Thelma and Louis?

Once again, there is news about people somehow failing to remain on board a ship the size of three football fields, and going into the water. This time on the West Coast, aboard Carnival Paradise. What makes this story uniquely STRANGE is it was not one person, but two. A married couple. Even more bizarre was their ages, 90 and 79. The did not disembark the ship when it returned to Los Angeles. When crewmembers tried to contact them, they found the balcony stateroom still had a Do Not Disturb sign on the door, and had been double-locked from the inside. All the couples' belongings appeared to be intact. The door to the balcony was unlocked, though not open. No one knows the details at this point, but the US Coast Guard gave up a search after 30 hours. They said the water temperature of 57 degrees would have only sustained life 4-5 hours maximum anyway. Most people are thinking less about an evil deed and suicide, and maybe it's just a romantic notion but observers think it could be a "hearts must go on" moment, a la the Titanic. It might sound romantic, but the reality is there is no director there to yell "CUT!", or team of rescue divers to pull them out for a happy ending. Having witnessed the power and unforgiving nature of the ocean for decades, I will not play the romantic here. That's a miserable idea and one hell of a way to leave this world. Let's all hope people come to their senses and the legacy of jumpers and fallers from cruise ships is a short one.

Genetic modification sounds like frighteningly-complicated laboratory work, but amateurs are routinely doing it in garages and dining rooms all across the country, according to a recent Associated Press report. Hobbyists (some who have termed themselves "biohackers") are busy creating new life forms and someday, observers say, may turn up a cure for cancer or an accidental environmental catastrophe. The community lab DIYbio in Cambridge, Mass., has patrons who typically work on vaccines and biofuels, but in their spare time they'll do things like whimsically try to create tattoos that glow. One amateur bought jellyfish DNA containing a green fluorescent protein (for about $100), and built a DNA analyzer (less than $25) so she could alter yogurt bacteria to glow green, when it detects melamine. If you recall, that's the substance recently discovered in Chinese baby formula and pet food. Yeah, for heaven's sake let's don't eat any melamine, but green fluorescent jellyfish protein sounds DELISH!
"Igor: this day-glo orange salamander puddin' is wonderful. What's the secret ingredient? Spent radium isotope?"

Shades of The Cincinnati Kid again! Jessica Cohen, 20, was arrested in Cincinnati in December, on a theft charge. Claiming she could not afford a lawyer, she was sent to the Public Defender's Office, to seek a lawyer to represent her on the theft charge. While there, according to police, the sticky-fingered Ms. Cohen stole an employee's cell phone and fled. Unfortunately for Miss Jessie, she had already filled out paperwork giving her actual name and address. I'm guessing there was a place on the form for a telephone number, to which she easily could have written in "Yours, thank you very much!" Now she's facing 2 theft charges, represented by a ticked-off attorney. She may want to consult her Magic 8-Ball to ask if she's going to spend her entire adult life in the slammer:
Reply hazy, try again later.

This will give a warm-and-fuzzy feeling to people who are already anxious fliers. In December, a Flybe Airline flight from Cardiff, Wales was preparing to land at Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris. Just before final approach, the pilot came on the speaker system, announcing the plane would be returning to Wales because of heavy fog on the ground in Paris. "Unfortunately, I will not be able to land the plane in Paris as scheduled. Because of heavy fog, we would have to do an instrument-landing, and I have not yet completed my certification for that. So we're going back."

Willie Windsor, age 54 of Phoenix has for several years lived as a full-time baby, wearing frilly dresses, diapers and bonnets, sucking on a pacifier, eating Gerber cuisine and habitually clutching a rag doll, in a home filled with oversized baby furniture. According to a Phoenix New Times newspaper profile, the diaper is not just a prop. Apparently Windsor's brother, ex-wife, and neighbors tolerate his lifestyle. Windsor is a semi-retired singer-actor and said he's been celibate for nine years. Gee, Willie...celibate for nine years, eh? Hard to believe no woman has seen beyond the pacifier to your true hunkiness. Quoth The Big Bopper: "Hellll-ooo BAAA-BY!"