Service Error?

Congratulations to Roger Federer who really had to earn his latest Grand Slam title. But while you might think the header is talking about Wimbledon (pronounced Wimple-ton by most people in the Carolinas), I'm actually referring to Sarah "Bigstate" Palin, who this weekend brushed aside things like her oath of office, pledges to constituents and responsibility in general, to begin her world-wide photo-op tour. Call it Making A Difference 2012. That's right...she appears to be challenging Superman to a Battle Royale, although it's going to take more than Kryptonite and conservative rhetoric to bring down the Caped Crusader. It will likely take more than a track record of 0.6% of one term as Governor of the Mooses, to be elected President of the Masses. The current Queen of Maverickosity certainly thinks outside the box. In fact, she thinks outside her State, and now plans to live where she thinks. Personally, I believe the only chance she has is to Irish-ize her name by adding an O to it. O'Palin. That would potentially give her the conservative minority vote, plus any liquored-up American Dubliners, who left Houlihan's Pub long enough to cast their ballot (thinking she's a Homegirl), plus the Senior Citizen crowd with serious macular degeneration, or glaucoma or cataracts so severe that O'Palin and Obama are indistinguishable from one another. Hey, it's not much of a strategy, but when you're projecting yourself as the future of conservative mankind, you do what you've got to do. Right now, it's amazing how few Democrats are saying anything about her early retirement. They seem content to let Republican leadership and spokespeople tee-off on this log-flume-style career cascade. It remains to be seen who gets soaked at the bottom of the hill, Sarah O'P or We The People. One thing's for sure, if she ever actually won a National election, I'd have to take a 4-year vacation in Canada. I'll be out on the lake fishing if you need me, eh?

There's an old joke about a guy sitting on a street corner, with an empty cup in front of him, holding a sign saying "Pencils For Sale." A guy walks up and says, "Hey Buddy - how much for one of your pencils?" The man look up and says, "$225,000.00 each, and that includes a carrying case and an eraser." The startled man looked at him in disgust, asking "Well how many have you sold at that price, Sir?" The vendor replied, "None yet, but if I can just sell one....." Which brings us to the state of the hotel business. The economy is as bad as it has been in 60+ years, and hotel operators are constantly crying about lack of business. So how are they counteracting it? By raising taxes and service fees. One of the hardest-hit states, Hawaii, has plans to move its 7.25% hotel tourism tax to 9.25% by July 2010. Massachusetts is allowing communities to raise local taxes from 4% to 6%, in addition to the State tax of 5.7%. Throw in a newly-raised restaurant tax, going from 5% to as much as 7%, and you're likely to hear more about MASS Exodus than MASS tourism. How about Vegas? Even Sin City is going from 9% to 12%. New York visitors are being welcomed with a new 14.25% hotel tax, and there is talk now of adding extra service fees to internet reservations. Yeah, that's really the way to encourage people to visit you. Gouge their eyes out, tie them up and steal their wallets, but not until they've purchased their share of souvenirs and postcards. I realize money has to come from somewhere, but some of these seem to be absurd. One of the worst representations of friendly tourism is Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Not that it's a hotbed of tourist influx, but people do come and go and Wisconsin is a highly-underrated state when it comes to natural beauty, particularly in its lakes and rivers. But people visiting the area who fly into Milwaukee are being met with a new car rental tax. It was $2. It would seem a little pushy to double it to $4, but doubling wouldn't have made my worst-of-the-worst list. So what do you think that car rental tax went to? $7? An unbelievable $10? No, how about a beyond-unbelievable $18 tax! Up from $2 previously, and all in the name of building mass transit. News flash: At those prices, you won't need mass transit except for your locals. Nobody's coming except for the occasional Packer's game, if they're going to feel you're becoming modern day pirates, pillaging anyone who steps into your path.

Yo Yo Yo, you yo-yo! I'm always amazed by what some people consider as an impressive accomplishment. Take for example the case of Steven Gilmore Jr., age 21, from Gainesville Florida. Steven Jr. is an aspiring rap singer (which to me is an oxymoron anyway), who wanted to improve his "street cred" by committing a violent crime. He thought it would make him more appealing as a rapper, while having the side-effect of making him less appealing as a human. But that's another story. Mr. Gilmore attempted to rob a convenience store in May, and during commission of this act he shot a clerk numerous times in the buttocks with a BB gun. Police said after a brief investigation, Gilmore was arrested and has confessed to the crime, explaining that he has a much better chance of making it if he's recognized as a thug. I wonder how much "cred" he gets for being recognized as a narcissistic idiot.

Some things are flip-flopped in that "other" Hemisphere....

Normally, I think of the Land Down Under, Australia, as a pretty competent place with smarter-than-the-average-bear people. But I read a story that made me question certain priorities. Addressing a conference in Hobart, Australia, professor Julie Quinlivan, Dean of the University of Notre Dame Australia's medical school, said that for disadvantaged teenage girls, becoming pregnant is a good thing. According to Dean Quinlivan said it helps teach them a sense of responsibility, that may otherwise not develop. She pointed out that such teen mothers were also more likely to stop smoking, stay in school and find a job. I'm guessing she also advises young boys to become drug dealers, removing the potential stress of "having to learn a craft and doing that 9 to 5 thing the rest of their lives."

Hey Dean Quinlivan....any advice for a Seafarin' Cap'n looking for "street cred?" I don't own a BB gun, but when I feel like living on the edge, I've been known to do 56 or 57 in a 55 zone. Makes me feel like a thug.