Are You Comfortable, Ma'am?

You're NOT? Well, you only have to endure another 2 hours and 59 minutes. At least that's the plan, now that the Feds have declared 3 hours the longest passengers will have to wait on a plane before either take-off or returning to the gate. This is what you call a theoretically-great idea, if they can make it happen. Airlines are already throwing their noses up (their literal noses, not the ones on their aircraft), saying this is a bad idea and may ultimately lead to more flight cancellations and delays. Actually, Mr. Executive, you're dead wrong. It's a fabulous idea. It's what we non-airline employees call The Truth. We buy a "Contract of Carriage" which has 26,487 lines of fine print protecting your side of the story, telling us all the things you're not responsible for when we fly or attempt to fly. The key word is Contract. You ask the traveling public to abide by your side of the Contract, and now the Feds are mandating that you honor your side. You offer Point A to Point B for X number of dollars, leaving at Y and arriving at Z. (Note to non-math majors: if you didn't understand that part, you need to get yourself up to a 7th-grade geometry level to finish the remainder of your life -- find a tutor). Anyway, so it's a Contract. Mr. Airline Executive needs to understand that people who purchase their SERVICE, which is what they offer - not a product, want simply the basic part of the Contract honored. Many people fly because they're going to visit a relative in a strange town. The tendency is to tell that relative "My flight gets in at about 10:30am, so I'll meet you outside baggage claim around 11am." Simple, ain't it? That doesn't mean Grandma should be expected to keep circling the airport until 4:30pm or when she runs out of gas (this time I DO mean literally). She should reasonably expect the flight to be there somewhere near the time the airline advertised. But the fine print of that Contract allows for a multitude of excuses, some justified and others less so, and the track record of the airlines basically forced the Government to step in. There are other provisions, and it's basic passenger protection and 3 hours is still a heck of a long time if you're stuck in line on the tarmac, but it's certainly better than the status quo! There are exemptions for safety and security issues, but the Feds are taking this quite seriously and plan to impose a fine of more than $25,000 PER PASSENGER affected. Hopefully this will get the airlines to shape up, so you can ship out.

HOW TO MAKE EXTRA HOLIDAY CASH......NOT:

A Brooklyn, New York man is in trouble after devising a plan to make some extra money during the Holidays. He had discovered a city-owned garage near the old seaport district and Wall Street, which had been closed down. Authorities say his entrepreneurial spirit got the best of him, as he decided to break in to the closed garage and reopen it on his own. He began charging people for parking (cash only). The scam might have lasted a while if he had been reasonable in what he was charging, but officials received complaints from unwitting consumers, since he was actually charging more than the surrounding parking lots! The city's Department of Investigation said NY City Police were dispatched to the site, on only his 2nd day of business, and were able to chase him off though he eluded arrest temporarily. In his collection booth they found a half-empty soda can that was still cold, and were able to lift his DNA from the can to prove he was the alleged culprit. The man now faces charges of burglary and criminal impersonation. How's that for setting high standards? "You know, Ma, at one time it was my life's dream to be a parking attendant, but then I realized I could just pretend to be one without all that needless schooling, filling out a job application, or any of that legal mumbo-jumbo." You know she's a proud woman.

Respect is EARNED, not given...

In a report from the London Daily Mirror, a man in jail for attacking his wife with a machete is suing the Court, for referring to him as 'prisoner' rather than 'mister'. Bernard Pennington claimed the term 'prisoner' was derogatory, defamed his personal reputation, and breached his human rights. Along with the Court, he also tried to sue prison worker David Luckett who called him "Prisoner Pennington" while he was incarcerated at Kingston Prison in Portsmouth, England. A judge at Portsmouth County Court threw out the compensation claim, saying it had no merit whatsoever. He added "Please take Mr. Prisoner Pennington back to his cell." I love it. A judge who will meet you halfway. Given enough publicity, ABC will sign him to it's 4pm daily lineup of Judge This and Judge That, so we can all watch the Prisoner Penningtons of the world, and be thankful we're not them.