Southern Discomfort

Once again, a small adventure ship that cruises the regions of Antarctica has run aground, leaving its passengers literally high-and-dry. Quark Expeditions' 68-passenger Ocean Nova is stuck in Antarctica's Marguerite Bay, west of Debenham Island and near the Argentine research station San Martin. Initial reports have all passengers safe, but not the happiest of penguin-watchers at the moment. Among the souls on board are 21 Americans. Taking one of these little tubs reminds me of a twist on a military tag line: "It's not just an adventure, it's a JOB!" You can bet it doesn't feel like much of a vacation to those folks right now, but they made their decision to avoid Princesses, Holland America and Celebrity to branch out on a "different" kind of trip. Well, lads and lassies, you want different you got it. I've never been an advocate of older, small ships except for the extremely hardy (and foolhardy). I'm just too old and beat up to let the ocean have its way with me these days. As a booking agent, give me the 99.9% of the American public that's perfectly fine with a normal trip, and I'll gladly leave you the other 00.1%. Enjoy them. Until the phone rings from Antarctica.

Prez O has just signed the 2009 Stimulus Bill. I checked to see if I felt any more stimulated, and so far there's nothing to report. Maybe the extra caffeine in my system is keeping me from feeling it, but I'm still going to give Prez O the benefit of the doubt. After the last 8 years, I'm up for any change - even the nickels I find on the street. Who knows, that could be my salary sometime down the road.

Don't mess with Utes! A suspected car thief now faces the wrath of the Utah justice system, after facing the wrath of a ticked-off woman in a parking lot. Yvonne Morris, a technician at the Brickyard Animal Hospital in Salt Lake City said she saw a man break into a co-worker's vehicle, and she chased the man down. He kept squirming away from her, but on the 3rd time she caught up with him, Ms. Morris grabbed hold of the man's boxer shorts and pulled him a super-wedgie. Salt Lake City police said she then she put a headlock on the man, until help could arrive moments later. The man was booked into the county jail on suspicion of vehicle burglary, possession of stolen property and outstanding warrants. He was also treated for some really, really sore areas, as well as an incredibly bruised ego. See you in court forthwith.

How much would YOU pay for a cup 'o Joe from Starbucks? For a jewelry salesman from Kansas, it could end up costing a bit more than expected, and that's not even counting the the mocha bran muffin. Police say the un-named salesman stopped for coffee Monday at a Starbucks in Parker, Colorado just south of Denver. While returning to his car, he was held up at gunpoint by 3 masked robbers, who escaped with three tubs of jewelry and a briefcase. The briefcase contained the salesman's protective handgun, but he failed to take it with him on his java stop (Doh!). Police didn't immediately identify the 64-year-old salesman, at his request, but said the robbers made off with approximately $300,000 worth of jewelry. Mmmmmm, that's good coffee!

Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young said "Teach Your Children Well." In Kansas, that has a whole new meaning. A high school student's keen eye has caught an error on a State test that managed to slip past teachers, test coordinators and other students for almost a year. Geoffrey Stanford, 17, discovered during a writing test last week that an essay question concerning greenhouse gases incorrectly used the word "omission" for the word "emission." The Wichita East High School junior pointed out the error. He said,"Surely they're not talking about leaving out carbon dioxide altogether. It just didn't make sense." The state Department of Education has e-mailed a corrected version of the essay question to test coordinators around the state, but the incident already has caused a lot of red faces at the department, which used a committee of more than 30 Kansas teachers to develop the test almost two years ago. The questions had been tested in 50 high schools last spring, on literally thousands of students. Mr. Stanford said he is careful with his written work and called himself a "stickler for grammar and vocabulary, and the correct use of words." Of course, later in the song CSNY also add the words "Teach Your Parents Well." Way to go, Geoffrey.