr. Chairman): "I see - at least I think I do - but my question is, how do we make money on this?" (Proponent): "VOLUME, Sir....Volume!" Yes, it's a new twist to an old joke, but apparently that's not too far off from the actual conversation, since they're now having to turn around and cancel the program under the weight of....itself.

COMING TO CHARLOTTE, NC - in case you missed it, at the end of 2009 USAirways will be starting non-stop service to Honolulu, something the area has never had. Sure we can change planes in Atlanta or Chicago or Dallas or Phoenix or Detroit or Philadelphia or, well, you get the picture. But in a perfect world, those of us who fly would never want to make a connection. It takes time, and there can be schedule changes or weather or cancellations that make us miss our connections. Another consideration is the question: Is there REALLY time during that 41 "scheduled" minutes on the ground, to get my suitcases from Concourse A to Concourse F, or am I going to wind up on my cruise or vacation with only the clothing on my back? Of course lost luggage can still happen on non-stop flights, but it's generally much more rare. Hawaii is one of the great vacation and honeymoon destinations on Earth, and now people from the greater Charlotte area will be able to get there while the gettin's good! Keep your eyes peeled for more news about this, and we will have incredible air and hotel packages available. If your cup of tea is Maui, Kauai or the Big Island, there will still be a change of planes involved, but for people wanting Oahu (Honolulu/Pearl Harbor) or who are going on a 7-night Hawaiian islands cruise, this will truly be a new and exciting wave of travel. Aloha!

Today, I'm proposing the "Bennie Crabtree Law," which is my common-sense approach to the Judicial System. Call me ignorant, but this is a bit beyond the more well-known 3-Strikes laws passed in various states. Those say that after a 3rd major criminal prosecution, you are locked up forever, and the key gets pitched in the nearest dumpster. Done! Yer' Out! It seems they never heard of such a thing in Ohio. Authorities in Cincinnati said the official record shows that Bennie Crabtree has been arrested 146 times since 1998 (that's over 16 times per year, if you're a bit slow on the math up-take). This was just "discovered" when Hamilton County's record-keeping system was updated. Veteran police officers said he had been arrested many more times in the decades before that - too many times to count. Crabtree's record includes criminal trespass, disorderly conduct, and dozens and dozens of thefts. Police say he's never done anything serious enough to actually be sent to prison, and because of local jail overcrowding, he's often released hours after his arrests and court appearances. A social worker charged with keeping up with 61-year-old Bennie says Mr. Crabtree is just lonely. Hmmmm. Theory #1: It's apparently PRETTY EASY to become a social worker in Cincinnati. Theory #2: The Po-Lice are so caught up in the system, they are incapable of thinking outside the box. The fact that he's "Never done anything serious enough to actually be sent to prison" is ludicrous. By continually eating man-hours of the Police and Courts, not even counting the monetary losses from his ongoing thefts, this man has to be at least a Million-Dollar-Liability to the city of Cincinnati and state of Ohio. That's a guess, of course, but I'm betting that number is on the low side of the ledger. It's probably much higher in the long run. It would be much cheaper to take the man, put him behind bars for life and give him his 3 meals a day, with counseling, to see if he couldn't be turned into a productive citizen again. If so, great. If not, Ohio is footing a much lesser bill than it is by NOT incarcerating him! So I propose the Bennie Crabtree Law....you give a guy the benefit of the doubt 145 times, but dang it on that 146th......why, I oughta.....

Wheeeeeeeeeeee!
On 2nd thought, maybe not.

"Stick 'em up! NO WAIT - PUT 'EM DOWN!" A Surrey, England theme park is banning visitors from putting their hands in the air while riding roller coasters when the weather is hot, following numerous complaints about foul body odor. The new rule applies whenever temperatures climb to 90 degrees or above, and signs will be posted reading "Say no to B O." Park Attendants will make sure riders follow the rules, or they risk being escorted out of the park. One of the park's Directors says the rule is necessary because, "our rides are really scary, and people tend to sweat more than normal due to the fear and anticipation they experience."

NOTE TO THE ENGLISH: "Bath" is more than the name of a quaint UK town....