I Need An Enormous Tape Measure - STAT!!

Back in Capn's School, one of the bright spots on my academic resume was mathematics. I was always pretty good with "ciphering" and adding my 2's to make 4. Just a gift, I guess, but apparently not everyone is so blessed when it comes to number-crunching. Not even ship designers or cruise line executives. In a USAToday.com travel article, there's a story today about Holland America's ship Veendam, which is scheduled to sail 24 week-long Bermuda cruises from New York City, starting April 25th. In all their preliminary literature and advertising, they said the ship will overnight in both St. Georges and Hamilton (the 2 main towns on Bermuda). Well, they're half-right. The ship will still pull along side in Hamilton, but St. Georges? Not so much. In a written statement just released, Holland America Line says they will not be docking in the 2nd location "due to challenges with the Town Cut and the narrow entrance to St. George’s Harbour.” Bluntly, they just realized the ship won’t fit. Instead, they will have to anchor offshore, and have passengers use ferries and tender boats to get to town. The local ferries hold up to 700 passengers, but they don't necessarily go as often as you like, or as quickly as you like. Certainly a lot slower and less-desirable than just walking off the ship the way it was originally presented. Local businesses are also upset, as they saw the proposed docking as a boon to their shops and tourist haunts. Holland America is encouraging the locals to dredge the harbor wider and deeper, to accommodate more ships like Veendam. But Bermuda could have done that 100+ years ago, and they really don't want large ships. So I doubt that the cruise line's lack of planning is going to constitute Bermuda's emergency. Suggestion for next time? As the old saying goes, "Do the math."

Speaking of school and number-crunching, everyone knows there are services and commercial test-preparation courses available for high-end schools. These are extremely popular with applicants to top colleges and grad schools, and more recently for admission to prestigious private high schools. According to a New York Times report, private coaching is increasingly important for admission to New York City's high-achiever-status public kindergartens. Basic coaching for these prodigious 3- and 4-year-olds can cost over $1,000. Training includes teaching a child to listen to an adult's questions, and to sit still. Minimum qualification for top-shelf kindergartens are scores at the 90th percentile or above on the Olsat reasoning test, and the Bracken School Readiness knowledge test. My Dad used to have a system for getting me to listen and sit still. Didn't cost $1000, either. It just started with "Where's my belt?"

From the Lincoln Nebraska Journal Star newspaper, a little story about government in action. Or government inaction, depending on your viewpoint. In September, Nebraska did a background check on prison guard Michal Preclik, who had been on the job for a year and was being promoted. Standard procedure with any payscale change and promotion is obtaining an updated background check on the individual. The Corrections Department's background check was done through the FBI's National Criminal Information Center database, which turned up nothing. Clean as a whistle. However, on a lark another employee simply Googled the name Michal Preclik, only to find out he was wanted by Interpol for drug and fraud crimes in the Czech Republic. Google showed the Interpol wanted poster with Preclik's photo, as one of its top search results.

Kleen-Up On Aisle Zwei!

What's with the German you ask? I bring it up because of an incident in the town of Aachen. Two German shoppers grabbed the last grocery cart, and a scuffle ensued between a 74-year-old man and a 35-year-old woman. They began arguing over who got the cart first, when the woman's younger brother suddenly punched the elderly man, knocking him to the ground. The woman, her brother and mother continued on shopping, when suddenly the roughed-up Senior made a comeback, hitting the brother with a 3-foot salami. At almost that same instant, the elderly man found himself fighting off the 53-year-old mother, who had attacked him back with a 4-lb piece of Parmesan cheese, which she used to stab at him like it was a knife. The fight ended after police arrived to break it up, and two of those involved were treated for minor injuries. No word on whether charges have been filed on any of the combatants. There's also been very little talk recently of a "Master race"....