Sarah, Sarah..storms are brewing in your eyes...

Without the "H", it's a beautiful song by Starship with the incomparable Mickey Thomas on vocal. With the "H", it's the intrepid Governor of Alaska, who has turned a blind eye to cruise industry complaints about her State. As I've mentioned before in this blog, 3 years ago Alaskans voted an indiscriminate cruise passenger head-tax, in theory to generate revenue for their state. Theory-be-damned, the truth of the matter is 30-40% of all cruise ships are pulling out of Alaska next year, and Ms. Palin's State is going to be losing tens of millions of dollars in revenue. All from greed, and inept leadership. Now the other shoe (or possibly a hammer) is about to drop. You don't go fooling with Mother Nature, or Father Cruising himself - Carnival Corporation's Mickey Arison. He's tried peaceful negotiations, explaining how Alaskans were making a huge error in judgment with this tax, and now Mr. Arison has announced litigation is coming soon. That's right, the cruise industry vs. the State Of Alaska, in a no-holds-barred Texas Cage Match. As Daniel Day Lewis would say, "There will be blood!"

Arison had some very harsh words for Governor Palin, noting "she needs to concentrate on Alaska and stop running for President 2012." The Godfather Of Carnival also added that this month's U.S. Supreme Court decision, striking down a tax on oil tankers in Valdez, Alaska, supports the company's position that the cruise tax violates the tonnage clause of the United States Constitution. "It came down exactly as we anticipated - states do not have the right to charge taxes on ships in that manner." For her part, Ms. Palin hasn't really spoken publicly about the new lawsuit dilemma, but we all know the woman can smell publicity better than a bloodhound in a skunk factory. Alaska is already going to take a huge hit in 2010 when the ships wave buh-bye, and if the Court happens to agree with Arison and make any tax payback retroactive, you'll be looking at Alaska with a big sign outside the Anchorage airport, saying "CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE." Who knows, maybe Arison will get back so much in taxes, and property will be so cheap in Alaska, he'd be able to open his own theme park up there. Call it CARNIVALASKA WORLD. It's mascot would have to be named after Mr. Arison himself: Mickey Moose.

Now that Homeland Security is going the extra mile for background checks on cruises and vacation packages, quite a few deadbeat parents are rising from obscurity. When you go to get a now-required US passport for travel, they also investigate your personal history for outstanding warrants, including deadbeat parents owing child support. One such individual, who I dare say won't be receiving his passport any time soon, is Flint Michigan native Thomas Frazier. The 42-year old father to many was jailed in April, after his unpaid child-support tab reached a staggering $530,000. The prodigious Mr. Frazier has 14 children, with 13 different women. When the Judge questioned his roaming ways, he proclaimed that all his life he was only trying to "find someone who would love me for me." I believe you did that already...more than a dozen times that we know of... Another Father-Of-The-Year candidate is Desmond Hatchell, 29, of Knoxville, Tennessee. He appeared in court this past May, where he too was questioned by a Judge about his lack of payment and commitment. Mr. Hatchell, despite working a minimum-wage job, has "laid claim" genetically to 21 children so far, by 11 different women. In an interview with WLVT-TV in Knoxville, he said, "I never intended to have this many kids. Some things just happen." And some things need to be kept in their place. Surprisingly, Madonna has not shown up in either Flint or Knoxville looking to adopt any of the kids yet, but it's early in the week.

Obstructed Vowel Syndrome?

It's a spelling mantra that generations of schoolchildren have learned: "I before E, except after C." It was good enough for your grandparents, parents, you and me and anyone down the food chain from there, but not for the British Government. The Creators of our English language have instructed teachers not to pass the rule on to new students, declaring "there are simply too many exceptions to call it a rule." The Support For Spelling document, which is being sent to thousands of primary schools across the UK, says it's not worth teaching, because it doesn't account for words like sufficient, veil and their. Ok, Citizens and Britizens. 'Their' is a fairly common word. But I doubt many 5-year olds in your country or in the USA are using 'sufficient' and 'veil' in sentences. In fact, let's look at some other exceptions to the rule:

beige, codeine, conscience, deify, deity, deign, eider, either, feisty,foreign, forfeit, gneiss, heifer, height, heinous, heir, heist, neigh, neither, peignoir, prescient, science, seine, seismic, seize, sheik, society, sovereign, surfeit, vein, and weird.

Doubtful any 5-year olds are wielding these words in their oral arsenal either, so I'll let the last word on the list speak for Great Britain doing away with this fun, multi-generational rule:
WEIRD!

There are new rumblings from the UK Government as well. The Country's Prime Headmaster is attempting to abolish another long-held tradition in English Elementary Schools, the telling of stories that can traumatize children at a time when they are most impressionable. He speaks of decades of these Steven King-like horror tales, recounted by teachers who have frightened entire generations of kids into submission. One example cited is a tale of 2 unaccompanied minors, a boy and a girl, who were left on their own to do backbreaking chores for their families. While performing these tasks, with no adult supervision or assistance anywhere nearby, the young lad tripped and fell, sustaining a serious concussion and possible intra-cranial bleeding. The other child attempted to help her fallen friend, but in doing so found herself also losing her footing, and taking a severe fall. This resulted in lacerations and bruises over much of her body. You're probably asking "What kind of insane stories are teachers telling our beloved children?" Here is the example piece, verbatim....you be the judge:

Jack & Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after

Electrifying stuff, to be sure!

PS: I know there's no such position as a Prime Headmaster, but sometimes you do what you have to do in the name of comedy.