Jimmy Crack Peanuts, and I Don't Care...

As Presidents go, Jimmy Carter was one of them. I think by anyone's account, of the 44 men who have taken the U.S. Presidential oath, he definitely ranks somewhere in the Top 42. When you ask for a 1-word assessment of President Carter, you'll hear things like "nice." Not that nice is a bad thing, but he's done more noteworthy things since he left office than when he was at the helm. Now there is an active bill in Congress to make Jimmy Carter's Plains, Georgia home a National Park. From a USAToday story I read earlier today, that might make it the first-ever haunted National Park. After Jimmy got out of the Navy, he and Rosalind moved into a shabby house on the edge of town, known mostly for a shadowy figure that was sometimes seen through a 2nd-floor window, the occasional scream-out-of-nowhere at night, and even a dog that disappeared. Now when you're talking about a non-haunted house, you'd probably say "the dog ran away." But how boring is that? Not at all in line with the context of spookiness, and evil-incarnate in a town of 635 in rural Georgia! So for the purpose of bulldozing this legislation through the Halls of Congress, we'll stick to the mystery of the vanishing pooch. You're probably asking, "What makes this creaky old structure worthy of becoming a National Park?" I'm asking the same thing. Doesn't Shrine-dom require some action remotely shrine-worthy? Sounds to me like it's a favor-for-a-favor thing, and this junker-of-a-house has no more National appeal than say Bob Saggett's childhood home. Or Al Roker's garage. In fact, I'll take Al Roker's garage any day over the haunted peanut farm.

OK now let's review. Place these National Parks in the order of their importance to Our Nation's history:

1) Yosemite
2) The Grand Canyon
3) Mount Rushmore
4) Yellowstone
5) Statue Of Liberty
6) Flippin' Jimmy Carter's haunted-shack-and-peanut-stand

Yeah, it was a bit of a trick question....when you re-did the list order, if you only wrote down the first 5 instead of all 6, you get extra credit from The Cap'n!

Is there a new Star of Bethlehem? Not the Middle East - I'm talking about Bethlehem, PA in the heart of steel country USA. Except the steel mill is closed. In its place, there is a new $738 million glamour-girl, The Sands Bethlehem Casino. Residents and investors are banking on something besides steel and coal, to revive the Pennsylvania mountains economy. The new casino features 3,000+ slot machines, video blackjack and video 3-card poker. The State of Pennsylvania does not allow table-gaming with live dealers, so this is as close as they'll get to the Vegas experience. Still, the ownership is Vegas all the way - Las Vegas Sands corporation owns the Venetian and Palazzo among its wealth of casinos, and they're not taking this lightly. They're incorporating some of the "new Vegas" attributes, such as world-class dining. Among the various lounges and eateries at the new Sands Bethlehem, you'll find celebrity chef Emeril Lagasse's latest creation, for the patrons to enjoy. There is also a plan in the works to expand to add a hotel as well. So the future may be bright for people wanting a little more scenery than Atlantic City, or who want to stay East of the Mississippi. Situated in Eastern PA, in the Lehigh Valley between the Pocono Mountains, it could be a breath of fresh air for a previously all-industrial State.

Over a 10-week period this summer, nearly 200 young Saudi women are auditioning for a country-wide pageant, but it's not your typical beauty pageant. It's called "Miss Beautiful Morals," in which physical attractiveness is irrelevant. Instead of swimsuits, nightgowns, and speeches on world peace, those competitions are replaced by judges deciding the level of the ladies' observance of traditional Saudi values. particularly the honoring of their mothers.

We have a slightly different pageant here in the United States, where looks, talent AND morals are completely irrelevant.

It's called: "Auditions for CBS's Big Brother Eleven"

Believing in something with all your heart is usually a good thing. Then again, there's Kailash Singh, 63, who lives in a village near the holy city of Varanasi, India. He recently told reporters that he had not bathed in the last 35 years, because in his religious beliefs remaining water-free would improve his chances of fathering a male child, instead of a female. Well, first things first: it hasn't worked. Secondly, his wife left him and now his chances of fathering any child are remote at best. Now, in a "twist of faith", he has ditched his original motives and has a new cause altogether, saying he is shunning baths until India's social problems are resolved. You know, social problems like detestable body odor. Lack of friends because of seemingly pointless convictions. That sort of thing. Reporters looked into his "back-story", to discover Singh had previously been a shop owner, but he became a farmer when business soured, with customers declining to approach him to ask for prices or buy merchandise. The fertilizer-laden fields of his farm seem to be more suited to his personal hygiene, or lack thereof.

You're not half bad - for a Klingon!

Most people who grew up with the Space program have dreamed of being an astronaut, or traveling to another planet if the technology catches up. Scientists have done a lot of research, and a whole lot of thinking on the subject, and guess what - the Next Generation of space travelers will likely have one trait in common: Ugliness. Drop-dead, butt-ugliness to be exact. Research scientists say the lack of gravity will keep bones and muscles from developing properly. Speaking at a science festival, Dr. Lewis Dartnell says living permanently in space for many years will have dramatic effects on the body Human. He says looks will be adversely affected, because we won't be required to move or keep warm, likely "frozen" cryogenically or some other method of preservation. The lack of movement and gravity will almost surely lead to bloated faces, hair loss and water pooling in the skull.

Maybe the famous Bar Scene in the movie Star Wars isn't too terribly far from the truth. Of course, when traveling at 35 Parsecs per Kilo-Month, the phrase "So - you from around here?" will be rendered meaningless...