The polls are just a few hours from closing on the East Coast, and people are starting to twitch in their seats. Maybe it's just chafing, but I'd like to think it's anticipation, preparing for tonight's "results show." Who will get voted off the island? Will people be using The O Word in politics for the next 4 years, or are they driving through right now, ordering up a 72-year old Big Mac? Either way it'll be historic, and something many felt they'd never live to see. You know what I'm talking about. Something so mind-blowing that just a few short years ago, people would have scoffed at the possibilities. Think about it. If the Democrats win, we'll finally have something this country has NEVER HAD before -- a vice president from Delaware with a serious case of Hair Club For Men scalp plugs....which by the way didn't make a heck of a lot of difference, truth be told. On the other hand, if the Republicans win, we'll have a VP who couldn't pass the Jeopardy contestant quiz, or likely make it past Round 2 on "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" Yes, it's history in the making folks, and you can now tell your grandkids "I was there!"
In Florida, there was a rumor earlier today about Hanging Chads. I don't think it's a coincidence that over 200 people named Chad have fled the State for their personal safety, until after the election when an ALL CLEAR comes out.
I think it's a shame that anyone on Planet Earth is having to hear the names William Ayers or Jeremiah Wright today. Saturday Night Live actually coined a phrase for that kind of politicking: Strategery. In a perfect world, Karma and all that, negative ads will feed themselves with negative results. We should be so lucky as for the American Electorate to see through the shadows. Of course, the last-minute attack ads never feature the candidates' names on them. No, it's groups like Freedom-Loving-Patriots-For-Bigotry-And-Fear, or The-Society-For-The-Opposition-Candidate-Will-Eat-Your-Children. Imagine how innocent Swift Boat sounds compared to the fine-print sleaze that's filled our TV screens recently. Oh well, it'll be over and done before the bell tolls Midnight tonight.
In September, scientists at Emory University's Primate Research Center reported that chimps seem to remember other chimps through "whole body" integration. Don't know what that means? Let The Cap'n simplify it for you: If a chimp sees a body part from another chimp, it causes them to envision the entire body. The researchers came to this conclusion because chimps who were shown photos of an acquaintance-chimp's backside could, more often than random chance allows, identify the face of the other chimp that sported said backside. Yes, they recognize each other by their booty. And here you thought Darwinian Theory was a joke. It's obvious they've got the same cognitive powers as us lowly humans....
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