Titanic Misjudgement

If you had to describe the "Dollywood" theme park in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee (home of everything Parton), the word classy never really comes to mind. Over-the-top, certainly. Cornball, absolutely. Family-friendly, I guess so. That is, until their latest attraction went from blueprint stage to actual groundbreaking. The keel was laid this week for what's being billed as Titanic Pigeon Forge, a massive attraction (or detraction) of some 30,000 sq. feet, designed in the shape of the ill-fated liner. At a cost of $25million, the new "ship" will be christened in the spring of 2010, and it will contain a museum with artifacts raised (stolen) from the watery grave where Titanic still sits, on the North Atlantic floor. They will attempt to re-create the ship's famous winding Grand Staircase, a 1st-class Suite, a 3rd-class cabin and even the Marconi wireless room, where the original crew tried in vain to summon assistance. Mom, Dad and the kiddies will get to touch an iceberg, feel what 28 degree water is like (by dipping a pinky in, not shivering in horror while hundreds of people around them were dying), and they can climb into a lifeboat and send an SOS message. 'Scuse me while I throw up, but does this macabre, crass, profiteering idea sound like a day of fun for the family? I think it's insidious. If you want to cash in on people's death and tragedy, do your little museum. But to re-build a replica of the ship like it's some kind of Epcot thrill ride? Shame on you Dollywood Management, and shame on Dolly herself for not stepping forward and admitting this is all about the money. What's next, a 9/11 museum with interactive experiences? Yeah, that would last about 5 minutes before you'd be screamed into submission. And don't go saying it's like visiting Pearl Harbor or some such garbage, either. Pearl Harbor is an actual shrine in and of itself, but if some dollar-monger decided to build a fake Pearl Harbor at Dollywood to make a buck, I'd be on this same pulpit!

YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK. The Attleboro, Massachusetts Sun Chronicle ran a story recently about Eileen Wilbur, a 74-year old blind woman, who received a threat from the City that they were going to put a lien on her house, if she failed to pay her water bill which was over a year past due. City Collector Debora Marcoccio said that her office had actually sent out over 2,000 similar notices, in an effort to re-coup lost revenues. Mrs. Wilbur, the offender, did not know about the discrepancy until her daughter happened to stop over and read the notification. She was given until Dec. 10th to pay the past-due debt, or face an additional penalty of $48 as well as the lien on her home of 50 years. Tax Collector Marcoccio defended her department's position on principle, saying "My question is, why wasn't it paid when the original bill went out in 2007?" I'm sure there is some merit to the question, although there is virtually NO merit to the situation. As it turns out, Eileen Wilbur owes the City of Attleboro .01 cent. That's right, her bill was for a penny. Ms. Marcoccio spent .42cents of taxpayer money, not counting any manpower time spent (wasted), asking the offender to pay .42cents as well, to collect a penny. Mrs. Wilbur's daughter, Rose Brederson, called the entire incident laughable and ridiculous, and said she'll drop the penny off at the City Collector's office when she's downtown next week. I can just hear Collector Marcoccio's thoughts in reply to that: "You'd BETTER, that's all I have to say...."

Or what, Madam?! A quick P.S. to the daughter, Ms. Brederson....get a receipt....

The Colombia SC State newspaper has also reported a situation involving a public servant, who is doing her best to be her worst. Police in Cobb County, Ga. recently accused County Commissioner Annette Kesting of asking a local high voodoo priestess, GeorgeAnn Mills, to perform a death ritual on her longtime political rival, Woody Thompson. Ms. Kesting didn't want it to be too gruesome or exotic, asking only for something simple like cancer or a car accident. Mills acknowledged taking money from Kesting, to attend to some "family" issues for her by sacrificing three hens and a rooster, but said she would never be involved in anything criminal. Heaven forbid! Or if not Heaven, maybe it's that other place.

Congratulations to British citizen Sarah Burge, age 49, who has just made it into the Guinness Book Of World Records, according to the London Daily Mail on Oct. 29th. The lovely Sarah B. broke the standing record for most cosmetic surgery procedures, having now spent what amounts to around $850,000 US dollars on more than 100 nips, tucks, squeezes, slices, dices, juliennes, peels, layers, removals, additions, insertions and extractions. Joan Rivers could not be reached for comment. Sarah said "It's all good, really. The only downside, besides the financial part, is that people often mistake me for Michael Jackson or a car that's been dropped from a 10-story building. Otherwise, it's pretty much life as usual...."