Thursday, May 6, 2010

Greece Is The Word

Watching the stock market today, the only words that come to mind are compliments of Hank Hill, "What the Hell?" Insiders who know how these knee-jerk things work probably got rich or richer between 2pm and 4pm today. Panic mode drove the market South by nearly 1,000 points, and within a couple of hours it was 2/3 of the way back to par. All this because Greece can't get its political act together, and the shockwaves cross the Atlantic like a tsunami. Makes me want to swear off Feta Cheese in an effort to say "So there!" Hopefully everybody will unwad their undergarments, and get back to working to make this a better world. Just about everyone alive has witnessed some sort of European political crisis of some sort, whether it's Italy this week or France or Greece the next, and things always have a way of working themselves out. Maybe not without some pain, but days like today are more likely to be buying opportunities than selling. Unless the Earth is coming to an end by around 5pm, when you see stocks like Apple drop 12-15 points, that's a welcome mat to buy more. IPods, IPhones, IPads, and IAnythings are not going away - they're the way of the world, my peeps. Get on that train and ride. Even though stocks are mostly Greek to me, Greece is the word (is the word, is the word) today for making some wise market moves.

After the recent situation in New York's Times Square, the U.S. Gub'Ment has ordered airlines to update their no-fly lists within 2 hours of a new information release. I heard that, and immediately thought "it's about time." Then, after cocking my head to the side like a Labrador Retriever who thinks he just heard a whistle and does that mean dinner or is my owner going to give me a bath, I thought...."wait a darn minute." We're allowing the AIRLINES to check the no-fly lists? The same airlines who are so hurting for money they'll do almost anything to fill seats on their planes? Those airlines? The same ones who have been known for bureaucratic ineptitude that makes the Federal Gub'Ment look like finely-tuned Chinese acrobats? Those airlines? Well, I've never been a proponent of big government in general, but sometimes when it comes to National Security, you have to take the sharp objects away from the parties-most-likely-to-puncture-themselves and stand guard yourself. I'd have no problem if my tax dollars went towards more supervision of flight lists and who's on 'em, as opposed to building monuments or paying farmers NOT to grow Crop A or B. Seriously, airlines can no more police themselves, and in turn YOU AND ME, than they can figure out how to earn a profit in their business without bringing up things like charging money for carry-ons. It's all about cutting corners wtih most of them, and when lives are in the balance, I'm going to cast my vote for a government big enough to accept this kind of challenge.

Remember the Disney movie, "All Dogs Go To Heaven?" Yeah, me neither but SOMEBODY out there must have watched it. In fact, it's apparently inspired the faithful in the small town of Danvers, Massachusetts. Calvary Episcopal Church in Danvers will later this month offer its first Perfect Paws Pet Ministry, aimed at giving area dogs and their owners improved odds at getting into Heaven. The church plans to hold a service for dogs, on the 3rd Sunday every month, complete with communion for their human counterparts and special blessings for Fido and friends. Instead of communion wafers, dogs will get special treats. Church officials have said all well-mannered, leashed dogs are invited. People can pre-submit a prayer on paper, if their pets are sick, or if they require better temperment around other dogs, or if the family pup has become, how you say, deceased. Prayers can also be offered for other types of pets, though emphasis will be on living up to the Canine Commandments. I'm pretty sure #1 is "Thou shalt not leave anything on the carpet....bad doggie" (more or less). Somehow, I'm picturing a French Poodle at a New England Patriots game, with the top of his hair colored to look like a rainbow wig, holding up a sign saying "Jaques 3:13"

Pantyhose Shortage?

Cops in Nebraska are searching for a man who robbed a shop-owner with a knife earlier this week. Apparently the man was desperate - he either couldn't find, or couldn't afford a real bad-guy type mask. Not even the .99cent Halloween type like cheap plastic Sponge Bob. Not even a pair pantyhose, new or used. The thief came into the business right at closing time, wielding a knife wildly, his head completely wrapped in toilet paper except for an eye-hole and a small opening to speak. He probably appeared to be closer to The Unknown Comic than Al Capone at that moment, but he demanded money and was able to escape with an unspecified amount. A police sniffer dog tried to track the suspect, but was only able to discover a trail of toilet paper sheets that eventually ended. Is it just me, or is there some comedy in having a sniffer dog follow a trail of toilet paper? "Sarge, I think he's got something over here - eh, no maybe not. I believe he just discovered where Jake's cows have been meditating after filling up on corn meal...."

