Orlando, Florida - It's Magically Delicious!

Congratulations to the Orlando Magic, who despite some referee-aided calls against them blew past the Cleveland Cavaliers, to make it to the NBA finals. Not that I really care, but still it's worth a mention just because it's a case of hard work rewarded. Now that we're almost into June, Orlando will see its tourism boosted significantly, with families headed to Disney World, Universal Studios, Sea World, and 3.6 billion putt-putt courses. I like the one where you have to slap it up a ramp and off a wall, down the throat of a giant Dick Cheney head. Don't worry, his mouth is always open. Regarding the theme parks, though, 2009 is THE YEAR to go! It's not like they've cut ticket prices (probably never going to happen), but hotels are undersold this year which makes for excellent pricing. The bigger picture is what I call quality of experience. Ever been to a theme park with the kids, or even on your own, where the most popular rides had lines of an hour-and-a-half? 2 hours? Kind of takes the wind out of your sails. One of the best days I ever had at a theme park it was raining like all get-out, and it kept 30-40% of the potential crowd home. I didn't care how wet I got, there was little or no wait on the rides so it was a great day! In the current economic slump, you can expect smaller crowds, and shorter wait times for popular attractions, with or without rain. So if you have been putting off a trip to Magic Town, grab the phone and call me. You'll be a hit with your whole family, without a big hit to your wallet.

I'm starting to get my own vacation plans in place. Since I'm here at sea all the time, I like to change it up every now and again. My plans include a fishing trip to Ontario Canada, and an annual mecca-like return to my second home, Las Vegas. Yeah, I know about the economy. I've been saving up my pennies. In Vegas you never really have to worry about long lines for attractions, but just like Orlando there's something to be said for when occupancy is down, prices are down, and casinos want and NEED your business. You get a little more personalized service, just a bit more of a "thank you for coming" feel, and with prices being lower than they have been in years, things are looking bright. Also, I'm doing my pilgrimage the same time as last year, during NFL Football season. If you've never been during college and NFL football, it's a must-see, must-do. Take your local sports bar, multiply the energy by 5000%, add in live betting on every game (including "parlays" which are combination bets on multiple games), throw in some rabid testosterone and a pinch of liquor for good measure, and Voila! Vegas Cap'n Bob style! In fact, it's fantastic for the occasional, or ultra-conservative gambler. Why? Let's say you sit down at a blackjack table. Cards are dealt to everyone there. Within 1 minute, you win, lose or tie. Dice can be as fast or faster, sometimes a single roll. Roulette, place your bet and 30-45 seconds later you're a winner or loser. But let's say you're an Ohio State fan. Or Miami Dolphins. You can step up to the counter, place a bet of as little as $5 on a game, then sit back and enjoy the atmosphere for the next 3 hours! In many areas, if you're gambling they'll offer free cocktails, cokes, or water and all you're expected to do is leave a tip for the server. So on any given Saturday or Sunday during football season, you can sit down and bet $5 on an early game, $5 on a late-afternoon game, and $5 on a night game. If you take it easy and just sip a few beverages, you're talking about a FANTASTIC $20 day other than your food. Oh yeah. That's if you lose all your bets. If you win 1 or 2 or 3, the day could theoretically cost you nothing or make you a small profit. It's all good! And if you happen to see a tall, lanky sailor scarfing down a nacho platter, half-pound Angus burger with lettuce, tomato and yellow mustard only, enjoying a rather plentiful variety of beverages in a Dallas Cowboys jersey, come on over and introduce yourself. I'll root for your team too.

GIMME FIVE! We've all seen it, we've all done it. Some momentary excitement has led us to that place, where the only thing that will make it better is a demonstrable slapping of hand-skin above our heads. Good heavens, we really have come to this, haven't we? Anyway, as easy as it sounds, it's not always peaches-and-cream. Sometimes it's sour cream. An El Paso school principal actually calls it assault. Last week, when school superintendent Lorenzo Garcia was giving principals high-fives to celebrate their excellent state test scores, he came to Barron Elementary School principal Mary Helen Lechuga. Apparently Ms. Lechuga missed the memo on how to react as a human being in these situations. She would not raise her hand, so he lightly tapped her on the forehead. Lechuga is a former district administrator who had been recently demoted. After the swing-and-a-miss high-five, she filed a police complaint saying she felt extreme, pulsating pain in her forehead, and feared for her safety at what Mr. Garcia might do next. Garcia said she's just a disgruntled employee, and her complaint is ridiculous. She was recently demoted? REALLY???

Leave no good deed unpunished!

In this day and age, you have to be careful who you do favors for. An Ohio man recently tried to visit Sandusky's Central Park with his family, but they had a hard time enjoying the surroundings. The grass had actually grown to about a foot high, and John Hamilton said enough is enough. He wanted to keep his city looking nice, so he took control of the situation. According to a police report, witnesses said Hamilton went home, returned with a lawn mower, and proceeded to try to tidy up the unkempt public park. Some patrons said he was blowing grass onto the sidewalk, and shredding trash in the park that had not been picked up. City Manager Matt Cline later said he understands Hamilton's frustration, as budget cuts have left the city of Sandusky grossly understaffed, for seasonal maintenance work. Anyway, one of the park patrons told Hamilton to stop mowing, and when he wouldn't the Police were called. They arrested Hamilton after he refused to stop mowing, and charged him with obstructing official business and disorderly conduct. I hope the moronic patron who called the police winds up with ants in his pants.