Orlando, Florida - It's Magically Delicious!

Congratulations to the Orlando Magic, who despite some referee-aided calls against them blew past the Cleveland Cavaliers, to make it to the NBA finals. Not that I really care, but still it's worth a mention just because it's a case of hard work rewarded. Now that we're almost into June, Orlando will see its tourism boosted significantly, with families headed to Disney World, Universal Studios, Sea World, and 3.6 billion putt-putt courses. I like the one where you have to slap it up a ramp and off a wall, down the throat of a giant Dick Cheney head. Don't worry, his mouth is always open. Regarding the theme parks, though, 2009 is THE YEAR to go! It's not like they've cut ticket prices (probably never going to happen), but hotels are undersold this year which makes for excellent pricing. The bigger picture is what I call quality of experience. Ever been to a theme park with the kids, or even on your own, where the most popular rides had lines of an hour-and-a-half? 2 hours? Kind of takes the wind out of your sails. One of the best days I ever had at a theme park it was raining like all get-out, and it kept 30-40% of the potential crowd home. I didn't care how wet I got, there was little or no wait on the rides so it was a great day! In the current economic slump, you can expect smaller crowds, and shorter wait times for popular attractions, with or without rain. So if you have been putting off a trip to Magic Town, grab the phone and call me. You'll be a hit with your whole family, without a big hit to your wallet.

I'm starting to get my own vacation plans in place. Since I'm here at sea all the time, I like to change it up every now and again. My plans include a fishing trip to Ontario Canada, and an annual mecca-like return to my second home, Las Vegas. Yeah, I know about the economy. I've been saving up my pennies. In Vegas you never really have to worry about long lines for attractions, but just like Orlando there's something to be said for when occupancy is down, prices are down, and casinos want and NEED your business. You get a little more personalized service, just a bit more of a "thank you for coming" feel, and with prices being lower than they have been in years, things are looking bright. Also, I'm doing my pilgrimage the same time as last year, during NFL Football season. If you've never been during college and NFL football, it's a must-see, must-do. Take your local sports bar, multiply the energy by 5000%, add in live betting on every game (including "parlays" which are combination bets on multiple games), throw in some rabid testosterone and a pinch of liquor for good measure, and Voila! Vegas Cap'n Bob style! In fact, it's fantastic for the occasional, or ultra-conservative gambler. Why? Let's say you sit down at a blackjack table. Cards are dealt to everyone there. Within 1 minute, you win, lose or tie. Dice can be as fast or faster, sometimes a single roll. Roulette, place your bet and 30-45 seconds later you're a winner or loser. But let's say you're an Ohio State fan. Or Miami Dolphins. You can step up to the counter, place a bet of as little as $5 on a game, then sit back and enjoy the atmosphere for the next 3 hours! In many areas, if you're gambling they'll offer free cocktails, cokes, or water and all you're expected to do is leave a tip for the server. So on any given Saturday or Sunday during football season, you can sit down and bet $5 on an early game, $5 on a late-afternoon game, and $5 on a night game. If you take it easy and just sip a few beverages, you're talking about a FANTASTIC $20 day other than your food. Oh yeah. That's if you lose all your bets. If you win 1 or 2 or 3, the day could theoretically cost you nothing or make you a small profit. It's all good! And if you happen to see a tall, lanky sailor scarfing down a nacho platter, half-pound Angus burger with lettuce, tomato and yellow mustard only, enjoying a rather plentiful variety of beverages in a Dallas Cowboys jersey, come on over and introduce yourself. I'll root for your team too.

GIMME FIVE! We've all seen it, we've all done it. Some momentary excitement has led us to that place, where the only thing that will make it better is a demonstrable slapping of hand-skin above our heads. Good heavens, we really have come to this, haven't we? Anyway, as easy as it sounds, it's not always peaches-and-cream. Sometimes it's sour cream. An El Paso school principal actually calls it assault. Last week, when school superintendent Lorenzo Garcia was giving principals high-fives to celebrate their excellent state test scores, he came to Barron Elementary School principal Mary Helen Lechuga. Apparently Ms. Lechuga missed the memo on how to react as a human being in these situations. She would not raise her hand, so he lightly tapped her on the forehead. Lechuga is a former district administrator who had been recently demoted. After the swing-and-a-miss high-five, she filed a police complaint saying she felt extreme, pulsating pain in her forehead, and feared for her safety at what Mr. Garcia might do next. Garcia said she's just a disgruntled employee, and her complaint is ridiculous. She was recently demoted? REALLY???

