Meet The Beatles! Or...Not

Royal Caribbean is having its first ever Beatles-theme cruise, on the Independence Of The Seas, March 28th 2010. It's a 6-night Western Caribbean sailing from Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. I got kind of excited when I read that, thinking how great it would be to rub elbows with at least one of the remaining Beatles.
I figured Ringo. Surely they'll have Ringo Starr on board. Paul is still in too-great demand around the world, but Ringo is kind of the Ed Norton to the other Beatles' Ralph Kramden. (You young-'uns go visit your wikipedia for a minute....we'll wait). But alas, even Ringo is a no-show. It's a Beatle-less Beatles cruise, featuring a tribute band from Chicago called BritBeat. I Googled them, and the reviews say they're really good, kind of like if there was a band called Working Class Tough Guys Who Chew Gum, who sounded a lot like ShaNaNa (back to wikipedia, kiddies!). But since the Beatles literally changed my life the night of their first Ed Sullivan (wikipedia!!!) appearance, I have a very soft place in my heart for the Fab Four. I'll save you the wiki-trip, that was the Beatles' nickname. The night of Feb. 9, 1964 I was sitting in front of the TV with my parents, as an impressionable 12-year old boy with no clue about his future. Suddenly, there were these shaggy-haired guys on the screen playing LOUD, high-energy music, and girls were screaming and crying, wanting ever-so-much to be attached to these dapper lads in their matching suits and pointy-toed boots. You could barely hear the music for the screaming. I looked at my parents, pointed to the TV screen and said, "I know Bill (my brother) is going to M.I.T. to design rockets for NASA (he did), but I want to do THAT for a living!" Of course I got an icy-cold stare from my Mom, but lo-and-behold the next Christmas I got a used Slingerland set of drums from Santa, and my life's path was set.

So back to the cruise. OK, they've got the BritBeat band playing. I'm sure they're going to have some celebrities and Beatles associates on board. Yoko? Is Yoko going to be there? Eh, no. However, May Pang is definitely on the list! Who? May Pang. You know, John Lennon's former girlfriend. Yeah, I don't remember her either but they say she was and since I didn't read Tiger Beat Magazine I'll have to take their word for it. Who else.....hmmmm. OH YEAH! I'm hearing that Nancy Lee Andrews is confirmed! No, not Julie Andrews - she has no connection. Nancy Lee Andrews. You know, Ringo Starr's former fiancee? Yeah, me neither on that one, Tiger Beat Magazine, blah blah blah etc. OK here's one for you - how about Chris O'Dell? You know, the woman who wrote "Miss O'Dell: My Hard Days and Long Nights with the Beatles, the Stones, Bob Dylan, Eric Clapton, and the Women They Loved"? Or Jorie Gracen, who photographed Paul McCartney? Yeah, I'm right there with you it's a real s-t-r-e-t-c-h to link all these folks as interesting-enough to make for a theme cruise, but it is what it is. My guess is neither May Pang nor Nancy Lee Andrews nor Jorie Green is demanding the 7-figure appearance fee Sir Paul McCartney would have gotten. I'm guessing maybe they're doing this for a free cruise and a few complimentary cocktails on their bar tab. But by golly, if you want the Beatles this is as close as you're gonna get! I'm sure it will be loads of fun, all kidding aside. And there is still plenty of availability for inside, oceanview and even balcony cabins on this sailing! Call me for rates, as I'm sure this will sell out quickly once word spreads.

While we're on the subject of the UK, here's an interesting headline from the London Daily Telegraph, about the attention span of some Brits. In November, the Solihull Council in Britain's West Midlands county ordered a flooring store to remove the festive balloons it had pinned-up in front of their building, in an attempt to attract business. The Council in their ruling called them "hazards." One Councilor explained that "drivers may be distracted by the colors," and another was "concerned that if a balloon came loose, it might possibly float into traffic and lure a child to follow it." We can only assume that every citizen of Solihull England is either a cat, or a human on a strict diet of marijuana brownies.

Not everyone in our own US Homeland is a shining star of intellect, though. In a story from the Springfield Missouri News-Leader, 3 men were recently convicted in Kansas City of having swindled numerous customers, to pay up to $2000 apiece for a 3-inch-by-4-inch laminated card that said "Diplomat." According to court records, the sellers were able to convince the buyers that by being a Diplomat, they would legally free themselves from ever having to pay taxes, or being arrested for any crime. According to the FBI, the ages of the buyers ranged from 19 to 77, and all but 2 were college-educated. I've created some lapel-stickers which I'm headed to Kansas City to sell. They say "Not A Moron", and for only $100 I'll guarantee that no Diplomat Salesmen will accost anyone wearing one. They come in blue, green and mauve.

I can get you ones in Kansas City Chiefs red as well, but special orders have to add $39.95 shipping and handling (allow 6-8 weeks for delivery)...