Hey Liberty - Is Statue?

Matt, Meredith, Al and Ann from the Today Show brought some big GREEN news to America this morning. Effective July 4th, the Statue Of Liberty's signature crown viewing area (and the winding staircase to get there) will re-open for the first time since shortly after 9/11. That used to be one of the highlights of a Big Apple tour, and thankfully with new security measures in place, visitors will once again be able to celebrate Miss Liberty in high fashion. "Give me your tired, your poor, your Mets fans, and anyone from New Jersey yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of the lower East side, and anyone else who has an extra $50 or so to spend on souvenirs and knick-knacks. Send these, the homeless, ruthless, toothless, tempest-tossed to me, and I'll lift my lamp and a few Bud Lights. Wanna join me?"

The big cruise news recently has been that virtually every cruise line caved under consumer pressure, dropping all Mexican ports and re-routing ships with little or no notice. In theory, it was for passenger protection, though the swine flu has looked less and less like a pandemic, and more like a pandemonium knee-jerk than anything else. Still, better safe than sorry, right? Not according to many irate passengers. People do have to read the fine print. When booking with a supplier, there are always dozens of paragraphs or pages of "fine print" explaining emergency and contingency plans. Most people on the Planet never bother to read that stuff, until one day when an unusual circumstance arises, calling for a change of itinerary, cancelled or replaced port of call, etc. Then it's Katie-bar-the-door. Your basic human nature on display, and we all know how ugly THAT can get! Anyway, by mid-June everyone should be back to a state of normalcy, and I for one can hardly wait.

So are you enjoying this holiday week? What's that? Mother's Day? NO WAY - I'm talking about May 6-13, which has been dubbed "World Cocktail Week." The celebration began a while back, sponsored at least in part by the Museum Of The American Cocktail in New Orleans, and has spread to all parts of fair Mother Earth. Well, sort of. Some people in the far reaches of the Globe are unaware of World Cocktail Week, but they continue to drink anyway - celebrating "Thursday" or something. But it's good to know there's more to the fine art of swiggery than just localized participation. I'm all-in for World-wide celebration, so pass the rum and maybe some of that fried chicken you've got over there. No, to your left. By the sofa.

"Tonight there's gonna be a Jailbreak" (Thin Lizzy)

We've all heard stories about prisoners escaping from work details, that sort of thing. But how about walking away from Death Row? That's what happened in New York City this week, when a cow simply found a security breach and walked out of a slaughterhouse. She may have a new lease on life, now. New York police said the all-black cow "escaped" from Musa Hala, Inc. about 1 p.m. Wednesday, where animals are butchered according to religious restrictions. She wandered nearly a mile before she was corralled and captured by Emergency Services officers. She was then safely delivered to the city's Animal Care and Control center, where she was nicknamed "Molly." Officials there are looking into whether Molly can be placed at a farm sanctuary to live out her life, or if she must be returned for slaughter. It depends on whether anyone comes forward to claim her. Not surprisingly, when Molly was found she was carrying a sign that read "Eat Mor Chikin!"

Rocky Mountain High - VERY High!

Somewhere, John Wayne is rolling over in his grave, after a recent incident in Denver. According to KUSA-TV, Police there cited a sidewinding cowboy for "riding under the influence." The man received a $25 citation in a strip-mall parking lot, after receiving reports that he couldn't stay in his saddle and was swerving erratically. The man claimed he was just out for a joyride on his horse, Cricket. Police Sgt. Jeff Monzingo said someone must have really scoured the books to write a drunken-riding citation, the first he'd seen in 15 years of law enforcement. Riding an animal while under the influence is a Class B traffic violation, according to Colorado law. Police said deciding what to do with the horse after the "vehicle stop" was tricky, because unlike a typical DUI case, "you can't really tow a horse!" A local stable owner stepped in to solve the problem, by offering the man and his mount a ride home.

Thank you Good Citizen, thank you. Now that I think about it, maybe you can tow a horse. To water. But you can't make him drink. That's my department....