Leave no good deed unpunished!

In this day and age, you have to be careful who you do favors for. An Ohio man recently tried to visit Sandusky's Central Park with his family, but they had a hard time enjoying the surroundings. The grass had actually grown to about a foot high, and John Hamilton said enough is enough. He wanted to keep his city looking nice, so he took control of the situation. According to a police report, witnesses said Hamilton went home, returned with a lawn mower, and proceeded to try to tidy up the unkempt public park. Some patrons said he was blowing grass onto the sidewalk, and shredding trash in the park that had not been picked up. City Manager Matt Cline later said he understands Hamilton's frustration, as budget cuts have left the city of Sandusky grossly understaffed, for seasonal maintenance work. Anyway, one of the park patrons told Hamilton to stop mowing, and when he wouldn't the Police were called. They arrested Hamilton after he refused to stop mowing, and charged him with obstructing official business and disorderly conduct. I hope the moronic patron who called the police winds up with ants in his pants.

Supreme Court-esy

You'd think that's what a Judge would get, after a career so distinguished as to be nominated for the highest Court in the US. But that was in the olden days, before every TV and radio station hired partisan hacks to butcher "the other team", 24-7. Politics has become so backstabbing and downright anti-American, it's a true embarrassment to all of us. Prez O just nominated a hispanic female judge, who was originally brought to the Federal bench by George H.W. Bush, who is about as Republican as they come. So there shouldn't be any hard feelings across the aisle, wouldn't you think? WRONG! All this revolves around Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor (the name Sotomayor translates in English to "The Mayor's Soda"). Obama likes her, America seems to like her, and her colleagues respect and like her. Enter Rush Limbaugh (by the way, the name Rush Limbaugh translates in English to "Harsh Lump Bag").

"This woman is a Commie. She's a traitor and a racist, I tell you. To Lord Of The Rings fans, she's Gollum. To Rocky Balboa fans, she's Ivan Drago or maybe Clubber Lange, only...well...shorter, and in a dress."

Anyway, you get the point. She's neither Drago, Lange nor is she Mother Theresa. She's a human being with the same imperfections all of us have, but her credentials make this partisan mixed-martial-arts slugfest a large blemish on America's glowing complexion. Let's hope this all becomes history in short order. She, and we, deserve it.

Times Square is a-changing. I remember the last time I was in New York City, I was having to dodge flying taxis like the old video game Death Race. Now, there is a wide swath of area - 5 blocks in fact - that have been turned into a pedestrians only walkway. What a great idea! Let the public get to know each other up-close and personal, in the greatest melting-pot we have. If you haven't been to New York, or at least not recently, this is a great time to go. The economy has depressed things just enough to make it much easier to get those tough Broadway seats that in past seasons were SOLD OUT. Contact me for rates and availability any time, and make a trek to the golden Apple while the gettin's good.

Be careful what you wish for...that's what they say. An analyst at the Connecticut Police Academy truly believes that now. Former Waterbury police Captain Francis Woodruff was charged Tuesday with disorderly conduct and released on a promise to appear in court, accused of physically maligning a co-worker. Applications analyst Rochelle Wyler said in a police report that she had teeth marks and bruising on the back of her left arm, due to Captain Woodruff. Wyler's complaint alleges Woodruff was annoying her, by standing over her and calling her a clerk. After taunting that seemed to go on forever, she finally responded with "bite me". He did. Captain Woodruff also happens to be a sensitivity training coordinator for the 130-member police department in Meriden, Connecticut just south of Hartford. Note on resume: "Doesn't play well with others...."

Barrelling towards fuel supplements? AGAIN?

As we all know, the oil companies are allowed to gouge customers every year, by raising rates on their product before the Summer driving season. Not because it has somehow become more difficult to get it out of the ground, coincidentally at the same time annually. It's because they can. Even though we have laws against collusion, it doesn't seem to matter. It's a "given" that everyone puts up with, and you can always thank your Congressman for caving to the oil lobby. This year, though, it's creating a sense of uneasiness among travel consumers and travel agents. Just a short year or so ago, when oil cracked $70 per barrel the airlines, cruise lines, and other affected suppliers instituted fuel supplements. Their profits rely so heavily upon keeping fuel at a lower level, that the only way they could think of to level the playing field was to tack supplements on to passengers. Now that oil is well over $60 again, and creeping steadily towards the danger zone, we are keeping a watchful eye and hoping things "cap out" before an already-squirrely traveling public decides enough is enough.

