What About Bob (Part II)

I'm a big fan of originality. There's nothing better than hearing a comedian tell a story or a joke you've never heard before, and you wonder how that person had the singular insight to find such a 1-of-a-kind revelation after the ba-zillion comedians that had come before him. Some of the best movies ever made became classics because of their innovation ("You gotta go - you've never seen anything like it before").


And then there are cruise lines. For decades, they all strived to create or maintain a specific identity, but some time in the 80's with the advent of the Mega-liners, the differences started to blur a little. Then a lot. Today, you'd better have yourself a mighty fine travel agent (like ME!) to help distinguish one product from another. Certainly there are differences, but original thought seems to have gone overboard, lost at sea, most noticeably in 3 areas.

# 1) For years, people looked forward to going on a cruise and experiencing gourmet-level dining, in a social atmosphere where you would meet new friends to share the cruise with. You dined together nightly, swapping stories about what you did that day, and the pampering by your waiter made the experience truly special. Then one of the cruise lines came up with the idea of offering people the ability to come to dinner whenever they wanted, sit wherever they wanted, and they could be as anti-social as they darn well pleased. Since I'm a traditionalist when it comes to cruising, I found this to be a huge error in judgement. Sometimes there is a waiting line now. You may want the same waiter you had last night, but his section is full. Now you go to a new table and have to start the "I'm blank, and I do blank for a living, and we live in blank..." To me, that virtually ruins the dining experience, but the other cruise lines couldn't wait to play follow-the-leader. Now you have Freestyle. Any Time. My Time. Open Seating. Personal Choice. The list goes on, but dining on a cruise ship will never be the same.

2) Ships used to be sleek and elegant, able to carve through the ocean like a hot knife through butter. But they didn't hold enough passengers to keep growing profits. So someone came up with the idea of squared-off, boxy-looking ships that you can keep layering like an onion, making them taller and taller, longer and longer, wider and wider in search of a buck. Some of these ships are building marble walkways on the 11th or 12th deck, 100 feet above the water. Can you say TOP-HEAVY? Again, these measures are being done to enhance the bottom line more than the passenger experience.

3) Here's our brand new ship. Let's call it ________. I think you know where this is going, don't you? Carnival Splendour. Splendour of the Seas. Norwegian Dream. Carnival Dream. Disney Dream. Emerald Seas. Emerald Princess. Legend of the Seas. Carnival Legend. Spirit of Glacier Bay. Carnival Spirit. Aegean Spirit. Spirit of Adventure. Adventure of the Seas. And then there's Holland America, who believes in re-cycling! A few years back, they retired an older ship called the Noordam. So they built a new ship. Called it the Noordam. They've done the same thing with Nieuw Amsterdam, Rotterdam and others. So my suggestion? What about Bob? You could call your ships Tom, Dick and Harry and everyone would remember them as easy as pie. And if you retired Tom, Dick and Harry, they could be replaced by Snap, Crackle and Pop. Or Phyllis, Gladys and Wynnona. Who cares? Instead of rehashing the same old-same old, try something new. How about other nice names like Sunshine? Sunrise? Sunset? How about something elegant like The Carnival Rose? Champagne Princess? Or maybe Rainbow of the Seas? I guess you really can't, because then the other cruise lines would make the Petunia, The Dark Beer, or the Thunder Clap. Actually, I'd like to sail on the Thunder Clap. Sounds like a rip-roaring good time. Then again, the Carnival Bob sounds like a hoot as well. I'm not so sure the Bob Princess is appropriate, but hey - anything to break the monotony!

If you want to know the ins and outs of cruising, and who to sail on for the best experience, just contact Cap'n Bob. I'll lead you to the Promised Land of Vacation Glory (not to be confused with the Carnival Glory or the Ocean Glory).


PULL OVER, LADY! Do you know how SLOWLY you were going?

Police in Northern Wales are having to locate over 300 people they had issued tickets to since March 1st, in an attempt to REFUND more than $29,000 to those motorists. It seems the Police initially issued tickets for people driving TOO SLOWLY on a heavily-patrolled stretch of road - people doing 30 mph or less in a 40 mph zone. However, it was later discovered by the authorities that while they had been targeting that particular stretch of highway, the actual speed limit was 30mph through the area. All of the ticketed parties were completely innocent. None of the 300+ ticket-issuing Officers noticed that the speed limit had been lowered from 40 to 30 over a year ago, and The North Wales Police have apologized for the error.