And The Wiener Is????

Sad day in the snouts, hoofs, ears, cheeks, jowls and unmentionables department. Oscar Meyer has died. That's not a misspelling, either. The company calls itself Oscar Mayer, but the actual family patriarch and retired Chairman Of The Board of the meat-packing giant, spelled his name with an "e" instead of an "a" in it. He was 95. Before his passing, he made one final request to the family, fearing it would be too much of a spectacle: No Wienermobile at his funeral. I was fortunate enough to see the Wienermobile up-close a few years back, and one thing you can say about it is it WILL get your attention. Whether in the rear-view mirror, or pulling up along side unexpectedly, there's no mistaking it for an alien craft. It's as All-American as apple pie, corn-on-the-cob and....well....wieners. Yeah yeah, wieners are German. And fries are French. And wooden shoes are Dutch (OK, you got me on that one). It would still seem appropriate for the Wienermobile to hover near the ceremony, maybe hanging a couple of blocks back or something. How does Batman die and no Batmobile? Oh well, you have to honor people's last wishes so he must have his reasons. Of course, there was only 1 Batmobile (a hybrid Ford Thunderbird, if you must know). The first Wienermobile was built in 1936, but there was so much demand for personal appearances of the Big Wiener, by 1960 Oscar Mayer Company had a fleet of 6, which would drive around giving cold-cuts and wiener-whistles to the kids of a grateful nation. Maybe not as refreshing as the Ice Cream Man, but then again the Ice Cream Man never rode around in a giant Klondike bar. Style points for the Wiener King.

Man - We're moving at a turtle's pace!

That's what commuters and air traffic controllers were saying yesterday morning at JFK in New York, and guess what - they were right! A major runway at JFK International Airport was shut down Wednesday morning, after at least 75 turtles emerged from a nearby bay and crawled onto the tarmac. Eventually, grounds crews were able to "herd" them back into the nearby water, but not before delaying flights by nearly an hour and a half. "Apparently, this is something JFK tower has experienced before," said Federal Aviation Administration spokesman Jim Peters. Even though the little 4-legged tanks move slowly, they become somewhat more aggressive during spawning season. Most folks wouldn't think of spicing up their spawning habits by gathering as a group on one of the World's busiest airport runways, but you know those wacky Ninja Turtles are unpredictable...

Allman Joy!

There are a huge number of fans of the original jam-band, The Allman Brothers, and some of them have decided to take their fan-dom to the next level. The band was founded in Macon, Georgia where their Southern rock sound and propensity to write songs that were half-an-album in length became the stuff of legend. Now their home, nicknamed the Big House In Macon is being turned into a museum by loyal followers. The Big House is where the songs Ramblin' Man, Blue Sky and Midnight Rider were penned, and was the last place famed guitarist Duane Allman visited before dying in a 1971 motorcycle accident. The museum is scheduled to open in December, with a solid rock 'n roll fan base expected to draw thousands of the faithful. There will be more than 300,000 pieces of memorabilia inside, collected by Kirk West, the band's longtime photographer and tour manager: Duane's jacket. Gregg's Hammond organ. Band and performance posters and photographs. Music and live recordings of the band will also be available,with interactive computer terminals where guests can flip through concert footage. Duane's bedroom has been kept intact, decorated the same way he left it. On the top floor, the museum will hold music classes for school children, and outside will be a bandstand where musicians can put on shows. The 6,000-sq.-ft. house, built in the early 1900s, became the band's home in 1970, and it quickly became the center of the band's world. It was their practice habitat, songwriting Mecca, and personal retreat before the physical demands of going on tour. The wives, girlfriends and children remained at the Big House when the band was on the road. The house has changed hands numerous times, at one point being everything from a beauty parlor to a lawyer's home, but it fell into disrepair until it was bought in 1990 by the Wests, who have lived there the last 15 years. For people in the South, who want to re-visit their rock roots without having to travel all the way to Cleveland (Rock 'N Roll Hall Of Fame), this will likely be a must-see, must-do stop whenever you're burning up the Georgia highways. Very rare you can say of a musician or band that they created something even MORE than a sound, they created an actual genre. Duane, Gregg, Dickie Betts and the boys did exactly that.

Sometimes you hear me rant about our educational system, and how teens and even 20-somethings can't make change from a cash register if the power goes out. HELLO, AUSTRIA! Thank you so much for making even our inadequate school system look stellar! School officials in the Central-European country have taken a trick from the TV show, "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" Students who can't quite come up with the answers on their exams are being given an extra chance: Phone-A-Friend. The kids are allowed to call experts for help, such as doctors and other teachers if they're stumped. A spokesperson for the Austrian School System said the experts are usually more nervous than the students, worried about how they'll look if they get the answer wrong. So far during the initial testing of the system, Administrators claim that everyone using the Phone-A-Friend bonus has passed the tests. I think Hollywood was right when they made the movie Terminator. Machines will definitely take over the world at some point. We humans just can't cut the mustard any more. And even when we can, there won't be a Wienermobile to spread it on...