Amazingly, there are still some outrageously-good deals for those who want to see the world, or more of our own USA. My girlfriend loves cold weather and skiing, while the Cap'n prefers 90-degrees in the shade. But every winter, she heads out west to Colorado or Utah to get her ski fix and right now the air prices are incredible. Last January she paid around $400 to go from Charlotte NC to Denver. Tickets to Salt Lake City had been pricing closer to $600. As of this morning, she can fly to Salt Lake City in January 2010 for only $198 roundtrip! That's going to allow her to either save a bunch of money, or upgrade her accommodations at Alta, Snowbird or Park City to something more spectacular than she normally gets. Now that Mexico has been given the green light after the piggie-flu thing, I'm seeing low airfares and plenty of hotel deals there as well. So no matter what type of travel you like, there are specials and promotions to suit just about every wallet. Contact me and I'll give you a helping hand.

As a former professional singer myself, I get a kick out of American Idol. Like him or hate him, Adam Lambert has the most spectacular male voice this show has ever seen, but it was impossible to corral Danny Gokey's audience when he departed at # 3. Those went to Kris for sure, and he won fair and square. But after performing with both Kiss and Queen in the finale, Brian May (lead guitarist and songwriter for Queen) has confirmed the band is in serious talks about hiring Adam as their front-man. The untimely death of Freddie Mercury in 1991 left a gaping hole in what was one of rock's greatest and most prolific bands, and I for one would love to see it. Great band, great singer, and no one is going to questions anything about Lambert fronting a band called Queen.

Never underestimate your Government in action (or is that Government inaction?). According to KOMO-TV in Seattle, the Washington State Supreme Court ruled that Seattle had for 2 years improperly charged water customers, for servicing hydrants. The city is actually responsible, and should have covered the service from general tax funds. So the Court ordered the city to refund customers an average of $45 per household. Feels like justice, right? Don't get used to it. The City Council of Seattle then discovered it had insufficient general funds to pay for hydrant service OR the refunds, and thus imposed a water surcharge of $59 per customer. The most likely reason the surcharge was higher than the original debt is that the city had to pay $4.2 million to attorneys, who had filed the account-shuffling lawsuit in the first place.

The economy has led to some mighty peculiar stories recently. Here's one from the Billings, Montana Gazette: Remo Spencer, who works at the Wal-Mart in Great Falls, was arrested and charged with stealing eight laptop computers and seven iPods from the store's inventory. He aroused suspicion when he offered those items for sale, on the very same Wal-Mart's employee bulletin board.

Remember when you were a kid and you used your imagination, thinking that you were super-creative, but in reality you were just being a typical 6-year old? Life imitates art, and some folks never grow up. Police in Nebraska are looking a man who stole cigarettes while wearing a home-made disguise. Lincoln police Capt. Bob Kawamoto said the man walked into a Kwik Shop convenience store before dawn Monday, wearing an empty Bud Light box on his head as a mask. Kawamoto said the man also had wrapped something around his hand, suggesting he was armed. But the man never showed a weapon. Police said the bandit left with nine packs of smokes valued at nearly $50. He never asked for cash, lottery tickets, more beer....just cigarettes. A Police spokeswoman said Tuesday morning that the robbery was captured on video, and that the man also dropped the empty 12-pack box as he fled. It will be checked for fingerprints, but authorities are questioning whether it's worth pursuing a costly DNA trace over the handful of smokes he stole. I guess pantyhose or a real mask would have cost extra, so using the Bud Light box was more a "crime of convenience" since he had already used the contents of the box. Maybe he considered it a new green concept on recycling. No word out yet on the whereabouts of the Unknown Comic, at the time of the incident....