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

My Name Is Oil...

I know I've been away from my blog for a while, but that's a good thing. Business is UP and I've been too busy to sit down and write my normal drivel - I mean thoughtful prose on travel and the World as I see it. However, today's announcement of impending doom by Princess Cruises got me back in the saddle. Like the debacle of a few years ago, Princess is the first cruise line to institute a new FUEL SUPPLEMENT starting May 10th, for new cruise bookings. They've come up with the magically-delicious formula of $3.85 per person per day. Say what? I know the cost of fuel is eating into cruise line profits, but if you're going to add a supplement, why not make it something easy to remember or explain to people? Something that makes sense like a flat $4.00, or maybe a figure like $3.50 that becomes an even number ($7.00) when you quote double occupancy. $ 3.85 just sounds like something they pulled out of a hat, in an effort to get just a little further under my skin. CONGRATULATIONS - it worked! This on top of Celebrity Cruises' announcement that they are going to have 4 different "drink plan" options on board their ships effective immediately. There will be a soft drink/coffee/juice/water plan clients can purchase, or an upgraded plan that includes name brand flavored waters, energy drinks and smoothies, or another plan that includes some beers, wines and cheaper drinks, and finally the premium plan that includes high-end drinks, beers and wines up to $12 per serving.

Oh goodie. Just a handful of years ago I was on a cruise and purchased the soft drink/juice plan and it was around $26 for the entire 7 night cruise. These new plans start at about $15 per person PER DAY (that's $105 for a 7-night cruise each person), and work their way up to over $56 per person per day for premium levels. That may be fine for the hardest-partying among us, but Joe Average (and his wife Jane) will be tempted to drink more than they ever would back home, in an effort to at least break even....if not get better-than-normal return for their buck on the package. Yes I'm old and yes I'm jaded and yes I can probably drink most of you under the Poop Deck, but when all-inclusive resorts are cutting deep into cruise lines' market share, it strikes me as particularly lousy timing to try to show how LESS inclusive modern cruises are by comparison. It's changing the way I look at the industry as a whole, and is certainly affecting how I make vacation suggestions to clients. As Mr. T would say, "I pity the fuel.....supplement...."

Speaking of oil, and who isn't these days, BP has decided to reclaim the Gulf of Mexico for Great Britain, 1 endangered species at a time. So far, the cruise industry has been unaffected or only slightly so, and it's a bit of a wait-and-see on how it's going to affect the tourism of some of the United States' finest beaches, even though most people don't know how sugar-white the sand is along Alabama and the Florida panhandle. I'm not sure why any jut of land is called a panhandle, particularly when they're large and square or long and jagged. Every handle of a pan I've ever held was smooth and black and usually said "Made In China" on the underside, but I digress. On a serious tone (I always hate to use the word sober, being a man of the drink), future generations of Americans are going to miss things we take for granted, such as fresh water and living creatures, if somebody doesn't get a grip on the influence of Big Oil. Corruption is virtually assumed of Congress and the back-slapping buddy system that's been in place since your Grandpappy's Grandpappy's day. This ain't the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, but it's high time (thank you Cheech & Chong) to look at more than filling SUV's with unlimited supplies of a limited, polluting material. Wake up and smell the petroleum, America. It's coming to get you and it's coming fast.

An 82-year-old man from India, Prahlad Jani, claims he has lived for the last 70 years without any food or drink. Jani says he left home when he was seven, and has lived as a wandering holy man, who can live on breath and spiritual life force alone. He claims he is sustained by a goddess who pours an "elixir" through a hole in his palate. Jani is now being studied by Indian military experts, who believe he could teach soldiers or disaster victims how to survive longer without food or drink. One spokesman said, "If Jani's claims are verified, it will truly be a breakthrough in medical science." Another unnamed spokesman said, "The guy weighs 3/4 of an ounce - I thought he was a talking piece of dust. If his claims are verified, he must be famished!" Jani was last seen carrying a half-dozen pizza boxes down an alley, to which he said "No, no, these are empties. I'm just helping my friend clean his porch...."