Mundane Monday

Everyone is feeling the post-Olympic blues today. As I was driving to the dock this morning, I kept expecting to see thousands of Chinese acrobats hanging off the buildings. No luck, only a handful of pigeons which failed to generate the same level of excitement I can assure you.

I'm trying to get myself revved up for the next big thing, the Democratic Convention, followed immediately by the Republican Convention. Yes, it's the once-every-4-years Uncle Sam dog and pony show, but this year it may be a little more rough and tumble than in recent years. It appears that everybody hates everybody these days! I'm already sick of the TV ads and speeches, telling us how lousy the other guy is. Can you imagine if that had been the case in the days of our founding fathers? America's first contested presidential election was 1796, when George Washington refused a 3rd term, so the choices were John Adams vs. Thomas Jefferson, in a 2-out-of-3-falls steel cage match, with Ric Flair as the guest referee. Oops, sorry -- I always get that particular election confused with Wrestlemania III. Anyway, picture a reporter tracking down Thomas Jefferson backstage, while he was re-dusting his wig before an appearance on the Gerald Springer Stage Show......

"Mr. Jefferson! Mr. Jefferson!! Samuel Donaldson here, for the Rhode Island Free Press Constitution Daily Herald And National Enquirer. There are rumors circulating that you think Mr. Adams is unqualified to be President, although most people feel he's a fine choice representing the Federalists. Do you care to comment?"

"Well, Mr. Donaldson -- and by the way, that is a sharp wig you have on. Very interesting the way it combs across from one ear to the other, but QUITE NATURAL I must say. As for Mr. Adams, let's just say the large sloping forehead he displays could be very put-offish, to foreign dignitaries and kings expecting a man with a much more standard hairline. Also, have you noticed he smells distinctly of tobacco and elderberries? I, on the other hand, dress more as a Dandy, with great posture and have frequented the bath more often, to make myself more of a public countenance representing these United States. Furthermore, my running mate Mr. Aaron Burr is a huge advocate of the 2nd Amendment right to bear arms, and incidentally has been seen in the company of one of the most gifted entertainers of our time, Brittania Spears."

You get the idea. That kind of politics would have sounded equally absurd back then, and I truly wish the candidates would RESPECT THE INTELLIGENCE OF THE CONSTITUENCY, by telling us what they can do for us individually, not waste time speculating on what the opponent can't do. Here's a starting point:

Obama, you are not too inexperienced, and you're a thoughtful, intelligent man fully capable of being our next President. McCain, you're not too old for the job, and have shown you can be a leader capable of being President as well. OK - now can we get past the garbage politics? All the American people want you to do is talk to us. Tell us the truth, because although you may not believe it, we can tell when you don't. So there!!

Well lookee here, Labor Day is Peking (blatant post-Olympic reference) around the corner. Hard to believe it's nearly September, and were entering another Holiday phase. It's just about too late to plan for a trip this weekend, but more long weekends are a-comin'. For any couples looking to get away over Thanksgiving, as an example, how about trying "Couples" in Jamaica? These beautiful all-inclusive resorts are made for -- yes, you guessed it, couples! Not that there is anything wrong with children. I believe that children are the future...teach them well, and let them lead the way. But NOT when I'm on vacation!! Cap'n Bob doesn't have any kids, and playing with yours or anyone else's is not my idea of a good time. Heck, I can't hardly spit around kids. No, I'm happy to lounge by a gorgeous beach, washing down my fried plantains and jerk chicken with one of those little fruity drinks with a wee tiny umbrella in it, thank you very much Sir or Madam. We can always get discounted rates at Couples resorts, so feel free to call 800-835-9828 any time you'd like to go!

Post script: John Adams defeated Jefferson in 1896. See what negative politicking gets ya?!