E.T. calls it home for the last "C-note and a Score"

In this case, I'm not talking about Extra-Terrestrial beings or telephones. That's just code for a big Happy 120th Birthday to Paris's famed Eiffel Tower. Originally built by bridge-builder extraordinaire Gustave Eiffel for the World Exhibition of 1889, critics called it a blight on the Parisian landscape. Its sprawling 984 ft. height makes it twice as tall as the Washington Monument, and it was widely thought the tower would be dismantled shortly after the Exhibition ended. Little did anyone suspect it would become one of the most iconic and romantic spots on Planet Earth, some One Hundred (C-note) and Twenty (Score) years later. People come from all over to visit E.T., and "phone home" about it. You have to actually read that sentence as Inspector Clouseau to get in the spirit of things. A big, drawling "Eee Tee pheuuune hhheuuume" kind of thing. Or not, maybe that's just me. As a trivia tidbit, Monsieur Eiffel had a profound effect on Americana as well. No, not the Eiffel Tower copy at Paris Las Vegas....although it is pretty cool. Remember the big green lady? The one with the torch that stands in the harbor in New York that we got from the French? Yeah her. Gustave Eiffel also was responsible for the construction of Miss Liberty's iron structural framework. I gotta admit, that's pretty impressive coming from one man. I'm almost afraid to keep researching this guy -- next thing you know, I'll find out he's also the inventor of the Bowflex and Snuggie.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho! It's Back To Mexico!

Royal Caribbean cruise line announced today that effective with this weekend's cruises, they are returning to Mexico. The piggie-flu seems to be somewhat of a shrinking violet at this point, and the CDC has removed its travel warnings about visiting Mexico. Thank you. It doesn't appear as if things were ever as wide-spread as originally thought, and many vacationers had their trips or cruises changed or ruined over the last few weeks. As we head into the peak Summer months, it'll be nice to feel a sense of normalcy kicking back in. Royal Caribbean has been so impressed with one of its alternate itineraries, it is actually on the discussion table as a possible addition for 2010. Los Angeles or San Diego-based cruises have had few options to avoid Mexico (you still have to "go foreign" to comply with the law). But one thing they found was a trip from LA to Seattle, Victoria B.C. Canada (on Vancouver Island), and either San Francisco or Astoria Oregon has brought a smile to many travelers' faces. People initially upset about missing Mexico suddenly found they LIKED this new trip. And why not? Great ports with beautiful scenery, legendary sightseeing, and even options to tour California's most noted wine country. There is some thought about alternating this itinerary with Mexico, one then the other, during summer months. Nothing's set in stone yet, but I'll keep you advised.

Next TV show: C.S.I. Neuschwanstein?

For 15 years, police in southern Germany believed they had a lead on a master-criminal. They had been tracking what appeared to be a female serial killer, whose DNA (but no other matching physical evidence) was found at 40 crime scenes, including six murders. Trying not to frighten the public, they cleverly kept this under-wraps for a decade and a half, until a new Detective who came on the case in 2007 began to consider alternative theories. In March of 2009, a State Justice Minister announced the case had finally been solved: There was no serial killer. The DNA matched up in the tests, because the cotton swabs used to collect the evidence had all been contaminated at the factory, by a single female worker back in the mid 90's. The woman had an alibi for virtually every crime on the list, except for her innate carelessness in contaminating a huge number of swabs over the years. Even though it was policy to wear gloves in the sterile factory setting, she chose to go without because they "chafed and chapped her hands." No report on whether the $88.5 million dollars spent on a serial-killer task force for 15 years would ever be re-couped. How do you say BAIL-OUT in German?

Speaking of tax dollars at work, you don't have to look any further than Austin Texas, to see why health care reform is so important in the US. In a study of the last 6 years' admissions at hospital emergency rooms in the Austin area, 900 people were identified as using ERs 6 or more times in the previous 3 months, and 9 patients in particular had made a total of 2,678 visits between them over the length of the study. By those statistics, that puts one of the Hypochondria Nine as visiting the ER every 30 hours over the course of 6 years! Sing it with me: "I'm proud to be an American....."

Can you imagine moving into the White House from Mom & Dad's House? An Ohio man recently dialed 911 to report that his son's bedroom was a complete mess. The emergency operator was expecting Andrew Mizsak to tell her there was "blood on the walls", or "a car had broken through the building from the outside" or something. Nope. Mr. Mizsak was just really peeved at his 28-year-old son, who lives with him and his wife, for not picking up after himself. In fact, his son has an excellent job as a school board member in the Cleveland suburb of Bedford, but when Andrew-the-elder told him he REALLY needed to clean his room, Andrew Jr. threw a plate of food across the kitchen table, and then made a fist at him! Who WOULDN'T dial 911 after all that? The son has lived in a room in his parents' basement, completely rent-free for a decade. After authorities arrived, the father declined to press charges against his son after all. He told police he didn't want to ruin his son's political career, and the son promised to at least make his bed more often. Now that's the kind of bi-partisan teamwork we need in Washington!

