Let's not go overboard...

Last week it was a possible jumper going overboard on an NCL cruise, and New Year's Eve (just after midnight) a Carnival cruise line staff member went overboard as well, though this one was clearly an accident with witnesses. Was alcohol involved? All indications say yes, and it's very unfortunate. In the old days of cruising, when there weren't so many balconies and exposed areas, it was extremely rare to hear of anyone going overboard on a ship, but the combination of much easier access to open air, plus the fact that more people cruise now than in years past, makes this unfortunately more common. No one fully understands suicide anyway, but a long fall to the water in the dark, where you may or may not live for a while, sounds particularly morbid to me. We can only hope this phase passes with a much lesser number of incidents in the future.

TAKE OFF, EH? That famous line is repeated by brothers Bob & Doug McKenzie (Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas), from their SCTV skit Great White North. And this new year, it applies to someone else. On New Year's Eve, Northwest flight 59 departed from Amsterdam, heading to Boston Mass with a head-count of 124 people on board. Approximately 8 hours later, the flight landed safely at Boston's Logan International Airport. The headcount? 125. No, that's not a misprint...a Dutch woman went into labor and gave birth to a baby girl, a couple of hours before landing. Even though the mother and child needed to be rushed to Mass General Hospital, they had to be wheeled through US Customs along the way. Passenger 125, as yet unnamed, still had to be accounted for and a nationality declared. After a few minutes of discussion, it was determined by the authorities that the birth had taken place in airspace belonging to Canada, making the child legally Canadian! Yeah. Try to figure the paperwork out on THAT one... Take off, eh?!

Police in Westchester County, New York said a recent driver's test left a lot to be desired. A New Rochelle police spokes-person reports a 23-year-old driver was taking a routine driving test, when she rounded a corner Wednesday morning, lost traction and wound up hitting and pinning a man who was cleaning snow off his car. Lt. George Marshall says the examiner tried to use the test car's secondary set of brakes, but they failed. The 33-year-old victim was taken to a hospital with leg and shoulder pain. Investigators are trying to determine whether the accident was due to equipment failure, driver inexperience, speed, snow, or ineffective reaction by the in-car tester. Lt. Marshall says no citations have been issued, but the student-driver will have to retake the test. That would be AFTER the lawsuit, I'm sure.

You know what they say about champagne tastes and a beer budget? In this economy, even the beer ain't cheap, but a Kenosha Wisconsin man wasn't going to let a little thing like being broke stop him from throwing a big-'ol Holiday bash. The Associated Press reports that 43-year-old Brian A. Rubenstein tried to steal $625 in groceries. It's sad to hear, but I was anticipating the theft was milk, eggs, cereal, veggies, etc. Then I kept reading. It turns out Mr. Rubenstein's basket contained $365 worth of lobster, $213 in ribeye and beef roasts, a smoked ham, an apple pie and a fruit platter. Police in Racine, where the store is located, said the man was arrested Dec. 23 after store employees caught him walking out with a loaded cart. He was charged with misdemeanor retail theft, which carries a maximum penalty of nine months in prison and a $10,000 fine. I'm thinking your prison "eats" are going to be more along the oatmeal and gruel line, so good luck finding a cellmate who keeps lace napkins and caviar handy, Brian...

Hey Brits! Get a puppy for heaven's sake. The British Federation of Herpetologists (no, nothing to do with a disease) recently announced that the number of reptiles kept as pets in the U.K. has clearly surpassed the number of pet dogs nation-wide (8.5 million slimers, to about 6 million woofers). One benchmark the federation used for its calculation is the booming sales in reptile food, such as locusts, frozen rodents and crickets, now about 20 million a week. I don't know which is more disturbing: Mumsy and Daddy buying snakes, skinks and alligators for the kids, or whether it's possible that Brits are finding new edible uses for locusts, rodents and crickets. Remind me to skip the porridge and stew next time I'm over there. Puh-LEASE!

Did somebody just Swoosh by me? A woman named Arien O'Connell posted the fastest time in 2008's Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco, and logically she expected to be declared the winner. Ehhhhh, not so much. Nike executives had made an extensive bid to bring elite runners to the competition, to bolster its National standing in events of its sort. One of the perks they threw in was a promise that one of this elite group would surely be declared the "winner." Consequently, first place was given to a woman who ran 11 minutes behind O'Connell. After a storm of complaints, Nike reluctantly settled on calling both women "winners" and promised to review the matter before the 2009 race. By those same standards, Nike has decided to look back to 1990 retrospectively, to Super Bowl 24. Apparently more Denver Broncos were wearing Nike undergarments than the San Francisco 49'ers, so Denver was declared the winner despite a stupid scoreboard that showed a final score of 55-10 in favor of the 49'ers. I mean fair-is-fair, right?

Speaking of people who can't run as fast as they thought, William Jarrett, age 38, was charged in Hempstead Village, New York with swiping a necklace from a 32-year-old pregnant woman. He grabbed the necklace from her and ran off at top speed. Despite her condition, the woman chased after him for six blocks, screaming at him to stop. She caught up to him and was attempting to wrestle the necklace away from him, just as a police officer was arriving on the scene. Explain that one to your cellmate, Homes.