"General, take us to RepCon 3"

REPublican CONvention, Day 3. Time to discuss the 28th Amendment to the Constitution. For those government scholars among you who are saying "Whoa! Ain't no such thing, dude." (surprisingly, that's how many government scholars talk), that's EXACTLY why I'm bringing it up. It's time to add a 28th Amendment. In recent American history, there has been a notable President/wife duo...let's call them Billary without using their real names...who sought to lead our nation from the big chair. Right or wrong, it didn't work out so well. Possibly because one completed 2 terms, and the other tried to follow later.

There is another scenario that is not-yet-tried, and that's why Cap'n Bob is proposing a 28th Amendment. It would read something like this:

"If the People, following a general election, realize they had made a massive error in judgement in filling the big chair, but did not want to put the Nation through the grind of an impeachment process, it is their right under the Constitution of these United States to consider the spouse of said sitting official as a replacement for same. The process would be for a majority of the People to file Government Form GWB-OUT, filed through the individual States of the constituents. Once a majority has been established, Congress must bring a vote before the Electorate within 30 days (not business days -- when you're talking about Congress, that could be more than a year). A re-vote date is to be set Nationwide, and every Citizen is allowed to vote except those in Palm Beach and Volusia counties in Florida, since their votes pretty much don't count historically." (see Nov. 2000)

The reason I bring this concept for your perusal is because of a very strong person in the Republican party. In my opinion, the strongest I've seen since Reagan. Her longtime friends know her as the former Laura Welch, but most of you know her as our current First Lady. Last night at the convention, she once again personified class, strength, calm, dignity, intelligence, reason, and in a nutshell would be a tremendous representative of We, the People. She brings all the qualities we're missing at the top. Every interview, every photo op, every time the woman speaks -- people listen. Had my proposed 28th Amendment been ratified previously, we easily could have had our first woman President by early 2002. The sitting Prez has an approval rating of around 20 (think about it for a minute - that means NEGATIVE 80!), but Laura Bush has very few if any detractors, an approval rating almost exactly the opposite of her spouse, and has the demeanor to do the job. Last night, I found myself listening to her and enjoying her on-screen time, even though I don't share her party's or hubby's politics in general, or those proposed by Senator McCain. But I was trying to be un-biased and fair to hear the opposing viewpoint to the best of my ability.

Enter The Wizard of Odd. After the refreshing Mrs. Bush set an elegant tone, suddenly there was this giant head hovering on the wall above the conventioneers. The man-behind-the-curtain-effect was staggering, particularly after watching great in-person speeches by Democrats last week. Gustav messed up the 1st day of RepCon for sure, but having George W do a satellite feed was an abysmal idea at every level. Instead of sounding like a sincere endorsement, it came across more like "I'd be there if I didn't have this big golf game in the morning with Karl Rove, but McCain's my guy, you betcha, yep, yessirree". Once the idea of The Wizard squeezed itself into my pea brain, it kept going (imagine that). I found myself whistling If I Only Had A Brain, and If I Only Had A Heart. Freudian? Most certainly.

Thankfully the big talking head didn't last that long, so I was ready to see who would lead the positive parade forward for the Republicans. "In the criminal justice system", they bring on the distinguished Senator from Tennessee, who looked like he was painted up for a Volonteers' football game. I've never seen such orange makeup. CORRECTION: Actually, I have, but not on a big guy. The last time I saw that particular color on a human face was 1971's Willie Wonka And The Chocolate Factory. All the Oompa Loompas were that same color, but they had green wigs on. Fred Thompson thankfully remained wigless, but carried the orange across his face, forehead, over the Summit, back down the nape and inside his suit. MAN that guy had an orange head!! So, you ask, is that what distracted you from what he had to say? No, it was the fact that although he came out in attack-dog mode, he would clear his throat after every sentence. Oh my. Takes me back to my college days. We had a substitute teacher for a week, and after everything she said there was a loud, gutteral "ahem". It became such a class joke after the 1st day, all us students took out a piece of paper, and every time an ahem came along we'd make a little click mark on the page. You know, the little 4 sticks across like llll, and then one / to make 5? Yeah, that thing. Turns out, in a 1-hour class, this teacher broke triple figures. 119 ahems. Just shy of 2 per minute. Because Fred Thompson took me back to that exact place and time, I can't tell you anything else he said last night. Blah blah ahem blah blah ahem blah blah ahem, etc. But I'm sure it was rousing and on point, and quite the attack, because everyone cheered and applauded. Meanwhile, I just found myself lllllll and //// the rest of the evening. I went to bed before Benedict Lieberman came on, so I can't really comment on his new 15 minutes in the limelight.

Be honest. Who among you wouldn't have put Laura Bush in the White House big chair if it had really been possible? "Just close your eyes, click your heels together 3 times, and......you've had the power all along, my dear....."

Holland America cruise line made an interesting announcement over the past 24 hours. They decided to raise their onboard tips from $10 per person per day to $11 pppd. No explanation on why this happened, or who gets the extra buck...just thank you so much for the money. If history is any indication, and it usually is, this is just a "tester" by Holland's parent company Carnival to see if people go ballistic or just accept it. If they accept it, the extra 100 pennies is likely to be rolled out on Princess, Carnival and the rest of their product line. So if any of you Holland America passengers feel like GOING BALLISTIC, feel free to call them and voice your concerns. It's highly unlikely that dollar is being split amongst your waiter, busboy and cabin steward, but then again I'm suspicious by nature.

Meanwhile, Hanna, Ike and Josephine on the heels of Gustav are making this one of the most active tropical weeks in recent memory. There have been many times 3 or 4 named storms are out there, but a few usually veer off into oblivion (that's near Portugal). This time, there is a steady march West, like there's some sort of macabre weather gold rush going on around Cuba. It's not that there are so many storms early. We haven't even gotten to "K" yet, but 3 years ago Katrina had already come and gone by this time. It's that there are so many at one time, all headed ominously on a similar path, that is a bit scary for anyone near the water. The entire Eastern seaboard needs to keep alert over the next week, at a minimum. Las Vegas never looked better than getting out of Dodge next weekend.