"Don't Mess With The LOHAN!"

Sounds like an Adam Sandler movie, but a funny thing happened to actress Lindsay Lohan yesterday. Police said a burglar alarm company called them about 3pm, to report a 10-31 / robbery in progress, when someone tripped the alarm in Ms. Lohan's home in Hollywood, California. Officers quickly arrived at the home, guns drawn, thinking they might be walking into a "perp" in action. However, they soon realized no one was present, including Ms. Lohan, though there were sure signs of a break-in, a tripped alarm, and the home had been "tossed" and ransacked. Not much of a story so far, right? Surprisingly, the inside of the home was not ransacked at all. The burglars never made their way inside, and after further investigation, it was determined that Young Miss Lohan just likes living in a whirlwind of clothing, disarray and junk. One disadvantage of growing up famous is you never learn what things are for. Like drawers, hangars, shelves, dignity....

Looks like the annual "gas price migration" has begun again. Heading North for the Summer. Every year. A few weeks before Memorial Day, when it's obvious people are going to hit the roads for Summer vacation soon, the lovely people at the gas companies take out their gouging tools, sharpen them up real good, and ram them up our tailpipes year after year. It's amazing that nobody has every brought charges of collusion and price fixing, but in America, we tend to say "Oh well" more than we should. In many cases, when gas prices start spiraling upward, it's cheaper to fly somewhere instead of spending hour after hour in the car with the family. Particularly this year - with the economy down, many hotels are offering deal pricing, and when packaged with a flight you can enjoy a wider variety of vacation options, than loading your brood in the car and driving for hours on end. "Are we there yet?" 200 times or more gets tiresome! Call or email me to discuss what might be best for your Summer getaway. Opinions I've got!

Bullwinkle taking Flying Squirrel lessons from Rocky?

Police said a 500-pound moose fell 18 feet to its death, when it apparently leaped a guardrail on Interstate 95 in Maine and landed on Hinckley Road. Officials learned of the incident when a motorist placed a 911 call shortly after 8 a.m. Tuesday, and told respondent Shirley Bailey that "a moose just fell out of the sky." Bailey said the driver, who was under the bridge when he spotted the falling moose, was "pretty excited." After investigating, Police Chief Charles Runnels said the yearling bull probably panicked because of the noise and traffic along I-95, and began running. He said it just picked the wrong spot to jump the guardrail. At least, that's the cover story. I watched The X-Files. I know things. Maybe our friend Bullwinkle was dropped out of the Mother Ship, after hours of probing and genetic mapping and antler scans. Somebody go get Mulder. He'll know what to do.

Do you love technology like I do? It's always a hoot watching a high school or even college-age person trying to make change out of a cash register, when the power is out. They're so used to having the machine tell them how much to give back, it's priceless to see the blank slate when no teleprompter is available. Or when your bill is $19.76, and you hand the clerk a $20 bill plus a penny. The lights are on, but nobody's home. Your brain is screaming GIMME MY QUARTER, but the pillar of American Youth is caught in life's headlights. The good news is, it's not just us! According to the London Telegraph, a shopper was left speechless recently, when she was asked to show ID as proof of age, to buy a set of teaspoons in West Yorkshire, England. The woman gently coaxed the cashier as to WHY she needed to see ID, and the young'un proclaimed, "I dunno, maybe somebody was murdered with a teaspoon or something, but I'm getting a prompt to see your ID, that's why." There were a few uncomfortable words exchanged at the register, before the Store Manager stepped in. He indicated he was unaware of any age restrictions (or criminal background checks) for the purchase of teaspoons, and said it appeared to be some kind of scanner-bar-code mix-up.

Oh, those sensible Brits!

Roger, Roger - what's your vector, Victor?

Scenes from Airplane! the movie, to be sure. But life imitates art, and yesterday an American Airlines flight was coming in to Miami on a normal flight path from San Juan, Puerto Rico. The Pilot on deck was making his basic approach, adjusting fancy knobs and all that Pilot-type stuff, changing radio frequency from position A to position C. OOPS! Meant that to be position B, not C. Oh well, how much damage can be done by selecting a wrong radio frequency? Well, in this day and age it doesn't take much to start a "pandemic" reaction. Seems position C is something the cockpit crew is supposed to select if they are in the process of being hijacked! Next thing you know, there are dozens of emergency vehicles and every-sort-of-Federal officer on the tarmac at Miami International, with scrambled fighter jets from Homestead Air Force Base winging into the sky, to follow the plane in. It appears that none of the 140+ passengers on board knew of any irregularity, until they saw a "welcome" committee befitting a Presidential visit on the ground. Good thing they didn't see the F-16's behind them locked and loaded, or this could have been a much more public display.

Although I've mentioned it before, Disney is still running their 'FREE DINING' promotion at Disney World in Orlando, for those people traveling late Summer and into early Fall. Some of the more popular dates are starting to sell out (particularly in the lower-priced Value Resorts), but availability is better than you might think. If you enjoy visiting The Mouse, call or email me for details of how you can save 30-40% on your Disney trip, by getting meals included.

European budget airline "Easy Jet" is trying to extend a new in-flight attraction: live weddings. The airline has petitioned the British Council, asking permission for its pilots to officiate weddings in-flight at 30,000 feet. They feel it would really get honeymooners a leg "up", being fresh as a daisy when they arrived at their post-nuptial destination. Of course, that would never work in the USA. I can hear the flight attendants now:
"Please keep your seatbacks in the upright position, monitor the seat belt sign above your heads, and remember that the throwing of garters or bouquets is a Federal crime, punishable by 25 years to life."

An alleged shoplifter with a bottle of whiskey in his pants decided to take one more gamble before leaving the B&S Liquor Store in Hartford, Wisconsin: filling out a raffle ticket. The man had been under surveillance by store employees, as he walked around the store with a litre of Johnny Walker Red stuffed down his jeans. As he confidently strode towards the door, the 20-year old suspect noticed a raffle box on the counter - a chance to win a ticket to a car race, at the nearby Slinger Speedway. The offer was just too tempting, so the man completed the raffle ticket, including putting his actual address and phone number on it, then for good measure grabbed two more whiskey bottles before fleeing. Store owner Steve Jost said the clerk saw the alleged perp fill out the form and drop it in the box, before completion of the crime. What the young man didn't know was that the box had been emptied the night before, so his "entry" was the only one in the box, making it very easy for police to locate and arrest him. The booze was also found at his property, and the suspect was charged with misdemeanor retail theft, resisting an officer, and disorderly conduct. No word on whether he'd be eligible to attend the event at Slinger Speedway if his name is drawn a 2nd time....

Bigger....and badder than life?

The owners of a Croatian bakery in the city of Split say their shop was broken into every week, until they recently put a life-size poster of Hollywood tough-guy Chuck Norris in the window. Next to the poster was a sign saying, "Beware - This shop is under the protection of Chuck Norris." The owners say that since the new night watchman was displayed, they haven't had a break-in for over a month. One worker says, "To be honest we just started it as a joke, but it seems to have really worked. People just respect him (Norris). Everyone around has seen his films and he's very popular in Croatia, perhaps even among criminals, so they've decided to leave us alone." Sing it with me - "Everybody was Kung-Fu Baking!"

Just-Over-A-Grand Cayman

We've all seen the results of the Piggie-Flu recently, crushing tourism to Mexico by air or cruise ship. The CDC (Center for Disinformation out of Context) got way too many people way too excited way too fast, in my opinion, about the "Big P". I'm not talking about the word Pandemic. More like Pandemonium. Or Panic. Or Patently Overblown. Or Piggie Paranoia. Now in defense of World-wide scholars and medical pundits, they're trying to get a handle on a brand new virus, but they allowed media vultures to bite that raw meat with fangs-a-glaring. Certainly this was a serious situation, but very early on it was indicated this was not likely to be bubonic plague, but something much more regionalized in its severity. It wasn't until panicked Americans forced the cruise lines to avoid Mexico in its entirety, and airlines to cancel a huge number of flights, that the truth seemed to eek its way out. Suddenly "Headline News" wasn't even worth a mention. Too late for Mexico. Their tourism industry took a lethal hit from this, and had the unexpected side-effect of having hundreds of thousands of travelers suddenly scrambling last-minute for other "Mexico-like" destinations. Clearly, the islands of The Caribbean benefited from this the most, and a few shining gems were uncovered when the sand was pushed back.

Take for instance Grand Cayman island. Super little beach and dive destination, directly below Cuba as if Florida were a giant finger pointing "Lookee here!" Cruise ship passengers are quite familiar with the gorgeous white sands of Seven Mile Beach, diving the "Cayman Wall" or snorkeling from a tour boat to see the wonders of Davey Jones' Locker. But not nearly as many people fly there for a short stay. Because of its size there's not much agriculture there, so most food stores have to be imported, which means meals are a bit pricey. Kind of like Bermuda. But similarly to Bermuda, it's a dreamy little escape island, where English is freely spoken and it's a single plane ride from the USA directly there. Granted there are World-class resorts and hotels on Bermuda and Grand Cayman, but Cayman also has a few more "economy" properties - still clean and well managed, but without breaking the bank. As an example, the Sunshine Suites resort in Grand Cayman can be done for a quick 2-night weekend, including air from Charlotte, for less than $550 per person. That's air, hotel, hotel taxes and transfers for a stunning weekend trip. Is it the Ritz? No, but you can buy the Ritz if you prefer - but it gets nice, solid reviews on Trip Advisor and my clients seem to love it as an inexpensive getaway. There are a dozen other properties if you prefer to upgrade to something a bit fancier, too.

You know what's really great about weekends in Grand Cayman? Besides the water, beach, sunshine, fun, excitement and all that? It's not crowded in the least! The vast majority of cruise ships leave the USA on Saturday or Sunday, and since they can only travel at what is the equivalent of 20-22 mph (actual speed in knots) and they have to go around Cuba to get there, Grand Cayman is very laid back on the weekends. It's the Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday crowd you want to avoid if possible. But if you've never been, this is a delightful place to go hang your banana-leaf hat for a couple of days. Ahhhhhhhhh...

Those wacky Philly phanatics!

Warwick High School in Lancaster County, about 65 mile from Philadelphia, ran into unexpected headlines regarding this year's Prom dance. It wasn't about suggestive lyrics, inappropriate dancing, uproar about who was named King or Queen, nothing you might expect. It was about the Tzotchkes (pronounced CHOTCH-keys). If you aren't familiar with the Yiddish term Tzotchkes, it literally translates as "piece" from the original Hebrew. It's just a little something-something. A knick-knack. It could be a rabbit's foot, a miniature porcelain figurine, or more commonly a giveaway gift that everyone receives at a party or event. Last year, the girls who attended Prom all received a picture frame, to remind them of the special night. The boys got a money clip, apparently to remind them how much they just spent on a corsage and dinner on the future Mrs. Whatever (or so it seemed that night). Assistant Principal Scott Galen is quoted as saying, "Unfortunately, this year's Junior Class didn't have quite as much money as last year's, so they ordered a generic 'prom souvenir' for everyone from the same company." That's all the description said: Prom Souvenir. The Principal signed off on the order as well, figuring how controversial can it be? It's a Tzotchke for goodness' sake. That was until last week when each of the prom recipients took home a cute little memento of that oh-so-special night, which parents immediately complained about in huge numbers. Turns out they weren't particularly thrilled when 450 students came back home with shot glasses imprinted with "Happy Prom Night." Assistant Principal Galen has assured parents this will never happen again. He meant to say "At least until Freshman Rush at (name any University here).

A man in is suing a Burger King in Virginia for failing to "hold the pickles" from his burger, as they advertised they would do. The incident took place about 2 years ago. Dairus Dugger's complaint says he had specifically asked for a hamburger without pickles, tomatoes or onions. After driving off, he bit into the burger, only then realizing the restaurant had failed to honor his order. Dugger claims he suffered a "severe allergic reaction" to the vicious veggies in question, which caused him to miss work and incur huge medical bills. He is suing Burger King Holdings Corporation, the parent company of the facility where the purchase was made, seeking $100,000 in damages, plus court and legal fees. This is one for Judge Judy if you ask me. Mr. Dugger apparently felt that the educational background, internal accuracy control and reliability index of the people working the drive-thru at 2:15am of this particular Burger King were beyond reproach. Plus it is incredibly labor-intensive to actually LIFT the bun on your burger, to see that your "severe allergy" has not been undermined, even if by accident. Go ahead, Judge Judy - throw the book at those evil beef barons!

Hey Liberty - Is Statue?

Matt, Meredith, Al and Ann from the Today Show brought some big GREEN news to America this morning. Effective July 4th, the Statue Of Liberty's signature crown viewing area (and the winding staircase to get there) will re-open for the first time since shortly after 9/11. That used to be one of the highlights of a Big Apple tour, and thankfully with new security measures in place, visitors will once again be able to celebrate Miss Liberty in high fashion. "Give me your tired, your poor, your Mets fans, and anyone from New Jersey yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of the lower East side, and anyone else who has an extra $50 or so to spend on souvenirs and knick-knacks. Send these, the homeless, ruthless, toothless, tempest-tossed to me, and I'll lift my lamp and a few Bud Lights. Wanna join me?"

The big cruise news recently has been that virtually every cruise line caved under consumer pressure, dropping all Mexican ports and re-routing ships with little or no notice. In theory, it was for passenger protection, though the swine flu has looked less and less like a pandemic, and more like a pandemonium knee-jerk than anything else. Still, better safe than sorry, right? Not according to many irate passengers. People do have to read the fine print. When booking with a supplier, there are always dozens of paragraphs or pages of "fine print" explaining emergency and contingency plans. Most people on the Planet never bother to read that stuff, until one day when an unusual circumstance arises, calling for a change of itinerary, cancelled or replaced port of call, etc. Then it's Katie-bar-the-door. Your basic human nature on display, and we all know how ugly THAT can get! Anyway, by mid-June everyone should be back to a state of normalcy, and I for one can hardly wait.

So are you enjoying this holiday week? What's that? Mother's Day? NO WAY - I'm talking about May 6-13, which has been dubbed "World Cocktail Week." The celebration began a while back, sponsored at least in part by the Museum Of The American Cocktail in New Orleans, and has spread to all parts of fair Mother Earth. Well, sort of. Some people in the far reaches of the Globe are unaware of World Cocktail Week, but they continue to drink anyway - celebrating "Thursday" or something. But it's good to know there's more to the fine art of swiggery than just localized participation. I'm all-in for World-wide celebration, so pass the rum and maybe some of that fried chicken you've got over there. No, to your left. By the sofa.

"Tonight there's gonna be a Jailbreak" (Thin Lizzy)

We've all heard stories about prisoners escaping from work details, that sort of thing. But how about walking away from Death Row? That's what happened in New York City this week, when a cow simply found a security breach and walked out of a slaughterhouse. She may have a new lease on life, now. New York police said the all-black cow "escaped" from Musa Hala, Inc. about 1 p.m. Wednesday, where animals are butchered according to religious restrictions. She wandered nearly a mile before she was corralled and captured by Emergency Services officers. She was then safely delivered to the city's Animal Care and Control center, where she was nicknamed "Molly." Officials there are looking into whether Molly can be placed at a farm sanctuary to live out her life, or if she must be returned for slaughter. It depends on whether anyone comes forward to claim her. Not surprisingly, when Molly was found she was carrying a sign that read "Eat Mor Chikin!"

Rocky Mountain High - VERY High!

Somewhere, John Wayne is rolling over in his grave, after a recent incident in Denver. According to KUSA-TV, Police there cited a sidewinding cowboy for "riding under the influence." The man received a $25 citation in a strip-mall parking lot, after receiving reports that he couldn't stay in his saddle and was swerving erratically. The man claimed he was just out for a joyride on his horse, Cricket. Police Sgt. Jeff Monzingo said someone must have really scoured the books to write a drunken-riding citation, the first he'd seen in 15 years of law enforcement. Riding an animal while under the influence is a Class B traffic violation, according to Colorado law. Police said deciding what to do with the horse after the "vehicle stop" was tricky, because unlike a typical DUI case, "you can't really tow a horse!" A local stable owner stepped in to solve the problem, by offering the man and his mount a ride home.

Thank you Good Citizen, thank you. Now that I think about it, maybe you can tow a horse. To water. But you can't make him drink. That's my department....